Today I know two things:
1) God loves me. Individually, like he cares specifically for my mental and emotional wellbeing.
2) God wants me to go into missions.
Why do I know these things? Because it is hard to live post-college. At Union, I could have crazy awesome conversations about serving God and following Him around the world any night of the week with anyone who crossed my path. I was surrounded by people who were being called into the same lifestyle that I was. Now I am surrounded by married people and young people and people who are pursuing careers. Which is fine for them, if that is what God wants for them. But it can be subtly discouraging for me.
But! To keep me from losing focus entirely, God sends people along to remind me of what I love, and to refill me with a passion for going to all the world to make disciples for the greatest God ever. Right when I got back from Senegal, He sent Megan Sage. Then there was Gany. And today there was Rebekah Warner.
Rebekah was one of those baby-friends, and I remember liking her in preschool. But then she moved to Japan, and when she came back to the States, it wasn't to Peoria. She went to Music Camp with me in 6th grade, but I don't remember why. And that is probably the last time I saw her.
But in an awesome God move, she sent a letter to our family asking for support because she is going to South Africa for three years, and she needs money. I contacted her, and today we met up, because WE ARE THE SAME PERSON.
We met at Starbucks at 10:30, and when I finally looked at my cell phone, two whole hours had flown by. God is so good--talking to her was exactly what I needed. She shares so many of my thoughts, about loving cultures, about wanting to live radically where finances are concerned, about wanting true Christianity, not something tainted by American culture or entitlement or self. It was so good to hear her say my thoughts, and to think, "Yes! That's why I feel this way! We can do great things for God! We are meant to stick out, to look completely ridiculous to the world."
And it was so wonderful to be able to share my experience with someone and pass on a bit of wisdom. I could tell her about culture shock and getting used to being the only white face in a crowd. It's so nice to know that God is still using my time in Senegal to help others.
But the best part. Rebekah said, "I mean, it's really the easy way out. Living in Africa? That's where it's easiest to trust God and love Him and tell people about Him. Staying in America and getting a job? That would be hard. Being a radical Christian and avoiding the American dream? That's hard. I'd much rather be a missionary."
Yes yes yes you are reading my thoughts. And then she absolutely healed my heart. I have had such little confidence in my life ever since some people told me I'd done things wrong, and am currently doing things wrong. And I don't think I am. I really think God told me to stop applying to missions programs. I think being patient and waiting for God to open doors is incredibly important and hard and sanctifying. But now I've got voices in my head telling me I'm wrong, that I should be more proactive, that I'm a failure.
But Rebekah stopped and told me, "You're doing the hard part. I'm definitely going to be praying for you, because it's amazing that you are waiting. You're living in America even though you have a passion for missions, and that is way harder than what I'm doing."
My word, I'm going to cry. Stupid. But it was so....just....it was exactly what my soul needed to hear. God wants me to go into missions, and I am keeping my ears and my heart open for the moment when He says yes. But I know that already I am learning a lot of lessons here in Peoria. I'm learning to love kids, to plan events, to teach, to mentor, to love people I don't necessarily love. God is preparing me for the service I will do sometime, somewhere. I am waiting. And it's so nice to have someone understand that it is HARD to be in America when all I want is to be somewhere else.
I'm so glad God let me have one of Rebekah's mornings. I think she's going to be absolutely brilliant in South Africa, and I hope we will be friends on and off in this lifetime. I can't wait to hear about all her adventures. I can't wait to have adventures myself, but I know that God's timing is better than mine.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Church Talk
I haven't had much of a chance to process this latest trip to Senegal--the day after I returned to the States, I immediately jumped into a crazy week at work. Then I got a cold, and that was a nice excuse to sleep a lot and deal with the culture shock. And then all of a sudden we were meant to talk. I knew immediately what I would say, and I felt very removed and intellectual about it.
Then we sang "Before the Throne of God Above." And I watched my own slideshow (which has a song from Mumford and Sons....they kill me with their truth and searching and honesty), and at a picture of me with Liz, Jesse, and Melanie, I suddenly choked up. It was only two weeks ago. I miss them. I keep thinking of that night when Travis took me home, and Liz greeted me with, "Good, you're back! I need you to listen to two songs! And then we're going to watch this!" and in the process we talked a lot and laughed a lot and oh my word. I want to go back.
And then Sally talked, and Wendy, Christina, and Cheryl. It was so awesome to hear people talking about my third home, with love and hope and fond memories. I love seeing people love something that I love. Then I talked about the differences since I lived in Senegal, and all the awesome ways God is obviously working in Fatick and West Africa.
I realized something. I think I'm a bit of a mobilizer. I mean, in my Hands On devotionals toward the end, that was a big thing, about going home and mobilizing other people to pray, give, and go. But today I realized that being a mobilizer is not just something I feel I ought to do. It's something I want to do.
I want to see Woodland members selling possessions and downsizing their houses or their retirement funds in order to give money to people working around the world to bring the good news of Jesus to people who don't know Him. I want Woodland members to come together in prayer, covering the world with their faith that God will provide and guard His people. I want Woodland members to rise up, to give up their jobs and take their families to the far corners of the world, to experience the grace and the peace and the love of God and share Him with others. And I want to be right there in the middle of them.
Anyway, it was nice to learn that about myself, because even though Sally talks about all of us finding our niche on the trip....I didn't. I don't know why I went, except that God was gracious and allowed me to see friends and see Him working. Now I think I know a part of it. I'm good with words. I can write, and apparently I can speak okay. I want to use my words to inspire and/or kick people in the pants, to be a part of mobilizing a new wave of devoted and sacrificial people who will follow Jesus into their neighborhoods, their inner cities, their countries, and their world.
Then we sang "Before the Throne of God Above." And I watched my own slideshow (which has a song from Mumford and Sons....they kill me with their truth and searching and honesty), and at a picture of me with Liz, Jesse, and Melanie, I suddenly choked up. It was only two weeks ago. I miss them. I keep thinking of that night when Travis took me home, and Liz greeted me with, "Good, you're back! I need you to listen to two songs! And then we're going to watch this!" and in the process we talked a lot and laughed a lot and oh my word. I want to go back.
And then Sally talked, and Wendy, Christina, and Cheryl. It was so awesome to hear people talking about my third home, with love and hope and fond memories. I love seeing people love something that I love. Then I talked about the differences since I lived in Senegal, and all the awesome ways God is obviously working in Fatick and West Africa.
I realized something. I think I'm a bit of a mobilizer. I mean, in my Hands On devotionals toward the end, that was a big thing, about going home and mobilizing other people to pray, give, and go. But today I realized that being a mobilizer is not just something I feel I ought to do. It's something I want to do.
I want to see Woodland members selling possessions and downsizing their houses or their retirement funds in order to give money to people working around the world to bring the good news of Jesus to people who don't know Him. I want Woodland members to come together in prayer, covering the world with their faith that God will provide and guard His people. I want Woodland members to rise up, to give up their jobs and take their families to the far corners of the world, to experience the grace and the peace and the love of God and share Him with others. And I want to be right there in the middle of them.
Anyway, it was nice to learn that about myself, because even though Sally talks about all of us finding our niche on the trip....I didn't. I don't know why I went, except that God was gracious and allowed me to see friends and see Him working. Now I think I know a part of it. I'm good with words. I can write, and apparently I can speak okay. I want to use my words to inspire and/or kick people in the pants, to be a part of mobilizing a new wave of devoted and sacrificial people who will follow Jesus into their neighborhoods, their inner cities, their countries, and their world.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Reorienting. Refocusing.
Tomorrow the Woodland team and I are going to talk about Senegal during church. (It's only been two weeks since I left Senegal. How weird is that? SO WEIRD.)
So while I postponed preparing my mini-speech, I read this little story thing I'd been writing about my first trip to Senegal. And that led me to my original Senegal blog, and it kind of broke my heart. I was so into God. I was deliberately seeking Him, and I was expecting to find Him and to find answers. The world was shiny and new, and I saw God everywhere and in every event.
I miss that.
I used to sit around with Liz and talk about the Holy Spirit and giving up fear and stepping out of comfort zones. Now I sit around and talk about boys (stupid boys! the lack thereof in Senegal is still one of its most attractive qualities) and jobs and everyday menial life. Ugh. I want the fire back. I want that passion. And it's not even a mystery as to why I don't have it now.
I don't have desperation.
The speaker at the Senegalese Missionary Women's Retreat talked about living in the United States after 17 years of missionary service, and just breaking down one day because she realized she wasn't desperate for God. Why am I in the United States when that is my problem too? Why are we all so content to sit at home? To have stuff? Ugh, to go to Black Friday deals! I went shopping, and I was so giddily excited about buying a Wii for the library, because it wasn't my money. The joy of spending money for the sake of spending money is still materialism! I am still so far from where I want to be.
I want to live in a place where materialism is just not even an issue. I want to live in a place where there are far bigger spiritual lessons to be learned. I want to think about God and His attributes and let that inform my life and my choices, not the other way around.
And yes, of course I can think about God in the US. The speaker even said that the lesson she learned is that you can choose to be desperate.
But it is far easier to be desperate outside of your comfort zone than inside it.
Anyway. I didn't mean to get all emotional and ranty. The point of this is, is that I've contacted Gany, and I'm opening up the possibility of visiting her in Mongolia and seeing her church's orphanage, and making those steps towards missions again. It's all very basic, and I haven't heard back from her. But I liked what a woman said in Wendy's and my workshop...she said in her life, she is pushing on life doorways and seeing which ones open, and which ones God closes.
I'm pushing a door. We'll see what happens.
So while I postponed preparing my mini-speech, I read this little story thing I'd been writing about my first trip to Senegal. And that led me to my original Senegal blog, and it kind of broke my heart. I was so into God. I was deliberately seeking Him, and I was expecting to find Him and to find answers. The world was shiny and new, and I saw God everywhere and in every event.
I miss that.
I used to sit around with Liz and talk about the Holy Spirit and giving up fear and stepping out of comfort zones. Now I sit around and talk about boys (stupid boys! the lack thereof in Senegal is still one of its most attractive qualities) and jobs and everyday menial life. Ugh. I want the fire back. I want that passion. And it's not even a mystery as to why I don't have it now.
I don't have desperation.
The speaker at the Senegalese Missionary Women's Retreat talked about living in the United States after 17 years of missionary service, and just breaking down one day because she realized she wasn't desperate for God. Why am I in the United States when that is my problem too? Why are we all so content to sit at home? To have stuff? Ugh, to go to Black Friday deals! I went shopping, and I was so giddily excited about buying a Wii for the library, because it wasn't my money. The joy of spending money for the sake of spending money is still materialism! I am still so far from where I want to be.
I want to live in a place where materialism is just not even an issue. I want to live in a place where there are far bigger spiritual lessons to be learned. I want to think about God and His attributes and let that inform my life and my choices, not the other way around.
And yes, of course I can think about God in the US. The speaker even said that the lesson she learned is that you can choose to be desperate.
But it is far easier to be desperate outside of your comfort zone than inside it.
Anyway. I didn't mean to get all emotional and ranty. The point of this is, is that I've contacted Gany, and I'm opening up the possibility of visiting her in Mongolia and seeing her church's orphanage, and making those steps towards missions again. It's all very basic, and I haven't heard back from her. But I liked what a woman said in Wendy's and my workshop...she said in her life, she is pushing on life doorways and seeing which ones open, and which ones God closes.
I'm pushing a door. We'll see what happens.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Psalm 139
On Sunday, David told me that he'd tried to get his Sunday School class to memorize Scripture with him, but they kind of just walked out the door. Since I have been off my memorizing game for the last five months, I told him I'd do it. So we're memorizing Psalm 139, which is awesome, because Wendy likes to talk about it a lot. And when she talks about it, she glows, the way she does when she talks about Aslan or the romance of Jesus or personal gifts from God.
I wanted that glow, but for the first few verses it was just rote memorization. Disappointing. But then I got to verse 5, and that was it. That was the Word being alive, and speaking exactly to me exactly what I need to hear at this exact time in my life. You hem me in--behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
God has hemmed me in behind and before...my past and my present. Why do I constantly, agonizingly worry about the future? Why do I imagine that there are limitless possibilities from which I can choose? (Oh yeah, because my generation was fed on the lies! lies! of "you can be whatever you want to be.") But regardless of potential or experience or placement...I have a God who is hemming me in before, who is guarding my future and who is directing my steps, and the steps of everyone around me.
My word, this is freedom! I get a taste of it every now and then, and it's so good. I wish I could hold on to it, but I know I'll get sucked into this world's anxiety and slavery again. For now, though, I am enjoying the knowledge that God is in control of my life. If I live within his moral will, He will move me like His own arm, and I don't have to worry.
From there, the beginning of the psalm came alive too. God has searched me and He knows me...He is familiar with all my ways....and yet He still hems me in? He still places His hand upon me? What a glorious, undeserving thought! Truly, truly, such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain!
Oh man, good stuff. God, it's like You're talking to me and giving me words all at the same time. You are awesome. I'm so glad I'm back in the memorizing game. Taking the time to meditate and repeat Scripture can only lead to AWESOME. And I am all about increasing the awesome in my life, which inevitably means increasing the God in my life.
I wanted that glow, but for the first few verses it was just rote memorization. Disappointing. But then I got to verse 5, and that was it. That was the Word being alive, and speaking exactly to me exactly what I need to hear at this exact time in my life. You hem me in--behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
God has hemmed me in behind and before...my past and my present. Why do I constantly, agonizingly worry about the future? Why do I imagine that there are limitless possibilities from which I can choose? (Oh yeah, because my generation was fed on the lies! lies! of "you can be whatever you want to be.") But regardless of potential or experience or placement...I have a God who is hemming me in before, who is guarding my future and who is directing my steps, and the steps of everyone around me.
My word, this is freedom! I get a taste of it every now and then, and it's so good. I wish I could hold on to it, but I know I'll get sucked into this world's anxiety and slavery again. For now, though, I am enjoying the knowledge that God is in control of my life. If I live within his moral will, He will move me like His own arm, and I don't have to worry.
From there, the beginning of the psalm came alive too. God has searched me and He knows me...He is familiar with all my ways....and yet He still hems me in? He still places His hand upon me? What a glorious, undeserving thought! Truly, truly, such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain!
Oh man, good stuff. God, it's like You're talking to me and giving me words all at the same time. You are awesome. I'm so glad I'm back in the memorizing game. Taking the time to meditate and repeat Scripture can only lead to AWESOME. And I am all about increasing the awesome in my life, which inevitably means increasing the God in my life.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Lesson Learned. Kind of.
I should have been prepared. God taught me a lesson about making room for trials and pain, and about using those times to unmask my soul and see who I really am and what I really desire. Of course He was teaching me because I was going to have to put it into practice. I should be grateful for the heads-up, but mostly I feel stupid. And pained.
A while ago I met a boy, and as I do, I immediately thought he was The One. Which is silly, because I don't believe in The One. (OH wait, look, there's me finding out some soul stuff.) Anyway, I quite liked him, and he colored a picture and left it for me, which, can I just say, is cocaine to someone whose love language is gifts. I didn't check him out on the internet because I wanted our relationship to grow naturally. Well, screw that! Turns out Mark Zuckerberg reinvented social networking for a reason, and the reason is this: so that you can find out when cute nice guys are already engaged.
Seriously, I think I'm going to start a petition to stop Christian guys from being so annoyingly friendly, for the sake of poor sods like myself who are absolutely terrible at reading "signals." Whatever those are. Ugh.
And I shouldn't really be that upset, because I only knew the guy for two hours. What really gets me is all the soul-baring that this has caused me to confront. Because the fact that I jumped to marriage and happily-ever-after with a guy of mere acquaintance? That's important.
I am still, apparently, a romantic. There is this deep need within me to love and be loved by someone else. I've tried to bury it under knowledge (because yeah! I know that marriage is about 20x harder than being single!) and pride (because yeah! I don't need a guy to complete me!). But the truth is, regardless of whether I need a guy or not, and I truly don't think I NEED one...the truth is I want one.
Which makes me feel awful, because I really really want to get to a place where I only desire love from God. I don't understand how to balance the in-born relational needs God placed in me with the call to completely and totally devote my life to God.
I don't know.
I'm disappointed in myself, and I'm disappointed in the world. If I really am a pathetic sad sap, then that sucks, because there are no boys for Tricia in the world. I have very high standards, and the few that meet them have already been taken or are not age appropriate. Annoying, I say!
I'm not sure what to do with this new self-knowledge. It doesn't change anything. I'm still single, and still pursuing a meaningful life wherever God leads me. What does it matter if now I know beyond a doubt that my soul would prefer not to stay single forever? Well, at least I'm a bit more honest with myself. Too bad it was easier to be self-confident and singley-assured.
A while ago I met a boy, and as I do, I immediately thought he was The One. Which is silly, because I don't believe in The One. (OH wait, look, there's me finding out some soul stuff.) Anyway, I quite liked him, and he colored a picture and left it for me, which, can I just say, is cocaine to someone whose love language is gifts. I didn't check him out on the internet because I wanted our relationship to grow naturally. Well, screw that! Turns out Mark Zuckerberg reinvented social networking for a reason, and the reason is this: so that you can find out when cute nice guys are already engaged.
Seriously, I think I'm going to start a petition to stop Christian guys from being so annoyingly friendly, for the sake of poor sods like myself who are absolutely terrible at reading "signals." Whatever those are. Ugh.
And I shouldn't really be that upset, because I only knew the guy for two hours. What really gets me is all the soul-baring that this has caused me to confront. Because the fact that I jumped to marriage and happily-ever-after with a guy of mere acquaintance? That's important.
I am still, apparently, a romantic. There is this deep need within me to love and be loved by someone else. I've tried to bury it under knowledge (because yeah! I know that marriage is about 20x harder than being single!) and pride (because yeah! I don't need a guy to complete me!). But the truth is, regardless of whether I need a guy or not, and I truly don't think I NEED one...the truth is I want one.
Which makes me feel awful, because I really really want to get to a place where I only desire love from God. I don't understand how to balance the in-born relational needs God placed in me with the call to completely and totally devote my life to God.
I don't know.
I'm disappointed in myself, and I'm disappointed in the world. If I really am a pathetic sad sap, then that sucks, because there are no boys for Tricia in the world. I have very high standards, and the few that meet them have already been taken or are not age appropriate. Annoying, I say!
I'm not sure what to do with this new self-knowledge. It doesn't change anything. I'm still single, and still pursuing a meaningful life wherever God leads me. What does it matter if now I know beyond a doubt that my soul would prefer not to stay single forever? Well, at least I'm a bit more honest with myself. Too bad it was easier to be self-confident and singley-assured.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Obstacles in My Spiritual Journey
One of the things I've been slowly mulling over for the past year or so is the idea of Christianity being a journey. It was a huge thing for me to realize that the moment I accepted Jesus as Lord was not THE MOMENT where everything was changed and I was made perfect. It was, instead, the beginning of a process in which God changed me and is gradually making me perfect.
When I looked at Christian Tricia, I knew she wasn't perfect. What a relief to know that I'm not supposed to be, not yet!
Anyway, after that revelation, I started seeing how life affects that spiritual journey, and how those horrible times of depression or apathy or pain are actually hugely monumental in getting us closer to God and closer to who He wants us to be. At the Bible study I led this fall, I said something like, "We should look forward to trials, because they will lead us closer to God!" And everyone agreed that yes, they do, but someone told me, "But I don't think we ought to look forward to them."
At which point I, having no back bone, agreed. But really I don't! I really really think we ought to look forward to pain and temptations and the badness life throws at us. For two reasons: 1) because of their end, because God uses those times to bring us closer to Him, and that is worth looking forward to, and 2) because anticipating with joy causes our hearts to crash into those horrible times from a higher point...I would much rather meet disaster with a smile on my face instead of "oh dear, look what's come, I'd better slog my way through."
I hadn't thought much about this until I bought a book at the Senegal Missionary Women's Retreat called Soul Keeping by Howard Baker. It's brilliant, and speaks to the idea of our soul's journey, and how to focus on what really matters, and what it means to lead our soul into a closer relationship with God. And this is what Howard Baker said about the matter of depression and pain:
"Such is our human nature that, when we are desperate and lost, we are most willing to surrender to new perspectives on life and accept new directives. If we understand how such times help us arrive at our ultimate destination, we can begin to make room for them as normal, and even necessary, passages in our spiritual growth."
Make room for them! I love that! I want to make room in my life for the depression and apathy that will come after a mission trip. It is in that dark time that I see the desires God has planted in my heart, and I feel the weight of not being on mission. It is during that time that I will also be inspired to make something more of my time in the United States, because I don't want to live in that funk forever, and even though it's not as glamorous or as personally-soul-fulfilling, I can live on mission in Peoria. I would not come to those realizations without first going through depression and apathy.
God, help me to make room in my life for desperation and lostness, because I trust that it is through those times that you will bring me closer to You.
When I looked at Christian Tricia, I knew she wasn't perfect. What a relief to know that I'm not supposed to be, not yet!
Anyway, after that revelation, I started seeing how life affects that spiritual journey, and how those horrible times of depression or apathy or pain are actually hugely monumental in getting us closer to God and closer to who He wants us to be. At the Bible study I led this fall, I said something like, "We should look forward to trials, because they will lead us closer to God!" And everyone agreed that yes, they do, but someone told me, "But I don't think we ought to look forward to them."
At which point I, having no back bone, agreed. But really I don't! I really really think we ought to look forward to pain and temptations and the badness life throws at us. For two reasons: 1) because of their end, because God uses those times to bring us closer to Him, and that is worth looking forward to, and 2) because anticipating with joy causes our hearts to crash into those horrible times from a higher point...I would much rather meet disaster with a smile on my face instead of "oh dear, look what's come, I'd better slog my way through."
I hadn't thought much about this until I bought a book at the Senegal Missionary Women's Retreat called Soul Keeping by Howard Baker. It's brilliant, and speaks to the idea of our soul's journey, and how to focus on what really matters, and what it means to lead our soul into a closer relationship with God. And this is what Howard Baker said about the matter of depression and pain:
"Such is our human nature that, when we are desperate and lost, we are most willing to surrender to new perspectives on life and accept new directives. If we understand how such times help us arrive at our ultimate destination, we can begin to make room for them as normal, and even necessary, passages in our spiritual growth."
Make room for them! I love that! I want to make room in my life for the depression and apathy that will come after a mission trip. It is in that dark time that I see the desires God has planted in my heart, and I feel the weight of not being on mission. It is during that time that I will also be inspired to make something more of my time in the United States, because I don't want to live in that funk forever, and even though it's not as glamorous or as personally-soul-fulfilling, I can live on mission in Peoria. I would not come to those realizations without first going through depression and apathy.
God, help me to make room in my life for desperation and lostness, because I trust that it is through those times that you will bring me closer to You.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Traveling Perspective
One week ago, I was painting women's toenails and dumping dirty foot-water into sand. A week ago I was in Senegal, an ocean away, on a different continent.
That doesn't seem like a big deal, and so the world seems small.
My mom told me it was weird that people didn't make a bigger deal that we had returned, and.....I agreed with all those people who didn't act like it was a big deal. I guess living overseas for five months makes a two-week visit seem less monumentous. Add to that international travel every six months and friends who visit other friends in Istanbul or France or India just for kicks--what a strange new world I live in.
I love it.
But really, it's completely head-spinning that I've not been home even a week. It feels like ages. It's depressing how quickly Senegal feels like a memory. The pictures are old news. The stories are told and retold.
Life moves too quickly sometimes.
That doesn't seem like a big deal, and so the world seems small.
My mom told me it was weird that people didn't make a bigger deal that we had returned, and.....I agreed with all those people who didn't act like it was a big deal. I guess living overseas for five months makes a two-week visit seem less monumentous. Add to that international travel every six months and friends who visit other friends in Istanbul or France or India just for kicks--what a strange new world I live in.
I love it.
But really, it's completely head-spinning that I've not been home even a week. It feels like ages. It's depressing how quickly Senegal feels like a memory. The pictures are old news. The stories are told and retold.
Life moves too quickly sometimes.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
African Pants
Mostly because of Mallory's awesomeness, I bought some African pants in Saly. I'm pretty sure they win the award for "begging to be pantsed." I almost want to pants myself, it's so tempting.
When I told Mallory that I wanted some nifty African pants of my own, she said she couldn't wait to wear them in America. I told her that they would be great for Walmart, and she responded thoughtfully, "You know, whenever I picture myself wearing them in America, I am in Walmart."
Monday, November 15, 2010
I'm Back
Well, I'm in Peoria. I am not even trying to be happy about it, but maybe tomorrow I will try. I about equally want to sink into post-mission depression or rise above it.
However, I am not at all sad that I went, even though going inevitably meant leaving. I so so so much loved spending time with Liz. She is my soul mate, and no day is bad with her in it. And it wasn't just her--I love the Forsythes. I love Mallory (what's before google?). I even love the new Hands On girls. I mean, I want to continue living with them and hanging out with them, that's how much. And I love my Woodlanders, especially outside the Woodland zone.
So it was great, and the retreat in particular was just amazing. I mostly felt very useless, doing menial jobs that anyone with basic motor functions can do. But I feel so blessed, that God allowed me to go on this trip and just absorb and watch women who are desperate for God. I left feeling that I can't not be a missionary. It's the easy way out, really. I want to be desperate for God, and it's a lot easier to be desperate for Him when you're living in a poverty-stricken country, fighting against daily spiritual warfare.
That's scary. But also intensely exciting.
I don't really have thoughts for this blog. They are in my head and my heart, and are not ready for words yet.
I want to go back.
However, I am not at all sad that I went, even though going inevitably meant leaving. I so so so much loved spending time with Liz. She is my soul mate, and no day is bad with her in it. And it wasn't just her--I love the Forsythes. I love Mallory (what's before google?). I even love the new Hands On girls. I mean, I want to continue living with them and hanging out with them, that's how much. And I love my Woodlanders, especially outside the Woodland zone.
So it was great, and the retreat in particular was just amazing. I mostly felt very useless, doing menial jobs that anyone with basic motor functions can do. But I feel so blessed, that God allowed me to go on this trip and just absorb and watch women who are desperate for God. I left feeling that I can't not be a missionary. It's the easy way out, really. I want to be desperate for God, and it's a lot easier to be desperate for Him when you're living in a poverty-stricken country, fighting against daily spiritual warfare.
That's scary. But also intensely exciting.
I don't really have thoughts for this blog. They are in my head and my heart, and are not ready for words yet.
I want to go back.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Retreat
Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh. I am having such a stupendous time at the Senegal Missionary Women's retreat! I could write for ages and ages, and probably I will, even though it is after midnight and I have to be up before 7:00. For the second time.
Anyway, I was looking forward to the retreat less than Fatick, and leaving Fatick on Friday was awful, because I already miss Travis and the kids. So I was in a bad mood, and I think part of it was spiritual warfare, albeit on a lamer scale than what most people were expecting (because this retreat has been bound up in horrible horrible things, which makes me think God is/will do awesome things through it!).
So after we got to the hotel (which is beautiful and fancy by African standards) and put together the gift bags, I took the Woodlanders to La Riviera and some shops! By myself! It was so fun to be the knowledgeable one, especially since that included haggling and hamburgers.
Then we got in the pool. Heaven.
Wendy and I are in charge of leading the high school girl's small group, which we did before our first main teaching session on Friday night. Every session, we start by singing at least ten songs. Yeah, it's intense, and my legs get tired. But it's AWESOME. Oh man, singing praises with 150 women who have given up everything to serve God is just incredible.
Oh, and I found out that more than 45 organizations are represented here. Of which the IMB is a very small percentage. Very cool!
The speaker is just awesome. She completely solidified my desire to be a missionary. I don't know how anyone can listen to her stories and not want the life she has, even though her stories involve car accidents and abductions and revolutions. But she loves God, and she was a missionary for 27 years before being stationed in the United States. This morning she said that one day in the States she was running on the treadmill when she realized that she was no longer desperate for God, at which point she got off and sobbed. That is what I keep trying to say, but can't. It's hard to be desperate for God when we have so much at our fingertips.
After the teaching session, we ate a feast, then put out jewelry for women to make earrings and bracelets. I befriended one missionary in particular, and we made some pretty awesome things. The crafting was too popular, though, because it was after midnight when we finally got everyone to leave.
We started today with a breakfast feast (where I bonded with one of my high school girls), and a workshop meeting. It's very weird to be a leader here, when I am 20-30 years younger than the other leaders. But that is okay!
The first session was brilliant. Then we broke for personal prayer time, which was also brilliant. Then I met with Wendy to pray for our first workshop, which went pretty well. We had four adults along with some high school girls, so there wasn't as much discussion as we anticipated. Still, I got to share a bit of personal stuff, and Wendy was awesome as always.
Lunch. A woman from Guinea Bissau talked to us, and oh my gosh it was maybe the highlight of the trip. Guinea Bissau is the third poorest country in the world, and the worst place to be a child (because of malnutrition) or a woman (because female genital mutilation is actually increasing is popularity). But HOLY COW, God is working there. She and her husband live with some African believers, and Muslims are coming to love Jesus all over the place. The African man they live with went to a hugely Muslim city, and saw a lame man on the side of the street who hadn't walked or felt his legs in four years. The believer said, "I have good news for you. The kingdom of God is here. Would you let me touch your legs so the power of Jesus can heal you?" The guy said okay, so the the believer touched him, and the guy stood up and flung his crutches away. He asked to know everything about this Jesus, and became a Christian, and immediately began telling the crowd that had gathered about what had happened.
And this is not even unusual for this missionary woman! OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH.
Please read that paragraph again. It blew my mind. I want to see that. I want to have the kind of faith that allows miracles to happen.
AAAAAHHHHHHH.
It's after midnight, can you tell? The emotion would be the same always, but I'm less eloquent after this little sleep.
Because after totally rocking my world, we had three hours of pampering during which I emptied and filled water basins for foot soaking, painted one woman's toes and another's fingers, and generally ran around doing menial tasks. Exhausting.
The evening session was brilliant, again, and then Wendy and I had our second and last small group meeting in the shallow end of the pool. At dinner I bonded with Melanie (have I mentioned that I genuinely love Melanie and Jessie, even though they are the Hands On girls who most obviously replaced me, having moved into my room and all? They are awesome) and Christina. Then we were back in the Koinaniansd something Cafe. I didn't help with jewelry this time. Instead I played Fishbowl with Kimberley and six new missionary friends. Awesome.
After my team won, Liz and Mallory brought over some Bible clue game. Eventually Wendy, Cheryl, Christina and Kim played with us, and it was just basically a big laugh fest as we screamed, "DAVID! DAVID! Jericho! Coins. Coins. Coins. Jesus? The son of Kish!"
So much fun. So much awesomeness. The women here are just so inspiring, and I think we've actually done a good job of encouraging and uplifting and pampering them. They sure have encouraged me.
I love it. I don't want to leave. I want to stay desperate for God. I'm scared to be desperate for God. I love mission trips and I never want them to end. I'm tired.
Anyway, I was looking forward to the retreat less than Fatick, and leaving Fatick on Friday was awful, because I already miss Travis and the kids. So I was in a bad mood, and I think part of it was spiritual warfare, albeit on a lamer scale than what most people were expecting (because this retreat has been bound up in horrible horrible things, which makes me think God is/will do awesome things through it!).
So after we got to the hotel (which is beautiful and fancy by African standards) and put together the gift bags, I took the Woodlanders to La Riviera and some shops! By myself! It was so fun to be the knowledgeable one, especially since that included haggling and hamburgers.
Then we got in the pool. Heaven.
Wendy and I are in charge of leading the high school girl's small group, which we did before our first main teaching session on Friday night. Every session, we start by singing at least ten songs. Yeah, it's intense, and my legs get tired. But it's AWESOME. Oh man, singing praises with 150 women who have given up everything to serve God is just incredible.
Oh, and I found out that more than 45 organizations are represented here. Of which the IMB is a very small percentage. Very cool!
The speaker is just awesome. She completely solidified my desire to be a missionary. I don't know how anyone can listen to her stories and not want the life she has, even though her stories involve car accidents and abductions and revolutions. But she loves God, and she was a missionary for 27 years before being stationed in the United States. This morning she said that one day in the States she was running on the treadmill when she realized that she was no longer desperate for God, at which point she got off and sobbed. That is what I keep trying to say, but can't. It's hard to be desperate for God when we have so much at our fingertips.
After the teaching session, we ate a feast, then put out jewelry for women to make earrings and bracelets. I befriended one missionary in particular, and we made some pretty awesome things. The crafting was too popular, though, because it was after midnight when we finally got everyone to leave.
We started today with a breakfast feast (where I bonded with one of my high school girls), and a workshop meeting. It's very weird to be a leader here, when I am 20-30 years younger than the other leaders. But that is okay!
The first session was brilliant. Then we broke for personal prayer time, which was also brilliant. Then I met with Wendy to pray for our first workshop, which went pretty well. We had four adults along with some high school girls, so there wasn't as much discussion as we anticipated. Still, I got to share a bit of personal stuff, and Wendy was awesome as always.
Lunch. A woman from Guinea Bissau talked to us, and oh my gosh it was maybe the highlight of the trip. Guinea Bissau is the third poorest country in the world, and the worst place to be a child (because of malnutrition) or a woman (because female genital mutilation is actually increasing is popularity). But HOLY COW, God is working there. She and her husband live with some African believers, and Muslims are coming to love Jesus all over the place. The African man they live with went to a hugely Muslim city, and saw a lame man on the side of the street who hadn't walked or felt his legs in four years. The believer said, "I have good news for you. The kingdom of God is here. Would you let me touch your legs so the power of Jesus can heal you?" The guy said okay, so the the believer touched him, and the guy stood up and flung his crutches away. He asked to know everything about this Jesus, and became a Christian, and immediately began telling the crowd that had gathered about what had happened.
And this is not even unusual for this missionary woman! OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH.
Please read that paragraph again. It blew my mind. I want to see that. I want to have the kind of faith that allows miracles to happen.
AAAAAHHHHHHH.
It's after midnight, can you tell? The emotion would be the same always, but I'm less eloquent after this little sleep.
Because after totally rocking my world, we had three hours of pampering during which I emptied and filled water basins for foot soaking, painted one woman's toes and another's fingers, and generally ran around doing menial tasks. Exhausting.
The evening session was brilliant, again, and then Wendy and I had our second and last small group meeting in the shallow end of the pool. At dinner I bonded with Melanie (have I mentioned that I genuinely love Melanie and Jessie, even though they are the Hands On girls who most obviously replaced me, having moved into my room and all? They are awesome) and Christina. Then we were back in the Koinaniansd something Cafe. I didn't help with jewelry this time. Instead I played Fishbowl with Kimberley and six new missionary friends. Awesome.
After my team won, Liz and Mallory brought over some Bible clue game. Eventually Wendy, Cheryl, Christina and Kim played with us, and it was just basically a big laugh fest as we screamed, "DAVID! DAVID! Jericho! Coins. Coins. Coins. Jesus? The son of Kish!"
So much fun. So much awesomeness. The women here are just so inspiring, and I think we've actually done a good job of encouraging and uplifting and pampering them. They sure have encouraged me.
I love it. I don't want to leave. I want to stay desperate for God. I'm scared to be desperate for God. I love mission trips and I never want them to end. I'm tired.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Midnight
Last night, Liz and I watched and/or listened to Darren Criss (better known as Harry Potter from the Very Potter Musical) sing "Teenage Dream" from Glee at least six times. That led to her telling me that her friend was looking for people to go to the midnight showing of Harry Potter next week. I exploded into a rant about how hard it's been to get people to want to go with me, which baffles me because, "Everything is always better at midnight. Stupid!"
Liz propelled herself to the other end of the bed and grabbed the sheet up around her face as she laughed maniacally. I had never seen anyone react so violently, but she gasped, "So true! It's so true!"
That's why I love Liz. She would go at midnight, if she weren't living in Africa.
Liz propelled herself to the other end of the bed and grabbed the sheet up around her face as she laughed maniacally. I had never seen anyone react so violently, but she gasped, "So true! It's so true!"
That's why I love Liz. She would go at midnight, if she weren't living in Africa.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Farewell Fatick
Today was potentially my last day ever in Fatick, Senegal. But maybe not, who knows?
In the morning Lamba and I helped Travis put up wires to hold mosquito nets in the hospital room. By help I mean we made sure he ate and drank, and also encouraged him.
In the afternoon Lamba took me to visit her friend. Mbagnik came with us, and walked down the street between us, holding our hands. I would count to three and then we would lift/jump him a few feet. When I stopped counting, Mbagnik started saying, "One, too, tree!" So cute! Have I mentioned?
I learned the gospel in French before this trip, but I kept missing opportunities to use it. Finally I just told Lamba, "I practiced my French! I know very little, but I figured one thing I should know is the story of Jesus, so you wanna hear it?" It was mostly pathetic, and it was definitely more of a blessing for me than for her.
I've realized the past few days that witnessing is really almost totally for our personal benefit. God does not need us to bring people to Him. He can save people or not on His own. But He wants us to know the honor of passing on His name, of glorifying Him. I'm not derailing God's plans when I fail to evangelize, but I'm messing up my own spiritual life, and ruining the chance to grow closer to God.
So anyway, that was very neat, and Wendy was also very neat when I hugged Lamba goodbye, possibly forever. She came up and just straight up said, "I do hope to see you in the United States someday, but more than that, I hope to see you in heaven. We won't have language problems there, and we can hang out forever! I will be there because I believe in Jesus, and I hope you will be too."
Guh. Why can I not be so direct about the things I believe? It was awesome.
So that's the end. Riding behind Liz on the moto from the Forsythe's house to ours was bittersweet. I will see Liz again, but never in Fatick. It's weird. But really, I think I will probably come back someday.
In the morning Lamba and I helped Travis put up wires to hold mosquito nets in the hospital room. By help I mean we made sure he ate and drank, and also encouraged him.
In the afternoon Lamba took me to visit her friend. Mbagnik came with us, and walked down the street between us, holding our hands. I would count to three and then we would lift/jump him a few feet. When I stopped counting, Mbagnik started saying, "One, too, tree!" So cute! Have I mentioned?
I learned the gospel in French before this trip, but I kept missing opportunities to use it. Finally I just told Lamba, "I practiced my French! I know very little, but I figured one thing I should know is the story of Jesus, so you wanna hear it?" It was mostly pathetic, and it was definitely more of a blessing for me than for her.
I've realized the past few days that witnessing is really almost totally for our personal benefit. God does not need us to bring people to Him. He can save people or not on His own. But He wants us to know the honor of passing on His name, of glorifying Him. I'm not derailing God's plans when I fail to evangelize, but I'm messing up my own spiritual life, and ruining the chance to grow closer to God.
So anyway, that was very neat, and Wendy was also very neat when I hugged Lamba goodbye, possibly forever. She came up and just straight up said, "I do hope to see you in the United States someday, but more than that, I hope to see you in heaven. We won't have language problems there, and we can hang out forever! I will be there because I believe in Jesus, and I hope you will be too."
Guh. Why can I not be so direct about the things I believe? It was awesome.
So that's the end. Riding behind Liz on the moto from the Forsythe's house to ours was bittersweet. I will see Liz again, but never in Fatick. It's weird. But really, I think I will probably come back someday.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Motos and Hospitals
Only one more day in Fatick. Then we go to Saly for the weekend retreat, and then the trip is over. While I could definitely stay here another 200 days, I also feel very peaceful about my life. I'm going back to Peoria. Someday I will live overseas again, but where is anyone's guess. The future is wide open, and I'm okay with that.
It's nice to hang out with single young women who are smiling at the future (that's a Bible reference I learned from Wendy). I miss hanging out with single girls. It's so fun to crush on actors/real people (which is confusingly melded in the person(s) of Jesse Eisenberg/Mark Zuckerberg) while also discussing how annoying it is to be told that marriage and childbirth are beautiful things when it is also beautiful to devote your life to God for a season or forever. It's nice to be with people who are in my boat.
We worked at the hospital again today. We're clearing out an area to be used for cooking, which involves shoveling and raking the sand to get out any rocks, then wheelbarrowing clean sand to pour over. It's ridiculous work that should have been finished quickly, but we kept getting worn out every five seconds. Still, it looks a lot better.
Nate and I had a lovely afternoon arguing, although Sally and Cheryl told us to stop several times. And I got to have some quality time with a lot of the Woodland ladies, and also I feel like I've rebonded with Travis. Cheryl and he and I were the only ones working at the hospital this afternoon (and mostly we just passed tools to Travis as he climbed ladders and did electrical work). Kim had dropped me off, so we were a bit at an impasse when quitting time came.
Turns out the three of us rode on a moto. Yeah, that's right! Three grown adults crammed onto a moto, putting down the Fatick streets. Every once in a while people on the sidewalks would die laughing at the crazy toubabs acting all Senegalese, and it was wonderful! Cheryl is ballin'. First time on a moto, and she did it big. I'm so proud of her.
Also, I love Liz. I wish she would move to Peoria. I wish she would read my blog and feel guilty and move to Peoria. Hey, Liz. Are you reading this? Move to Peoria!
It's nice to hang out with single young women who are smiling at the future (that's a Bible reference I learned from Wendy). I miss hanging out with single girls. It's so fun to crush on actors/real people (which is confusingly melded in the person(s) of Jesse Eisenberg/Mark Zuckerberg) while also discussing how annoying it is to be told that marriage and childbirth are beautiful things when it is also beautiful to devote your life to God for a season or forever. It's nice to be with people who are in my boat.
We worked at the hospital again today. We're clearing out an area to be used for cooking, which involves shoveling and raking the sand to get out any rocks, then wheelbarrowing clean sand to pour over. It's ridiculous work that should have been finished quickly, but we kept getting worn out every five seconds. Still, it looks a lot better.
Nate and I had a lovely afternoon arguing, although Sally and Cheryl told us to stop several times. And I got to have some quality time with a lot of the Woodland ladies, and also I feel like I've rebonded with Travis. Cheryl and he and I were the only ones working at the hospital this afternoon (and mostly we just passed tools to Travis as he climbed ladders and did electrical work). Kim had dropped me off, so we were a bit at an impasse when quitting time came.
Turns out the three of us rode on a moto. Yeah, that's right! Three grown adults crammed onto a moto, putting down the Fatick streets. Every once in a while people on the sidewalks would die laughing at the crazy toubabs acting all Senegalese, and it was wonderful! Cheryl is ballin'. First time on a moto, and she did it big. I'm so proud of her.
Also, I love Liz. I wish she would move to Peoria. I wish she would read my blog and feel guilty and move to Peoria. Hey, Liz. Are you reading this? Move to Peoria!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Social Networking
I feel like I'm more a part of the Fatick team than the Woodland team. Merely because I act like a Fatickian. After lunch, I sat around and ate brownies and drank coffee with Kim and the girls. Then I napped on the couch with Jessie. Only when I woke up with twenty minutes until our next job did I think to help Sally and Cheryl with the hospital curtains. Oops.
But I really like fitting in with them! Last night, Jessie burst in on Liz and me in bed. Melanie appeared in the doorway, and Jessie threw herself onto us in terror as Liz cried, "What if she'd been a real robber? You just incapacitated me!" Then later I remembered the incident and giggled myself into a laughing fit, at which point Liz pointed her iPod at my face to see my laughter, which only made me laugh more.
And today, Liz brought me home from the Forsythe's early in the evening so I could watch The Social Network with her roommates and Mallory. I have been desperately wanting to see this movie, but no one in Peoria wanted to (and I don't watch movies by myself because I like the talking about it almost as much as the watching it). I love having friends who share my brainwaves!
And let me tell you, the movie was awesome. "I'm 6'5", 220 pounds, and there are two of me!" "Wait, let me do the math....yeah, I got that too." So good. The dialogue was Gilmore Girls for geniuses. Mark Zuckerberg is fascinating. He understands people so well. Facebook is a truly fascinating phenomenon, and oh my gosh, how incredibly insane that there is a movie about a 26-year-old? Who became famous only years before? The digital age is intoxicating and frightening.
Also, we worked at the hospital in the morning and afternoon. Good work. Hard work. It's hot in Africa.
But I really like fitting in with them! Last night, Jessie burst in on Liz and me in bed. Melanie appeared in the doorway, and Jessie threw herself onto us in terror as Liz cried, "What if she'd been a real robber? You just incapacitated me!" Then later I remembered the incident and giggled myself into a laughing fit, at which point Liz pointed her iPod at my face to see my laughter, which only made me laugh more.
And today, Liz brought me home from the Forsythe's early in the evening so I could watch The Social Network with her roommates and Mallory. I have been desperately wanting to see this movie, but no one in Peoria wanted to (and I don't watch movies by myself because I like the talking about it almost as much as the watching it). I love having friends who share my brainwaves!
And let me tell you, the movie was awesome. "I'm 6'5", 220 pounds, and there are two of me!" "Wait, let me do the math....yeah, I got that too." So good. The dialogue was Gilmore Girls for geniuses. Mark Zuckerberg is fascinating. He understands people so well. Facebook is a truly fascinating phenomenon, and oh my gosh, how incredibly insane that there is a movie about a 26-year-old? Who became famous only years before? The digital age is intoxicating and frightening.
Also, we worked at the hospital in the morning and afternoon. Good work. Hard work. It's hot in Africa.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Not Much to Report
I had chicken yassa today. It was as good as I remembered, and I was nervous it wouldn't be.
I fell over on the Forsythe's couch and cuddled against a pillow. When I looked up, both Kim and Travis were smiling down at me like indulgent parents.
We did jewelry at Bigue's house, and Christina gave her testimony. Rocci really took a shine to Wendy, who is also Rocci, and who has a daughter her age.
Lamba learned to say, "This is an AB conversation, so C your way out."
Riding in transport with Travis is always fun, whether it's bouncing in the truck's backseat or stalling on a moto.
I very much enjoy dinner at the Forsythe's, but none of the Journeymen or Hands On girls are allowed, so I miss them. Around 9:00 I wandered to Kim and said nonchalantly, "Sooo...is Liz going to pick me up, or are you going to take me home?"
She answered, "Oh, Travis or I will take you home." And went back to talking.
"Oh. Oookay."
Then two minutes later Liz called Kim and told her to bring me home. Hahaha. We really are kindred spirits. As soon as I walked in the door, Liz said, "Jessie made ice cream! And we have to watch an episode of House! And I have two songs that you have to listen to, really loud on the TV!"
I love my housemate. It is unfortunate that she wants to live somewhere more awesome than Peoria.
I fell over on the Forsythe's couch and cuddled against a pillow. When I looked up, both Kim and Travis were smiling down at me like indulgent parents.
We did jewelry at Bigue's house, and Christina gave her testimony. Rocci really took a shine to Wendy, who is also Rocci, and who has a daughter her age.
Lamba learned to say, "This is an AB conversation, so C your way out."
Riding in transport with Travis is always fun, whether it's bouncing in the truck's backseat or stalling on a moto.
I very much enjoy dinner at the Forsythe's, but none of the Journeymen or Hands On girls are allowed, so I miss them. Around 9:00 I wandered to Kim and said nonchalantly, "Sooo...is Liz going to pick me up, or are you going to take me home?"
She answered, "Oh, Travis or I will take you home." And went back to talking.
"Oh. Oookay."
Then two minutes later Liz called Kim and told her to bring me home. Hahaha. We really are kindred spirits. As soon as I walked in the door, Liz said, "Jessie made ice cream! And we have to watch an episode of House! And I have two songs that you have to listen to, really loud on the TV!"
I love my housemate. It is unfortunate that she wants to live somewhere more awesome than Peoria.
Spiritual Stuff
I feel very much like the useless member of our team, because everyone else has skills and an interesting story of how God told them to come on this trip. In my case, it was Liz who told me to come on this trip.
But Liz and I talked about it, and I realized that I have a wannabe martyr's complex. I believe that all good things must somehow...feel bad. I have to cry and moan and complain before something awesome happens (like my first experience in Senegal). But you know what? That's stupid. I do very much believe, and now claim for myself, that God wants me to live a meaningful and adventurous life. He wants me to be happy, to live within His rules and to pursue holiness, but that the process is supposed to be a joyful one.
So being back in Senegal? It's awesome. It has been so rewarding for me already. I love talking to the new Hands On girls. Melanie encouraged me greatly, telling me that if it weren't for me starting the relationships with Bigue, Lamba, and Mame Codou, the new Hands On girls couldn't be doing such awesome work with them in the first place.
It's given me perspective, I guess. This is really helping me to see the whole "planting/watering/blossoming" process of evangelism. I started the process by beginning and developing relationships with those girls. I am not talented at sharing the gospel. I tried, but it was not a frequent thing. However, God is not hampered by my weakness--He brought other girls to Fatick who are passionate and eloquent and spiritually mature, and they are able to continue those relationships and water them with God's Word.
It's SO COOL.
And there's fruit beginning to show! So much is happening in Fatick. A young man accepted Jesus as his Lord at a Kid's Club. I'm pretty sure that's the first complete conversion that has taken place in Fatick the whole time the Forsythe's lived here. Lamba is having dreams of Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Another girl that Melanie works with had a dream in which she came upon a dead man near a stick. She was told in the dream that if she came there alone, she would die, but if she brought someone with her, she would pass through safely. WHAT? How is so much awesomeness happening?
It's just so encouraging to see God Himself working in Fatick. He really is invested in this place, and it looks like the time is coming when big spiritual changes will occur. Not only are there positive things happening here, but there are a ton of horrible things happening as well. Lots of people are dying in Fatick. A lot of missionaries to Fatick are experiencing kidnappings and diseases and deaths. God is moving here, and therefore Satan is moving, too. That is awesome, because it means he is scared.
Anyway, it's awesome here in Fatick. Big things are happening, and I'm so greatful that God let me be a part of the ongoing process of bringing this tribe and nation and people to Him. I might not have had the flashy part of the process, but that's okay, because I'm not a flashy person. But He used my weaknesses, and He grew me, and He blessed me by allowing me to do what little I can for Him.
God is good. God is great. And I kind of love Him a lot.
But Liz and I talked about it, and I realized that I have a wannabe martyr's complex. I believe that all good things must somehow...feel bad. I have to cry and moan and complain before something awesome happens (like my first experience in Senegal). But you know what? That's stupid. I do very much believe, and now claim for myself, that God wants me to live a meaningful and adventurous life. He wants me to be happy, to live within His rules and to pursue holiness, but that the process is supposed to be a joyful one.
So being back in Senegal? It's awesome. It has been so rewarding for me already. I love talking to the new Hands On girls. Melanie encouraged me greatly, telling me that if it weren't for me starting the relationships with Bigue, Lamba, and Mame Codou, the new Hands On girls couldn't be doing such awesome work with them in the first place.
It's given me perspective, I guess. This is really helping me to see the whole "planting/watering/blossoming" process of evangelism. I started the process by beginning and developing relationships with those girls. I am not talented at sharing the gospel. I tried, but it was not a frequent thing. However, God is not hampered by my weakness--He brought other girls to Fatick who are passionate and eloquent and spiritually mature, and they are able to continue those relationships and water them with God's Word.
It's SO COOL.
And there's fruit beginning to show! So much is happening in Fatick. A young man accepted Jesus as his Lord at a Kid's Club. I'm pretty sure that's the first complete conversion that has taken place in Fatick the whole time the Forsythe's lived here. Lamba is having dreams of Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Another girl that Melanie works with had a dream in which she came upon a dead man near a stick. She was told in the dream that if she came there alone, she would die, but if she brought someone with her, she would pass through safely. WHAT? How is so much awesomeness happening?
It's just so encouraging to see God Himself working in Fatick. He really is invested in this place, and it looks like the time is coming when big spiritual changes will occur. Not only are there positive things happening here, but there are a ton of horrible things happening as well. Lots of people are dying in Fatick. A lot of missionaries to Fatick are experiencing kidnappings and diseases and deaths. God is moving here, and therefore Satan is moving, too. That is awesome, because it means he is scared.
Anyway, it's awesome here in Fatick. Big things are happening, and I'm so greatful that God let me be a part of the ongoing process of bringing this tribe and nation and people to Him. I might not have had the flashy part of the process, but that's okay, because I'm not a flashy person. But He used my weaknesses, and He grew me, and He blessed me by allowing me to do what little I can for Him.
God is good. God is great. And I kind of love Him a lot.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Mighty to Save
1. It feels like nothing has changed. Although it is different to fight Liz for the sheet rather than have our own bedrooms, we immediately fell into a breakfast routine of coffee (with Sussli and Vitalait) and cappuccino muffins while reading our Bibles.
2. I got to ride the moto again. It took no time to feel comfortable rummaging around in my purse and taking pictures and not holding on. I love so much riding on the back of Liz's moto.
3. We had church at the Forsythe's. We read Scripture, sang a bunch of hymns, listened to Sally and Liz's testimonies, and took Communion. My favorite church services are the ones here. It's so intimate and personal and spontaneous. Like people gathering to worship the God they love, which is how it should be.
4. We skyped with Woodland. When Joel heard Cheryl's voice, he sounded so in love. Liz and I later confirmed that we both immediately thought of Slumdog Millionaire love, and we were jealous.
5. Jonathan, the 3-year-old boy who lost a finger to a motorcycle wheel, came over for Christina to change his bandages. His screams were heartbreaking, so I let Ethan take me to his room to play monopoly.
6. I fell asleep in the kid's room, and Travis woke me up to take me back to Liz's. (The Journeygirls and Hands On girls don't get to participate in our second meal.)
7. Liz and I walked to Bigue's house. Her sister just died, and I'm awful at dealing with death, but I think we distracted her a little and allowed her to have some fun.
8. Liz just acquired a cold, so she napped when we returned to our house, and Melanie and I had a nice talk. She is one of the new Hands On girls, and I really like her. Not even faking, or trying to like someone that I'm secretly jealous of....I genuinely like her.
9. Liz and I went to Mallory's house. She napped as I walked to the Forsythe's house to pick up the other Woodlanders. Mr. Lo arrived on a moto as I did on foot, so I got to say hi to him. Cheryl and I gave him the books that Bill sent us, and he was very grateful and slightly embarrassed at Bill's generosity.
10. Cheryl, Liz, and I walked to Mame Codou's house. It was so wonderful to talk to her and joke around. She and Lamba were probably my closest Senegalese friends. She's so sweet, and I so enjoyed getting to see Cheryl meet her. I like sharing my world with other people.
11. Wendy worked all day in the kitchen, and the payoff was fantastic. She made lasagna and Avantis bread for dinner with peach cobbler for dessert. So delicious. I might have had four pieces of bread.
12. Melanie and Breanna and Kim were into the idea of HOPE, so we taught them Mighty To Save. Man, those songs have so much more meaning in a city filled with people who need to be mightily saved. Cheryl gathered us all together to pray afterward, which made me so happy she is here. I am seriously the weak link in our group. Everyone else is so awesome, and I'm so glad I get to work with them and see their passion.
2. I got to ride the moto again. It took no time to feel comfortable rummaging around in my purse and taking pictures and not holding on. I love so much riding on the back of Liz's moto.
3. We had church at the Forsythe's. We read Scripture, sang a bunch of hymns, listened to Sally and Liz's testimonies, and took Communion. My favorite church services are the ones here. It's so intimate and personal and spontaneous. Like people gathering to worship the God they love, which is how it should be.
4. We skyped with Woodland. When Joel heard Cheryl's voice, he sounded so in love. Liz and I later confirmed that we both immediately thought of Slumdog Millionaire love, and we were jealous.
5. Jonathan, the 3-year-old boy who lost a finger to a motorcycle wheel, came over for Christina to change his bandages. His screams were heartbreaking, so I let Ethan take me to his room to play monopoly.
6. I fell asleep in the kid's room, and Travis woke me up to take me back to Liz's. (The Journeygirls and Hands On girls don't get to participate in our second meal.)
7. Liz and I walked to Bigue's house. Her sister just died, and I'm awful at dealing with death, but I think we distracted her a little and allowed her to have some fun.
8. Liz just acquired a cold, so she napped when we returned to our house, and Melanie and I had a nice talk. She is one of the new Hands On girls, and I really like her. Not even faking, or trying to like someone that I'm secretly jealous of....I genuinely like her.
9. Liz and I went to Mallory's house. She napped as I walked to the Forsythe's house to pick up the other Woodlanders. Mr. Lo arrived on a moto as I did on foot, so I got to say hi to him. Cheryl and I gave him the books that Bill sent us, and he was very grateful and slightly embarrassed at Bill's generosity.
10. Cheryl, Liz, and I walked to Mame Codou's house. It was so wonderful to talk to her and joke around. She and Lamba were probably my closest Senegalese friends. She's so sweet, and I so enjoyed getting to see Cheryl meet her. I like sharing my world with other people.
11. Wendy worked all day in the kitchen, and the payoff was fantastic. She made lasagna and Avantis bread for dinner with peach cobbler for dessert. So delicious. I might have had four pieces of bread.
12. Melanie and Breanna and Kim were into the idea of HOPE, so we taught them Mighty To Save. Man, those songs have so much more meaning in a city filled with people who need to be mightily saved. Cheryl gathered us all together to pray afterward, which made me so happy she is here. I am seriously the weak link in our group. Everyone else is so awesome, and I'm so glad I get to work with them and see their passion.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Awesomeness
I got to see Mbagnik today! I was hanging out with Mallory and the kids in an igloo (the sheet was clipped over a fan, and it was wonderful) when Ethan asked if I wanted to see him. I said yes, so he fetched him from the Cisse household. At first he was being all coy and wouldn't even come inside the gate, but I picked him up and carried him to the living room, where I threw him on the couch. After some abuse, he said something in French. Ethan translated that he said he didn't want me to leave again. AAAAGGGHHH. I love this kid.
Most of us Woodlanders went to Madame Ndours house for our first jewelry excursion. Liz and Lamba came along as translators. I love Lamba. I taught her to say "See you later, alligator--after while, crocodile!" The Ndours were chaotic and lovely. Ten women, along with twice as many children and grandchildren, gathered outside to learn to make earrings. Some of them did very well, and some pretty much wanted us to make the earrings for them.
Sally gave her testimony, and it was true and great, but because we planned for it in mid-jewlery making session, people were not paying close attention. We plan to fix that in upcoming sessions. However, a few women really listened, and asked questions, and said they would pray for her. My request is that all of you would pray for them--that the words of peace and assurance that she spoke to them would be another piece of kindling that God will one day set on fire.
Speaking of actual missionary things, I really want Lamba to be a Christian. It's going to happen, I am positive. She translates spiritual discussions for the Hands On girls regularly, as she did today. She hangs out with Christians often. And best of all, what shows me that God is working in her life is this: a few days ago she had a dream in which she was on top of a mountain with Jesus and the Holy Spirit.
!!!
I thought those sorts of things only happened in books and stories of people I would never meet. But Lamba is dreaming about the true God, and I want so badly for her to realize Jesus' awesomeness, and soon! So please pray that God continues to work in her heart, that she would be open to His truth, and that I would lay more kindling on her heart.
This trip is awesome. I love the Forsythes. I love my housemate (we danced to the credits of Slumdog Millionaire twice). I love going to market. I love the Woodland team. I love the new Hands On girls. I love the new Journeygirl. I love my Senegalese friends. I love being back here.
Most of us Woodlanders went to Madame Ndours house for our first jewelry excursion. Liz and Lamba came along as translators. I love Lamba. I taught her to say "See you later, alligator--after while, crocodile!" The Ndours were chaotic and lovely. Ten women, along with twice as many children and grandchildren, gathered outside to learn to make earrings. Some of them did very well, and some pretty much wanted us to make the earrings for them.
Sally gave her testimony, and it was true and great, but because we planned for it in mid-jewlery making session, people were not paying close attention. We plan to fix that in upcoming sessions. However, a few women really listened, and asked questions, and said they would pray for her. My request is that all of you would pray for them--that the words of peace and assurance that she spoke to them would be another piece of kindling that God will one day set on fire.
Speaking of actual missionary things, I really want Lamba to be a Christian. It's going to happen, I am positive. She translates spiritual discussions for the Hands On girls regularly, as she did today. She hangs out with Christians often. And best of all, what shows me that God is working in her life is this: a few days ago she had a dream in which she was on top of a mountain with Jesus and the Holy Spirit.
!!!
I thought those sorts of things only happened in books and stories of people I would never meet. But Lamba is dreaming about the true God, and I want so badly for her to realize Jesus' awesomeness, and soon! So please pray that God continues to work in her heart, that she would be open to His truth, and that I would lay more kindling on her heart.
This trip is awesome. I love the Forsythes. I love my housemate (we danced to the credits of Slumdog Millionaire twice). I love going to market. I love the Woodland team. I love the new Hands On girls. I love the new Journeygirl. I love my Senegalese friends. I love being back here.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Finding Focus in Senegal
I'm back! It has been a long couple days of traveling, but the time definitely goes faster with a team than alone. The flights were all fine, and although we had an almost-mistake with luggage, everything came through!
It has been so incredibly awesomely wonderful to get to see everyone again. Liz and Kim picked us up at the airport and took us to a hotel room to shower and doze. Except we didn't doze, because they were so hilarious and random, and I'm so glad they are exactly the way I remember them, even down to Kim's cheesy motherliness. (As she watched Liz and I exclaim over the awesomeness of Hunger Games, she cooed, "It's like seeing my children back together!")
Dakar is the same. Fatick is the same. I remember everything, and it feels like only weeks since I left. Even though there are five new girls running around, I still feel very much at home in Liz's house (although my room has been turned into Melanie's and Jessie's) and at the Forsythe's. Baby Ethan put on clean clothes and parted his hair to sit on the trampoline and wait for me. HOW CUTE. And Melody looked absolutely stunning in her short hair and an adorable little sundress. And Nate was snarky and sarcastic, but he asked for a second hug.
I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy here. I love the slow lifestyle--during one taxi through Dakar, Christina asked, "Why are they just sitting on the curb?" to which Liz and I had no answer. Later when the two of us were waiting for Ibrahima to pick us up in his set plass to take us to Fatick, I pointed out that we'd been sitting silently on the curb for an hour, simply enduring the heat.)
On the flight here, I was seated next to a missionary who lives near Fatick and who knows the Forsythes. It was so incredibly uplifting to talk to him about my family, my history with missions, and my thoughts of where God is leading me. He shared his story and encouraged me, and it was just such a clear, peaceful feeling of "yes, this is right." I don't know why everyone doesn't want to be missionaries. It's when we get out of our comfort zones and allow ourselves to need God that He comes through in awesome and meaningful ways.
I've only been here one day, and I don't want to leave. Melody and I wished on a star this evening while lying on the trampoline, and I wished that I could stay in Fatick. She said she had wished something about me, but wouldn't say what so that it would come true.
Everything feels better here. No worries about boys or romance. No false security in jobs or status or money. Life is harder here, and more real. The people here are larger than life, and passionate about God, and determined to see Him work in their lives.
It's awesome.
It has been so incredibly awesomely wonderful to get to see everyone again. Liz and Kim picked us up at the airport and took us to a hotel room to shower and doze. Except we didn't doze, because they were so hilarious and random, and I'm so glad they are exactly the way I remember them, even down to Kim's cheesy motherliness. (As she watched Liz and I exclaim over the awesomeness of Hunger Games, she cooed, "It's like seeing my children back together!")
Dakar is the same. Fatick is the same. I remember everything, and it feels like only weeks since I left. Even though there are five new girls running around, I still feel very much at home in Liz's house (although my room has been turned into Melanie's and Jessie's) and at the Forsythe's. Baby Ethan put on clean clothes and parted his hair to sit on the trampoline and wait for me. HOW CUTE. And Melody looked absolutely stunning in her short hair and an adorable little sundress. And Nate was snarky and sarcastic, but he asked for a second hug.
I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy here. I love the slow lifestyle--during one taxi through Dakar, Christina asked, "Why are they just sitting on the curb?" to which Liz and I had no answer. Later when the two of us were waiting for Ibrahima to pick us up in his set plass to take us to Fatick, I pointed out that we'd been sitting silently on the curb for an hour, simply enduring the heat.)
On the flight here, I was seated next to a missionary who lives near Fatick and who knows the Forsythes. It was so incredibly uplifting to talk to him about my family, my history with missions, and my thoughts of where God is leading me. He shared his story and encouraged me, and it was just such a clear, peaceful feeling of "yes, this is right." I don't know why everyone doesn't want to be missionaries. It's when we get out of our comfort zones and allow ourselves to need God that He comes through in awesome and meaningful ways.
I've only been here one day, and I don't want to leave. Melody and I wished on a star this evening while lying on the trampoline, and I wished that I could stay in Fatick. She said she had wished something about me, but wouldn't say what so that it would come true.
Everything feels better here. No worries about boys or romance. No false security in jobs or status or money. Life is harder here, and more real. The people here are larger than life, and passionate about God, and determined to see Him work in their lives.
It's awesome.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Giving Up Everything for Love
A childhood friend of mine, Rebekah Warner, is about to leave for three years missionary work through an organization that intentionally sends their workers into the poorest places in the world. If you have any desire to help support her, let me know and I'll send you the link to donate.
It got me thinking, maybe the reason we love romance stories where two people leave everything behind--money, family, status--in order to be together....maybe we love those stories because that is the kind of romance that Jesus calls us into.
Donald Miller once said that Romeo and Juliet is a very spiritual play, and I didn't really believe him until just now.
It got me thinking, maybe the reason we love romance stories where two people leave everything behind--money, family, status--in order to be together....maybe we love those stories because that is the kind of romance that Jesus calls us into.
Donald Miller once said that Romeo and Juliet is a very spiritual play, and I didn't really believe him until just now.
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