I'm not going to do the whole 'recap my day' thing. First, that just feels weird, now that a lot (and by a lot, I mean all seven of you followers) of people are reading about my life as it happens in their own town. And also, I quit my xanga blog because of issues with weirdness and conviction from a YA future apocalyptic book. So I can't go back on that.
Instead, I will just write my thoughts. And anyway, thoughts are more interesting than actions. So proved Alice in Wonderland.
My thoughts today go like this:
I do not want to speak about Senegal on Sunday! I dislike all forms of public speaking! I didn't even like skyping with Woodland, and that was with thousands of miles separating me from my audience. I couldn't even see my audience. I wish I were witty and stellar, and that my voice didn't go wonky from nervousness. But it does, and I will deal.
Sometimes I wish I didn't talk about my opinions quite so much, because of course after I start thinking that the American church needs to step up with community and lots of people publicly sharing what God is doing in their lives.....God would do something in my life, and I would be obligated to talk about it or be a hypocrite.
I am often a hypocrite, but not this time.
Also, I found out that a printed version of my Senegal blog was passed from one person to another in order to be read. It is like I am secretly published! The printed version of my blog is 245 pages long. Um, what? My wordiness is extreme. I'm so super impressed by anyone who read all of that monstrosity, and also I think you are strange, because surely the intricacies of my brain are not that interesting.
It is hard to be friends with a mother and her children. I can have conversations with the mother, and I can have conversations with the children, and I can say ridiculous things, or share my (overly opinionated) opinions, and it's no big deal. But when I have those conversations in front of both.....oh man, do I feel the heat. It is like I am corrupting the children with my words right in front of the woman who birthed them, and the mother wonders why I am invited over, and I feel all judged and stuff. Possibly I am hyperbolizing. Possibly not.
I would really like to live with Liz again. She makes me feel normal, because she is exactly like me. All the things that people look down on me for (my poor maligned Buffy, my neglected Battlestar Galactica, my awesome Neil Patrick Harris), all those things are equally loved by Liz! I mean, sometimes I even worried that she was moving in on my obsession territory. The people I am currently around think that I am weird. Liz made me feel like I was awesome.
Those are selfish reasons. My unselfish reasons are that Liz herself is awesome. She couldn't make dinner without dancing. She drives a moto like...a safe moto driver. She overcame her money stringency to do a more laidback roommate grocery shopping just because it is what I prefer. She rarely missed a day reading her Bible, and she was way better at memorizing Ephesians than I was at memorizing Romans. She would come into my room to show me awesome youtube clips, and she knew cool music before cool people did. She had a busted knee, but she still rocked p90x harder than me.
Also, she loved Buffy and Neil Patrick Harris. Those are the more immediate reasons why I miss Liz.
Tricia, I remember when you talked to Woodland about the tornado at Union. You did very well. You looked very calm and professional while you were speaking. I know you did not feel that way inside, but to the listeners you were very good. The same thing will happen Sunday. You will come across as a very polished and accomplished lady, and you will be very well received. If you can remember that, the butterflies will be reduced somewhat and it will be easier for you.
ReplyDeleteA little story: When I started with Caterpillar I was 32 years old and deathly afraid of public speaking. Part of our training program was to make a presentation to an auditorium full of trainees about one of our training stations. We were given a lot of hints beforehand, like always repeat a question, don't focus on one person, etc. The presentation was videotaped, and then we reviewed it privately with our instructor. I thought I looked great, and right then, my fear of public speaking left me, never to return. It is all a matter of confidence. Maybe you could get someone to tape you and then you can view it later? You will be pleased at how good you look.
Trust me, you will do well!!
I'm a little late, but SQUENCH YOUR LITTLE FACE. Your great.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to go write you an email now.