Stephanie came up to Peoria this weekend. It was super wonderful to have a college-like atmosphere for a few days...by which I mean: making meals, eating too much chocolate, staying up late, watching absurd amounts of TV, and talking with friends about life and God and boys.
It was also the weekend when the college kids and I returned to downtown Peoria to try our clothes distribution again. It was super awesome. My book buddy, Morgan, was there for the soup kitchen, and she picked out scarves and hats for her brothers. I was ecstatic to see her outside the context of school, but um, wow, mixed emotions much? It reminded me that God brought her into my life, and me into her life, for a reason.
I might go into more thinky-thoughts later, but for now, my weekend is summarized in this video:
Vlogging still calls to me.
Check it.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
I Don't Think I Actually Changed My Mind
I've been reading so many YA books in order to beef up my library's book review blog that it has been awhile since I sat down and read a serious Christian book. Yesterday I started reading Sub-Merge by John Hayes, who is the guy who founded InnerChange (the missions organization that Rebekah Warner is about to start serving with, and which has as its goal incarnational ministry to the poor).
And oh my word. Christian books about awesome Christian ideas are affecting me. It is reinvigorating my call to missions. And more specifically....I really want to work with InnerChange. They go to the poorest places in the world, emptying themselves of wealth and prestige and respect, because they serve a God who left Heaven for Earth, emptying Himself of godhood in order to put on flesh. I want to be a part of that.
It is also good to hear someone teach me and affirm my radical ideals, but then back up the truck and be nice about it. What I mean is, I have a very hard time differentiating between what God is teaching me and what God wants the whole world to do. So when God worked on my materialism, I went to work on everyone else's (and my mom had to point out that I needed to stop that, what with people likely to start hating my "oh really, you're going to spend money on that? isn't that frivolous?") And I know I sound annoying and stuck up a lot of the time, but....I hold myself to those levels. I try to, at least. So I assumed everyone should live at those standards too.
But Jennie pointed out once upon a time that maybe God told me to give away all my books because I, specifically, was going to live a life with few material possessions, and that was step one of preparation. Maybe the whole world doesn't have to live super frugally (but I will not back down on my belief that American culture is extremely materialistic, and the more you own, the more difficult it is to truly follow Jesus--not impossible, just more difficult).
Anyway. I also tend to think that since God has so impressed me with the missionary need, that surely everyone else needs to be pressed with that same need. And again, not gonna back down on the Church's need to give and support and GO. It's far easier to stay home and spend money on ourselves. But...maybe not everyone is called to be missionaries.
How did I realize these things? From people who disagree with me? Psh, no. I have a very hard time accepting the opinions of people who disagree with me (I acknowledge that this is a flaw). What changed my mind was John Hayes, who gave up everything to live among the poor and the dirty and the dangerous. He says things like this that make me go "YEAH PREACH IT":
"After finishing the story of the rich fool, Jesus continues in verses 22 and 23 to clarify that not only greed but also anxiety about security can undo us. 'Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.' Suddenly we see that Jesus is not simply addressing those of us who succumb to greed; He is also addressing those of us who build bigger barns for financial reassurance."
And then he says things like this that make me go ".....mrph":
"Voluntary simplicity is not a sign of God's special favor. It can minimize distraction in our devotion to God and can help us identify with the poor, but we must not congratulate ourselves for pursuing a simpler life...There is no room for spiritual arrogance in any form, and we are wise to distinguish between feeling affirmed and feeling prideful."
And then he gets all logical by pointing out:
"One reason there are not more full-time mission workers among the poor is that there are not enough mission senders."
Which I know. But I get very single-minded. It actually reminds me of something else I read that encouraged people to make and make and make as much money as possible...then give it away. (Maybe that was Radical? Been awhile.) I guess that still fits into my worldview of materialism. So that, apparently, hasn't changed! Stop with with money self-love (myself and everyone else)! But the missionary work thing....yeah. Not everyone can go. Some people have to stay in the States and make the money to support the people out and about.
I'd just rather be the out and about. How does everyone not want that? (See, I don't learn.)
And oh my word. Christian books about awesome Christian ideas are affecting me. It is reinvigorating my call to missions. And more specifically....I really want to work with InnerChange. They go to the poorest places in the world, emptying themselves of wealth and prestige and respect, because they serve a God who left Heaven for Earth, emptying Himself of godhood in order to put on flesh. I want to be a part of that.
It is also good to hear someone teach me and affirm my radical ideals, but then back up the truck and be nice about it. What I mean is, I have a very hard time differentiating between what God is teaching me and what God wants the whole world to do. So when God worked on my materialism, I went to work on everyone else's (and my mom had to point out that I needed to stop that, what with people likely to start hating my "oh really, you're going to spend money on that? isn't that frivolous?") And I know I sound annoying and stuck up a lot of the time, but....I hold myself to those levels. I try to, at least. So I assumed everyone should live at those standards too.
But Jennie pointed out once upon a time that maybe God told me to give away all my books because I, specifically, was going to live a life with few material possessions, and that was step one of preparation. Maybe the whole world doesn't have to live super frugally (but I will not back down on my belief that American culture is extremely materialistic, and the more you own, the more difficult it is to truly follow Jesus--not impossible, just more difficult).
Anyway. I also tend to think that since God has so impressed me with the missionary need, that surely everyone else needs to be pressed with that same need. And again, not gonna back down on the Church's need to give and support and GO. It's far easier to stay home and spend money on ourselves. But...maybe not everyone is called to be missionaries.
How did I realize these things? From people who disagree with me? Psh, no. I have a very hard time accepting the opinions of people who disagree with me (I acknowledge that this is a flaw). What changed my mind was John Hayes, who gave up everything to live among the poor and the dirty and the dangerous. He says things like this that make me go "YEAH PREACH IT":
"After finishing the story of the rich fool, Jesus continues in verses 22 and 23 to clarify that not only greed but also anxiety about security can undo us. 'Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.' Suddenly we see that Jesus is not simply addressing those of us who succumb to greed; He is also addressing those of us who build bigger barns for financial reassurance."
And then he says things like this that make me go ".....mrph":
"Voluntary simplicity is not a sign of God's special favor. It can minimize distraction in our devotion to God and can help us identify with the poor, but we must not congratulate ourselves for pursuing a simpler life...There is no room for spiritual arrogance in any form, and we are wise to distinguish between feeling affirmed and feeling prideful."
And then he gets all logical by pointing out:
"One reason there are not more full-time mission workers among the poor is that there are not enough mission senders."
Which I know. But I get very single-minded. It actually reminds me of something else I read that encouraged people to make and make and make as much money as possible...then give it away. (Maybe that was Radical? Been awhile.) I guess that still fits into my worldview of materialism. So that, apparently, hasn't changed! Stop with with money self-love (myself and everyone else)! But the missionary work thing....yeah. Not everyone can go. Some people have to stay in the States and make the money to support the people out and about.
I'd just rather be the out and about. How does everyone not want that? (See, I don't learn.)
Missions, Near and Far
A week or so ago, I started to freak out as the cost of my possible Mongolia trip started to get...really high. To the point that I actually thought, "Hm, maybe I shouldn't go?" Which is stupid, because this is the culmination of me asking God whether I should look into orphanage work and Him bringing me a friend from halfway around the world who knows someone who works in an orphanage. I'm not going to be the one to stop this trip from happening.
A couple days after I freaked out, my boss asked if I could take on some extra hours at the library to cover for a woman who just quit. And today Cheryl called to ask if I would take pictures for the Pauli's. I love this so much, because it shows so wonderfully how God's sovereignty and my free will work together. I needed more money. God providentially provided not one, but two ways that I could make it. No free money falling from the sky. I have to give up my free time in order to get it, but that in no way makes it any less of a gift from God. Awesome.
In similarly awesome news, I am just thrilled to pieces (and slightly overwhelmed to pieces) with stuff that's happening at the church. I talked to my junior high girls yesterday about missions, and while I may have come off as a bit harsh ("YOUR EXCUSES ARE LAME! GO SERVE GOD OVERSEAS WHERE PEOPLE HAVE LITTLE TO NO KNOWLEDGE OF JESUS!" is only a slight hyperbole) they seemed really excited to get in on some mission work themselves.
They came up with the idea of working at the Esther House, so hopefully we'll do that soon. And they also wanted to support overseas missionaries in some way. I love the Forsythes (obvs), but they are getting a lot of love from Woodland right now. So my brain went to the Petrous, who I also love, and who might actually need the money even more desperately. I'm going to talk to my girls about doing a fundraiser of some kind for them.
And then! There are about a million mission opportunities getting thrown the college group way. Continuing the clothes distributions. Helping at the Sweetheart Dinner (we're like the B-Team...if the high schoolers don't step up, we are ready to swoop in?). Doing/leading the 30 Hour Famine. Painting at the Harrison Homes. Helping fill in for the Chinese Church's youth leader.
So much! It's very exciting, since I was always uber-pessimistic about local missions. Mostly because I just wasn't consistently involved in any growing up. But hopefully I can learn from my misfortune and help the slightly younger generation get off to a better start!
Good times.
A couple days after I freaked out, my boss asked if I could take on some extra hours at the library to cover for a woman who just quit. And today Cheryl called to ask if I would take pictures for the Pauli's. I love this so much, because it shows so wonderfully how God's sovereignty and my free will work together. I needed more money. God providentially provided not one, but two ways that I could make it. No free money falling from the sky. I have to give up my free time in order to get it, but that in no way makes it any less of a gift from God. Awesome.
In similarly awesome news, I am just thrilled to pieces (and slightly overwhelmed to pieces) with stuff that's happening at the church. I talked to my junior high girls yesterday about missions, and while I may have come off as a bit harsh ("YOUR EXCUSES ARE LAME! GO SERVE GOD OVERSEAS WHERE PEOPLE HAVE LITTLE TO NO KNOWLEDGE OF JESUS!" is only a slight hyperbole) they seemed really excited to get in on some mission work themselves.
They came up with the idea of working at the Esther House, so hopefully we'll do that soon. And they also wanted to support overseas missionaries in some way. I love the Forsythes (obvs), but they are getting a lot of love from Woodland right now. So my brain went to the Petrous, who I also love, and who might actually need the money even more desperately. I'm going to talk to my girls about doing a fundraiser of some kind for them.
And then! There are about a million mission opportunities getting thrown the college group way. Continuing the clothes distributions. Helping at the Sweetheart Dinner (we're like the B-Team...if the high schoolers don't step up, we are ready to swoop in?). Doing/leading the 30 Hour Famine. Painting at the Harrison Homes. Helping fill in for the Chinese Church's youth leader.
So much! It's very exciting, since I was always uber-pessimistic about local missions. Mostly because I just wasn't consistently involved in any growing up. But hopefully I can learn from my misfortune and help the slightly younger generation get off to a better start!
Good times.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
My Life is Enchanting and Magical
Another author emailed me because she read my review of her book. What whaat? How is this happening to me? So much awesome. Here's my review: http://dunlaplibrarian.blogspot.com/2011/01/8th-grade-superzero-by-olugbemisola.html. And here's her email:
"Dear Ms. McGarrah,
Thank you so much for your generous review of 8th Grade Superzero! And you were one of few who "got" the Mialonie storyline. :) Many, many thanks for the work that you do; I enjoyed the piece in the Chillicothe Times-Bulletin -- we need enthusiastic and committed youth librarians more than ever. I'd love to send along some bookmarks if you think some of the kids would be interested. And I'm working on doing free Skype visits with libraries later this Spring, if you'd be interested in that as well. Either way, I just wanted to say thank you-- your support is much appreciated.
Cheers!"
These authors are flattering me in all the right ways with their "you got what I was trying to say" compliments. My inner English geek is flailing around in a happy dance. And free bookmarks! And potential skype dates! WHY AREN'T MORE KIDS COMING TO MY BOOK CLUBS? They don't even know how much they are missing.
"Dear Ms. McGarrah,
Thank you so much for your generous review of 8th Grade Superzero! And you were one of few who "got" the Mialonie storyline. :) Many, many thanks for the work that you do; I enjoyed the piece in the Chillicothe Times-Bulletin -- we need enthusiastic and committed youth librarians more than ever. I'd love to send along some bookmarks if you think some of the kids would be interested. And I'm working on doing free Skype visits with libraries later this Spring, if you'd be interested in that as well. Either way, I just wanted to say thank you-- your support is much appreciated.
Cheers!"
These authors are flattering me in all the right ways with their "you got what I was trying to say" compliments. My inner English geek is flailing around in a happy dance. And free bookmarks! And potential skype dates! WHY AREN'T MORE KIDS COMING TO MY BOOK CLUBS? They don't even know how much they are missing.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Mobilizing
We had a Senegal reunion dinner last week, and once again the story was told how in our November team, we all doubted our skill set, but through the course of the week realized just how needed we were. Which is easy to say when you helped deliver a baby and shared the gospel on the radio. But even though I still have no idea why I was needed in November, I think I've realized something about my role in life.
I'm a mobilizer. I may not be so good at the doing; in fact, I will be the first person to tell you how not-great I am at missionaryhood and just the normal Christian practice of telling people why I worship Jesus. But Donna asked, "What if we had said no when God called us to Senegal?" And I thought, "Well, none of you would have gone either."
Which got me thinking. I may not have changed Senegal by living there for three months. But the world around me has changed because of it. A team of six went last March. A team of four went in November. A team of five is leaving this March. And another team might leave in November.
Money has been given to the Forsythe ministry. Work has been done at the Fatick hospital, OCC gifts have been distributed, and missionary women from all over Senegal have been encouraged.
The ladies at the Dunlap Public Library have learned about a new culture and have given money to support people less fortunate than themselves.
Because I went and developed a passion for missions, I was asked to teach a missions lesson every Wednesday night to grade schoolers, who weekly pray for missionaries and missionary kids around the world. I am about to start teaching my junior high Sunday School class about missions, and how valuable and necessary it is.
I don't pretend to think that God couldn't have done awesome work in Senegal had I not gone there. But I do think the people of Woodland would not have been the ones to do it. Maybe all that weight really is on my shoulders. So when God asks me to do something in the future, I have to do it, if not for myself then for others who might be influenced by my decision. Even if I'm not good at whatever it is, even if I am not actually the part that matters....maybe my choices impact the choices of others, and affect the amount of workers going out into the mission field.
What if the only reason God called me to Senegal was so that Bill and Christina and Donna and the Wineingers would go to Senegal? This is both incredibly humiliating (because I am the equivalent of a kick in the butt) and also empowering (because I can use my words to enable other people to use their gifts to bring God glory). I'll take it.
I'm a mobilizer. I may not be so good at the doing; in fact, I will be the first person to tell you how not-great I am at missionaryhood and just the normal Christian practice of telling people why I worship Jesus. But Donna asked, "What if we had said no when God called us to Senegal?" And I thought, "Well, none of you would have gone either."
Which got me thinking. I may not have changed Senegal by living there for three months. But the world around me has changed because of it. A team of six went last March. A team of four went in November. A team of five is leaving this March. And another team might leave in November.
Money has been given to the Forsythe ministry. Work has been done at the Fatick hospital, OCC gifts have been distributed, and missionary women from all over Senegal have been encouraged.
The ladies at the Dunlap Public Library have learned about a new culture and have given money to support people less fortunate than themselves.
Because I went and developed a passion for missions, I was asked to teach a missions lesson every Wednesday night to grade schoolers, who weekly pray for missionaries and missionary kids around the world. I am about to start teaching my junior high Sunday School class about missions, and how valuable and necessary it is.
I don't pretend to think that God couldn't have done awesome work in Senegal had I not gone there. But I do think the people of Woodland would not have been the ones to do it. Maybe all that weight really is on my shoulders. So when God asks me to do something in the future, I have to do it, if not for myself then for others who might be influenced by my decision. Even if I'm not good at whatever it is, even if I am not actually the part that matters....maybe my choices impact the choices of others, and affect the amount of workers going out into the mission field.
What if the only reason God called me to Senegal was so that Bill and Christina and Donna and the Wineingers would go to Senegal? This is both incredibly humiliating (because I am the equivalent of a kick in the butt) and also empowering (because I can use my words to enable other people to use their gifts to bring God glory). I'll take it.
Monday, January 17, 2011
William Booth's Vision
The girls in my Sunday School class asked if we could talk about missions next week, and continuing on in a study of various cultures and religions. UM YES PLEASE. Mom sent me an email a few days ago from a missionary in Guinea Bissou, and in it he copied William Booth's vision. I've copied part of it here, because oh man, it is just exactly why we should be involved in missions.
Context: The sea is full of drowning human sinners, the rock is the safe place on which the saved rest. Some are busy jumping back into the sea to save more drowning people, but most of the saved stand around, making music, looking pretty, pursuing careers. And then this...
"So these people used to meet and get up as high on the rock as they could, and looking towards the mainland (where they thought the Great Being was) they would cry out, "Come to us! Come and help us!" And all the while He was down (by His Spirit) among the poor struggling, drowning creatures in the angry deep, with His arms around them trying to drag them out, and looking up - oh! so longingly but all in vain - to those on the rock, crying to them with His voice all hoarse from calling, "Come to Me! Come, and help Me!"
GUH. I just can't even.
What the heck--the whole vision is below the cut.
Context: The sea is full of drowning human sinners, the rock is the safe place on which the saved rest. Some are busy jumping back into the sea to save more drowning people, but most of the saved stand around, making music, looking pretty, pursuing careers. And then this...
"So these people used to meet and get up as high on the rock as they could, and looking towards the mainland (where they thought the Great Being was) they would cry out, "Come to us! Come and help us!" And all the while He was down (by His Spirit) among the poor struggling, drowning creatures in the angry deep, with His arms around them trying to drag them out, and looking up - oh! so longingly but all in vain - to those on the rock, crying to them with His voice all hoarse from calling, "Come to Me! Come, and help Me!"
GUH. I just can't even.
What the heck--the whole vision is below the cut.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Angel vs. Spike
Last week I was thrilled to discover that Daniel had watched all seven seasons of Buffy and all five seasons of Angel. Then I was completely disappointed, because his favorite character is Angel, and he doesn't even like Spike a little bit.
Which got me thinking: Why is Spike so obviously superior to Angel? The result: this essay.
Angel is a big ball of "everything happens to me" whereas Spike is a big ball of "I will happen to everything!" I like my men (and TV characters) proactive. And funny. And also full of the sexy.
Let's go deeper, shall we?
As a human, Angel was a whoring, horrible man who followed vampire Darla because she promised him a life of further debauchery.
As a human, Spike was a lovesick poet who over-cared for his mother and followed vampire Drusilla because she promised a life of poetry and acceptance.
As a soulless vampire, Angel immediately killed his family, then tore the world apart because he wanted everyone to suffer as much pain as possible.
As a soulless vampire, Spike immediately killed his mother so that her tuberculosis could be cured and she could have eternal life...then killed her again when he realized he had turned her into a monster. He tore the world apart because it was fun, and despite his evil nature and two-timing girlfriend, remained monogamously devoted to the woman he loved.
As Buffy's romantic interest, Angel fell into big epic love, wanting to find meaning in her purpose. He never tried to curb her 16-year-old puppy love with his centuries old wisdom, and in fact manipulated her emotions when she had the sense to realize their relationship was doomed.
As Buffy's romantic interest, Spike pursued her for three years because he was so in love with her as an individual, and he died loving her despite never believing he had received her love in return.
As a redeemed vampire, Angel was forced to have a soul by a gypsy curse, and then proceeded to mope around for centuries in alleys eating rats.
As a redeemed vampire, Spike fought to have a soul, suffered a brief lapse of insanity, then went immediately into fighting evil and becoming a man, this time for himself and not just to impress the girl he loved.
Um, is there even a contest? And I barely mentioned Spike's wit, joie de vivre, and general sardonic optimism, contrasted to Angel's constant brooking of "life is just the worst." (Granted, Angel got funnier when he got his own show, though mostly because he started making fun of his own brooding tendencies.)
Spike rules. The end.
Which got me thinking: Why is Spike so obviously superior to Angel? The result: this essay.
Angel is a big ball of "everything happens to me" whereas Spike is a big ball of "I will happen to everything!" I like my men (and TV characters) proactive. And funny. And also full of the sexy.
Let's go deeper, shall we?
As a human, Angel was a whoring, horrible man who followed vampire Darla because she promised him a life of further debauchery.
As a human, Spike was a lovesick poet who over-cared for his mother and followed vampire Drusilla because she promised a life of poetry and acceptance.
As a soulless vampire, Angel immediately killed his family, then tore the world apart because he wanted everyone to suffer as much pain as possible.
As a soulless vampire, Spike immediately killed his mother so that her tuberculosis could be cured and she could have eternal life...then killed her again when he realized he had turned her into a monster. He tore the world apart because it was fun, and despite his evil nature and two-timing girlfriend, remained monogamously devoted to the woman he loved.
As Buffy's romantic interest, Angel fell into big epic love, wanting to find meaning in her purpose. He never tried to curb her 16-year-old puppy love with his centuries old wisdom, and in fact manipulated her emotions when she had the sense to realize their relationship was doomed.
As Buffy's romantic interest, Spike pursued her for three years because he was so in love with her as an individual, and he died loving her despite never believing he had received her love in return.
As a redeemed vampire, Angel was forced to have a soul by a gypsy curse, and then proceeded to mope around for centuries in alleys eating rats.
As a redeemed vampire, Spike fought to have a soul, suffered a brief lapse of insanity, then went immediately into fighting evil and becoming a man, this time for himself and not just to impress the girl he loved.
Um, is there even a contest? And I barely mentioned Spike's wit, joie de vivre, and general sardonic optimism, contrasted to Angel's constant brooking of "life is just the worst." (Granted, Angel got funnier when he got his own show, though mostly because he started making fun of his own brooding tendencies.)
Spike rules. The end.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Family Friendly vs. Faith Friendly
I read an article in Relevant about the difference between something being family friendly and being faith friendly. I've never thought about that so directly, but it cleared up a lot of random feelings I've been having, now that I listen to WCIC in the mornings and just, you know, living life.
Because I definitely think there's a difference. The Bible is so not family friendly, what with the incest and the chopping up of women into twelve pieces. On a less dramatic note, the Psalms cover all kinds of emotion--rage, doubt, joy, betrayal, peace. A lot of stuff that isn't comfortable to talk about is laid out for us in the Bible.
And since when should faith be comfortable? I mean, I get that WCIC is trying to appeal to a broad audience, but I hope people don't go there for their only spiritual nourishment. Faith goes far deeper than what is appropriate for five-year-old ears.
One thing the article asked was: is it ever okay for curse words to support faith issues? I'm probably biased because I don't think cussing is sinful (I hate cursing that comes from anger, but similarly, I hate any words that are meant to be hurtful). But this is a whole different ball game than "sure, it's not evil." Can cursing be good? And I would say yes. Curse words, at their simplest, are meant to emphasize. And some spiritual topics need emphasis.
This reminds me of one of David Platt's sermons at Union. He said 16,000 children die every day from hunger, and we had damn well better do something about it. Then he paused and continued, "And you know the sad thing? More of you are sitting there thinking about how I said 'damn' than about those 16,000 children who are dying right now."
That's why cursing can be appropriate. It draws your attention, and it sticks with you (or at least it does if you're not used to hearing Baptist preachers curse at the pulpit). No way would I remember that moment if he hadn't said damn.
And that's just cussing! What about violence and sex? Can they ever be faith friendly? Again, I say yes. For a sociology class, a bunch of students watched a movie called Trade. It was about sex traffickers who kidnapped and sold women and children here in American suburbia. There was graphic sex and violence. It was painful to watch.
Which is what is so valuable. Never before had the issue of sex trafficking seemed so dire or so horrendous. Quoting statistics or vaguely describing the situation would not have inspired the disgust that seeing the act did. God tells us over and over again in the Bible to take care of the poor and the broken. I am much more likely to do so after watching Trade than after hearing a lecture. Visual trumps auditory a lot of the time.
Should we watch porn and encourage bloodlust and lace our sentences with f-bombs? No. But I do not believe the answer is to shut out parts of this life that we deem "unsavory." Keep your kids from it, sure, I guess. But I think we're doing ourselves a disservice (and we're definitely doing the world a disservice if we stay in our comfy middle-class homes because we're scared of, or ignorant of, the horrific everyday struggles of so many people on our planet) if we block out everything.
Family friendly is fine. But it's not everything, and it's not enough.
Because I definitely think there's a difference. The Bible is so not family friendly, what with the incest and the chopping up of women into twelve pieces. On a less dramatic note, the Psalms cover all kinds of emotion--rage, doubt, joy, betrayal, peace. A lot of stuff that isn't comfortable to talk about is laid out for us in the Bible.
And since when should faith be comfortable? I mean, I get that WCIC is trying to appeal to a broad audience, but I hope people don't go there for their only spiritual nourishment. Faith goes far deeper than what is appropriate for five-year-old ears.
One thing the article asked was: is it ever okay for curse words to support faith issues? I'm probably biased because I don't think cussing is sinful (I hate cursing that comes from anger, but similarly, I hate any words that are meant to be hurtful). But this is a whole different ball game than "sure, it's not evil." Can cursing be good? And I would say yes. Curse words, at their simplest, are meant to emphasize. And some spiritual topics need emphasis.
This reminds me of one of David Platt's sermons at Union. He said 16,000 children die every day from hunger, and we had damn well better do something about it. Then he paused and continued, "And you know the sad thing? More of you are sitting there thinking about how I said 'damn' than about those 16,000 children who are dying right now."
That's why cursing can be appropriate. It draws your attention, and it sticks with you (or at least it does if you're not used to hearing Baptist preachers curse at the pulpit). No way would I remember that moment if he hadn't said damn.
And that's just cussing! What about violence and sex? Can they ever be faith friendly? Again, I say yes. For a sociology class, a bunch of students watched a movie called Trade. It was about sex traffickers who kidnapped and sold women and children here in American suburbia. There was graphic sex and violence. It was painful to watch.
Which is what is so valuable. Never before had the issue of sex trafficking seemed so dire or so horrendous. Quoting statistics or vaguely describing the situation would not have inspired the disgust that seeing the act did. God tells us over and over again in the Bible to take care of the poor and the broken. I am much more likely to do so after watching Trade than after hearing a lecture. Visual trumps auditory a lot of the time.
Should we watch porn and encourage bloodlust and lace our sentences with f-bombs? No. But I do not believe the answer is to shut out parts of this life that we deem "unsavory." Keep your kids from it, sure, I guess. But I think we're doing ourselves a disservice (and we're definitely doing the world a disservice if we stay in our comfy middle-class homes because we're scared of, or ignorant of, the horrific everyday struggles of so many people on our planet) if we block out everything.
Family friendly is fine. But it's not everything, and it's not enough.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Service Weekend Test Run
I started the first college-led service weekend in a crappy mood, but I'm pleased to say it didn't last long, because of all the awesomeness. No youth showed up, which turned out to be a good thing, because we got to be laidback and spontaneous.
We hung out at the torn apart Rt. 40 house, eating chili and discussing David Platt's Radical. There isn't plumbing at the house yet, so in place of toilets, we had a bucket and gravel. Let me tell you, I was excited to use a glorified kitty litter box. (I'm not even kidding. Even during my pre-weekend funk when I thought the whole thing was stupid, the bucket toilet was the one thing to which I looked forward.) It's the simple things, really. And even better, Josh made a "toilet seat" for me, since I told him on Wednesday that I'm not a fan of hovering. Hahahaahaaa, best gift ever.
Since Westley, Andrea, and Joe weren't spending the night, we decided to just stay at the Wineinger's. I'm pretty sure we all almost died during that five mile drive, what with not being able to see the road at all. But we survived, and stayed up talking about ridiculous and hilarious things until 2:30 in the morning. I miss that.
In the morning, my car wouldn't start. Poor baby Bertha, she is just not a fan of the cold Northern winters. But if ever there is a place to have car trouble, it is at the Wineinger house! Steve and Josh got me fixed up, and I went to work. The Humane Society brought in six trained therapy dogs, and 17 kids had signed up to read to the dogs for fifteen minutes. Um, it was crazy adorable. The kids would sit beside these tranquil dogs, intently reading Dr. Seuss or Harry Potter, one hand holding the book and the other hand lying on the dog's neck.
Best library program ever.
Then I met up with our group at the church, where they had sorted all the clothes we'd collected. We loaded the fifteen passenger van and headed to the Methodist church downtown. We hoped to catch people leaving Loaves and Fishes, but we got there at 1:30. Westley and I found probably eight people, and told them that we had a bunch of winter clothes if anyone wanted anything.
We gave out quite a bit. One woman got a hat and scarf for herself, then agreed to take some stuff for her nieces. One guy broke my heart, because when Westley and I told him about the clothes, he said, "I should be giving you guys stuff! I'm a strong man..." But he did follow us, and he ended up accepting some things.
It was all very cool. I was super pleased that talking to people was not a big deal to me. Westley and I just happened to be sitting closest to the door, so we got that job, and it just wasn't an issue. I am consistently amazed at how much I've changed in the last few years.
We drove around unsuccessfully for awhile after that. No one was outside because it was freaking cold. But we kept everything that was left, and we've got an actual plan laid out for our next trip in a few weeks.
Very encouraging weekend. It feels so good to help people, to talk to people who are so different from me socially, but so much the same on the inside. Can't wait for the 29th.
We hung out at the torn apart Rt. 40 house, eating chili and discussing David Platt's Radical. There isn't plumbing at the house yet, so in place of toilets, we had a bucket and gravel. Let me tell you, I was excited to use a glorified kitty litter box. (I'm not even kidding. Even during my pre-weekend funk when I thought the whole thing was stupid, the bucket toilet was the one thing to which I looked forward.) It's the simple things, really. And even better, Josh made a "toilet seat" for me, since I told him on Wednesday that I'm not a fan of hovering. Hahahaahaaa, best gift ever.
Since Westley, Andrea, and Joe weren't spending the night, we decided to just stay at the Wineinger's. I'm pretty sure we all almost died during that five mile drive, what with not being able to see the road at all. But we survived, and stayed up talking about ridiculous and hilarious things until 2:30 in the morning. I miss that.
In the morning, my car wouldn't start. Poor baby Bertha, she is just not a fan of the cold Northern winters. But if ever there is a place to have car trouble, it is at the Wineinger house! Steve and Josh got me fixed up, and I went to work. The Humane Society brought in six trained therapy dogs, and 17 kids had signed up to read to the dogs for fifteen minutes. Um, it was crazy adorable. The kids would sit beside these tranquil dogs, intently reading Dr. Seuss or Harry Potter, one hand holding the book and the other hand lying on the dog's neck.
Best library program ever.
Then I met up with our group at the church, where they had sorted all the clothes we'd collected. We loaded the fifteen passenger van and headed to the Methodist church downtown. We hoped to catch people leaving Loaves and Fishes, but we got there at 1:30. Westley and I found probably eight people, and told them that we had a bunch of winter clothes if anyone wanted anything.
We gave out quite a bit. One woman got a hat and scarf for herself, then agreed to take some stuff for her nieces. One guy broke my heart, because when Westley and I told him about the clothes, he said, "I should be giving you guys stuff! I'm a strong man..." But he did follow us, and he ended up accepting some things.
It was all very cool. I was super pleased that talking to people was not a big deal to me. Westley and I just happened to be sitting closest to the door, so we got that job, and it just wasn't an issue. I am consistently amazed at how much I've changed in the last few years.
We drove around unsuccessfully for awhile after that. No one was outside because it was freaking cold. But we kept everything that was left, and we've got an actual plan laid out for our next trip in a few weeks.
Very encouraging weekend. It feels so good to help people, to talk to people who are so different from me socially, but so much the same on the inside. Can't wait for the 29th.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
AGGGhh
I am rereading my pre-Senegal blog, and it is just making me pissed at myself. Back then, I was so in touch with God. Even when I was ignoring him, I figured out why, and I saw what he was doing. I was so scared to go to Senegal, and I had this awesome backdrop of Christian classes and Christian friends and Christian roommates to help me through that.
Last December I wrote about being horribly selfish, wasting my days in front of the TV or reading books. I have deluded myself into thinking that I can spend all my time reading because, well, I'm a librarian and it's good to know your product. But no, really, I'm still just horribly selfish.
How did I go to Africa and have this life-changing experience, and then go back to being the same?
It's like I always said when I was in college--Peoria makes me regress. I love it here, but it turns me into an adolescent. I hate that. I hate being boy crazy. I hate struggling between childhood and adulthood. But that's all I do here. Not a good idea to live in your hometown.
But I'm scared that going to Mongolia won't do anything. What if going overseas to kick myself in the butt doesn't work anymore because I look forward to it?
What if I'm supposed to be learning things here in Peoria and I'm so lazy and ugh, living the American dream that I don't even see the lessons or care to follow them?
Why am I so focused on myself? Why aren't I in love with Jesus the way I was? I used to know so confidently that I was put on this earth to glorify him, and that every day was an adventure in which I could know him better. And now? Now I work at the library, mope at home, and drown my sorrows in entertainment.
I'm so ready to move on and live overseas, but I'm so scared that it won't fix anything. As Neil Gaiman said in The Graveyard Book, wherever you go, you take yourself with you (though he was referring to death). I wish there was a way I could leave myself behind.
Last December I wrote about being horribly selfish, wasting my days in front of the TV or reading books. I have deluded myself into thinking that I can spend all my time reading because, well, I'm a librarian and it's good to know your product. But no, really, I'm still just horribly selfish.
How did I go to Africa and have this life-changing experience, and then go back to being the same?
It's like I always said when I was in college--Peoria makes me regress. I love it here, but it turns me into an adolescent. I hate that. I hate being boy crazy. I hate struggling between childhood and adulthood. But that's all I do here. Not a good idea to live in your hometown.
But I'm scared that going to Mongolia won't do anything. What if going overseas to kick myself in the butt doesn't work anymore because I look forward to it?
What if I'm supposed to be learning things here in Peoria and I'm so lazy and ugh, living the American dream that I don't even see the lessons or care to follow them?
Why am I so focused on myself? Why aren't I in love with Jesus the way I was? I used to know so confidently that I was put on this earth to glorify him, and that every day was an adventure in which I could know him better. And now? Now I work at the library, mope at home, and drown my sorrows in entertainment.
I'm so ready to move on and live overseas, but I'm so scared that it won't fix anything. As Neil Gaiman said in The Graveyard Book, wherever you go, you take yourself with you (though he was referring to death). I wish there was a way I could leave myself behind.
My Life as a List
1) A girl with whom I graduated from high school brought her daughter to my story time today. This was very weird, because, well, I avoid people from high school. (I know, horrible idea to work in the Dunlap library.) Also, when I was finally confronted with her, I had to sing to her. And finally, she has a three-year-old. WHAT.
2) I miss college. I miss not having to worry about parents, and just saying, "Hey, let's look for homeless people to feed," and then doing it.
3) I hate being in a position of leadership. I don't like red tape, and I don't like rules, and I don't like bureaucracy. I can avoid those things when it's just me, but apparently they are things that must be dealt with when people's lives are at stake. Or something. I don't know; it displeases me and tires me.
4) I do feel better about the college group at church, though. Because of the two above revelations. And now I've come to see that it is a group that has to answer to people, and I guess it is going to be just another group at the church, and there are rules to go along with it. It will never be as awesome as I want it to be. Now that I am resigned to that, I think I can stop stressing as much.
5) I've been working with the reporter from the Chilli newspaper about the article he's writing on the Dunlap Library. I met him a month ago at a program, and I liked him so much that I told multiple people he was going to be my future husband. He seemed perfect (1. worked for WorldVision over the summer, 2. favorite color is purple and defended it to a kid who called it "girly", 3. settled in to play with the kids, 4. likes LotR, Narnia, and HP, 5. we immediately had this lovely friendly vibe going on). There are other people who share most of these traits, but Brandon is MY AGE, and for a brief moment I thought romance could be something now and not years in the future.
I waited a whole week before internet stalking him, and there I found out he is engaged. Of course, I still had to interact with him for advertisements and stuff, and he came to a couple events where no kids showed, and we two just talked. And his emails were always stupidly friendly. And the whole time we talked I wanted to shout, "I WAS FLIRTING BEFORE. WE ARE NOT FRIENDS. STOP BEING NICE." But I didn't, and I dreaded every time I had to see him.
But I just found out he transferred to Washington news, so I will not see him again!
I am very much a fan of not having my stupidity shoved in my face. There is nothing worse than misreading signals and then having to deal with that ignorance over and over again (like Kevin, oh my word, that was the worst).
6) Okay, I'm done. That's my life today.
2) I miss college. I miss not having to worry about parents, and just saying, "Hey, let's look for homeless people to feed," and then doing it.
3) I hate being in a position of leadership. I don't like red tape, and I don't like rules, and I don't like bureaucracy. I can avoid those things when it's just me, but apparently they are things that must be dealt with when people's lives are at stake. Or something. I don't know; it displeases me and tires me.
4) I do feel better about the college group at church, though. Because of the two above revelations. And now I've come to see that it is a group that has to answer to people, and I guess it is going to be just another group at the church, and there are rules to go along with it. It will never be as awesome as I want it to be. Now that I am resigned to that, I think I can stop stressing as much.
5) I've been working with the reporter from the Chilli newspaper about the article he's writing on the Dunlap Library. I met him a month ago at a program, and I liked him so much that I told multiple people he was going to be my future husband. He seemed perfect (1. worked for WorldVision over the summer, 2. favorite color is purple and defended it to a kid who called it "girly", 3. settled in to play with the kids, 4. likes LotR, Narnia, and HP, 5. we immediately had this lovely friendly vibe going on). There are other people who share most of these traits, but Brandon is MY AGE, and for a brief moment I thought romance could be something now and not years in the future.
I waited a whole week before internet stalking him, and there I found out he is engaged. Of course, I still had to interact with him for advertisements and stuff, and he came to a couple events where no kids showed, and we two just talked. And his emails were always stupidly friendly. And the whole time we talked I wanted to shout, "I WAS FLIRTING BEFORE. WE ARE NOT FRIENDS. STOP BEING NICE." But I didn't, and I dreaded every time I had to see him.
But I just found out he transferred to Washington news, so I will not see him again!
I am very much a fan of not having my stupidity shoved in my face. There is nothing worse than misreading signals and then having to deal with that ignorance over and over again (like Kevin, oh my word, that was the worst).
6) Okay, I'm done. That's my life today.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Don't Even Read This It's Too Random
My car has some snazzy new tires to show off, and I'm $500 in the hole. BUT I am pleased, because there is something very gratifying about buying new tires after one blows out. I know I got all the use I could out of them, so it doesn't seem so bad to get new ones.
I had lunch with the older sister of one of my school friends. She's moving to Rwanda next week, so we talked Africa. It's so nice to hang out with single 20-something year olds who are invested in traveling and helping the world. She even wants to adopt and therefore avoid childbirth!
Every time I say these things, I do realize how narcissistic I sound.
But really, I love me some girl power conversations. (What is with me and the "I love me" or "I hate me"? That's not even clever English manipulation. Bad Tricia!) It's nice to have someone else reiterate how impossible it is to find a guy in Peoria who wants to live overseas. And it's nice to hear that someone else is not going to sit around and wait for a guy when there is a world to explore and lives to better! (Even though if the right guy asked, I totally would, because I HAVE NOT KILLED THE ROMANTIC IN ME after all.)
I was also thinking about how people frequently ask whether you're dating or married. Which, I'm sorry, is ridiculous. Is someone's relationship status more important than their contribution to the world? Nope, choking that rant off before I even begin.
And I'm only saying these things because I really wish there were boys around. I don't even need one to complete my life. I'm happy with my goals and such. I just want one so people will stop bugging me, and also because it would be nice to know that one person thinks I'm the bomb diggity. But that is selfish, so, whatever.
Oh man, there is no rhyme or reason to this post.
Also, I watched the Christmas Glee episode, with Grinch!Sue, and it was awesome. I got all excited for Christmas, and then I remembered that I've got to wait 11 months before that comes around again.
I'm only still writing because I'm waiting for Stephanie to reply to me on facebook. Oh, okay, there she is. My life isn't interesting enough to continue talking about anyway.
I had lunch with the older sister of one of my school friends. She's moving to Rwanda next week, so we talked Africa. It's so nice to hang out with single 20-something year olds who are invested in traveling and helping the world. She even wants to adopt and therefore avoid childbirth!
Every time I say these things, I do realize how narcissistic I sound.
But really, I love me some girl power conversations. (What is with me and the "I love me" or "I hate me"? That's not even clever English manipulation. Bad Tricia!) It's nice to have someone else reiterate how impossible it is to find a guy in Peoria who wants to live overseas. And it's nice to hear that someone else is not going to sit around and wait for a guy when there is a world to explore and lives to better! (Even though if the right guy asked, I totally would, because I HAVE NOT KILLED THE ROMANTIC IN ME after all.)
I was also thinking about how people frequently ask whether you're dating or married. Which, I'm sorry, is ridiculous. Is someone's relationship status more important than their contribution to the world? Nope, choking that rant off before I even begin.
And I'm only saying these things because I really wish there were boys around. I don't even need one to complete my life. I'm happy with my goals and such. I just want one so people will stop bugging me, and also because it would be nice to know that one person thinks I'm the bomb diggity. But that is selfish, so, whatever.
Oh man, there is no rhyme or reason to this post.
Also, I watched the Christmas Glee episode, with Grinch!Sue, and it was awesome. I got all excited for Christmas, and then I remembered that I've got to wait 11 months before that comes around again.
I'm only still writing because I'm waiting for Stephanie to reply to me on facebook. Oh, okay, there she is. My life isn't interesting enough to continue talking about anyway.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Me
Turns out, I'm generally an optimist and a bleeding heart.
On the way to work, my car was rumbling ominously, so I dropped the speed. Which was of the good because pretty soon my tire blew and I pulled off the road to the gut-churning smell of burned rubber. Movies are brain-dumbing, because when I got out to check, I had to forcibly keep myself from backing away, because WHO KNOWS? the car might fireball from...you know...a blown tire.
But mostly it was exciting! I got to call into work and say I would be late. An old guy stopped and asked if he could help. I forced my mom out of her sickbed to drive me to work, and my dad took it into the shop for the new set of tires it so desperately needs.
I know that I'm weird in that I tend to get excited about horrible (or boring) things. Blown tire? Adventure! Unanticipated hair cut? Reinvention! Stains on your shirt? A story! Overblown blood vessels in my eyeball? Drama!
I like this about myself. Better to greet the mundane and the annoying with a smile than a frown, I say.
What gets me pessimistic (and angry!) is people being stupid. I hate me some people who pick on others. I did not know that this was a hot button of mine, but lately people have been picking on or subtly criticizing people that I don't even particularly care about, and I RAGE LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED. Mostly to my mom, but still. Sometimes I tell people to stopit.
Know thyself--I'm getting there, Socrates.
On the way to work, my car was rumbling ominously, so I dropped the speed. Which was of the good because pretty soon my tire blew and I pulled off the road to the gut-churning smell of burned rubber. Movies are brain-dumbing, because when I got out to check, I had to forcibly keep myself from backing away, because WHO KNOWS? the car might fireball from...you know...a blown tire.
But mostly it was exciting! I got to call into work and say I would be late. An old guy stopped and asked if he could help. I forced my mom out of her sickbed to drive me to work, and my dad took it into the shop for the new set of tires it so desperately needs.
I know that I'm weird in that I tend to get excited about horrible (or boring) things. Blown tire? Adventure! Unanticipated hair cut? Reinvention! Stains on your shirt? A story! Overblown blood vessels in my eyeball? Drama!
I like this about myself. Better to greet the mundane and the annoying with a smile than a frown, I say.
What gets me pessimistic (and angry!) is people being stupid. I hate me some people who pick on others. I did not know that this was a hot button of mine, but lately people have been picking on or subtly criticizing people that I don't even particularly care about, and I RAGE LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED. Mostly to my mom, but still. Sometimes I tell people to stopit.
Know thyself--I'm getting there, Socrates.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
List of Good Things
1. I gave up TV from post-Senegal to January, as a kind of "I love You more than TV" sort of thing. And of course, on January 1st, I watched five episodes. Luckily! I talked to Stephanie, and we agreed to keep each other accountable to only two episodes per day, so we will not waste our lives as couch potatoes.
2. Also Stephanie and I are memorizing James! Which is great, because James is great. Steph has a butt load of it memorized already, so I need to get my game on.
3. David showed me a commercial with Brett Erlich, and then in Bible study I said something and both Daniel and Troy said I sounded like him. Life is complete.
4. Bible study was awesome! We went through the whole book of Joel (we're powering through the Minor Prophets because when we went slowly people got bored), and it was actually really awesome to do the whole book at once. Makes it more cohesive and understandable. I want to do more reading whole books at a time.
And anyway, I love teaching the Minor Prophets, because it makes me study them and read extra resources, and I get a whole lot more out of it than I would if I just read them through on my own time.
And plus! I just do so much love my church friends. Next week's service project is really coming together, and even though there are still some arguments about the college kids' exact place in the church, hopefully all that is dying down. It is so encouraging to be surrounded by people who are passionate about helping people in need. I love that our idea of hanging out can totally be passing out clothes or visiting nursing homes.
5. I love the junior high Sunday School girls. Now that we've divided up girls/boys, the girls are really opening up and talking. It's weird, because we never talked about sex when I was in junior high, but we totally did today. So much of the world has changed in just ten short years. Best part:
Junior High Girl: If I got pregnant at 16, I would be so mad at God.
Me: Um, that would be entirely your fault, because you had sex with a boy.
Junior High Girl: But that's gross!
Me: ...That's how you have babies.
Junior High Girl: But that's gross!
Me: Then don't do it.
It's almost eerie how much I notice myself acting like Wendy. I can only hope that I will have as positive and as big of an impact on their lives as she did on me.
6. I really need to stop being pissy about living in Peoria. I used to worry that I wouldn't be able to live a life of missions in Peoria, because no one else wanted to, and blah blah pity party etc. BUT. God has given me a chance to talk to kids about missionaries. He's given me two classes to teach, where I can lead discussions about God and life. And He's given me a group of friends who are missions minded in Peoria, which is exactly what I wanted but never expected.
What I'm saying is, I'm glad I'm in Peoria. This might be the most I've served God yet, including when I lived in Senegal. Yay for glorifying God anywhere, anytime.
2. Also Stephanie and I are memorizing James! Which is great, because James is great. Steph has a butt load of it memorized already, so I need to get my game on.
3. David showed me a commercial with Brett Erlich, and then in Bible study I said something and both Daniel and Troy said I sounded like him. Life is complete.
4. Bible study was awesome! We went through the whole book of Joel (we're powering through the Minor Prophets because when we went slowly people got bored), and it was actually really awesome to do the whole book at once. Makes it more cohesive and understandable. I want to do more reading whole books at a time.
And anyway, I love teaching the Minor Prophets, because it makes me study them and read extra resources, and I get a whole lot more out of it than I would if I just read them through on my own time.
And plus! I just do so much love my church friends. Next week's service project is really coming together, and even though there are still some arguments about the college kids' exact place in the church, hopefully all that is dying down. It is so encouraging to be surrounded by people who are passionate about helping people in need. I love that our idea of hanging out can totally be passing out clothes or visiting nursing homes.
5. I love the junior high Sunday School girls. Now that we've divided up girls/boys, the girls are really opening up and talking. It's weird, because we never talked about sex when I was in junior high, but we totally did today. So much of the world has changed in just ten short years. Best part:
Junior High Girl: If I got pregnant at 16, I would be so mad at God.
Me: Um, that would be entirely your fault, because you had sex with a boy.
Junior High Girl: But that's gross!
Me: ...That's how you have babies.
Junior High Girl: But that's gross!
Me: Then don't do it.
It's almost eerie how much I notice myself acting like Wendy. I can only hope that I will have as positive and as big of an impact on their lives as she did on me.
6. I really need to stop being pissy about living in Peoria. I used to worry that I wouldn't be able to live a life of missions in Peoria, because no one else wanted to, and blah blah pity party etc. BUT. God has given me a chance to talk to kids about missionaries. He's given me two classes to teach, where I can lead discussions about God and life. And He's given me a group of friends who are missions minded in Peoria, which is exactly what I wanted but never expected.
What I'm saying is, I'm glad I'm in Peoria. This might be the most I've served God yet, including when I lived in Senegal. Yay for glorifying God anywhere, anytime.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
2010 In Review
2010 was my first taste of life as an adult. I moved to another continent, became way more confident, traveled around the US on my return, went to two weddings in which four of my friends really really became adults, and got my first official job.
Looking back, 2010 was undoubtedly the year of Senegal. Lived there five months. Returned for two weeks. Solidified my desire to live overseas.
As much as 2010 saw me making steps towards some kind of maturity, what with teaching and mentoring and traveling, well, I also seem to have made a 360 with my life. Because I'm back living at home with my parents in the city I grew up.
Here's hoping 2011 moves me further forward.
Looking back, 2010 was undoubtedly the year of Senegal. Lived there five months. Returned for two weeks. Solidified my desire to live overseas.
As much as 2010 saw me making steps towards some kind of maturity, what with teaching and mentoring and traveling, well, I also seem to have made a 360 with my life. Because I'm back living at home with my parents in the city I grew up.
Here's hoping 2011 moves me further forward.
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