Breaking News: Honesty is Awesome

I've long been a proponent of honesty, but somehow, I am still shocked by how lovely it really is in practice.

There's this girl at DTS who I have slowly become friends with.  And by friends, I mean we mock each other's Type A Academia and rant about humanism.  Until today, when we greeted each other in the few minutes before class started, and she said,

Her:  Would you like to be friends outside of class?
Me:  Yes!  I would!
Her:  Good, because what else would you say? 
Me:  No, I am totally satisfied with the relationship we currently have, the one in which we barely see each other.  This is good.
Her:  ...
Me:  I COULD have said that.  But no, I totally want to be your friend outside of class!

It's like, actually really nice to affirm feelings.  See, it's bombshells like these that make me such an insightful person.  Honestly, all of psychology is just this: putting labels on commonsense emotions and practices and describing things that people do every day.  And yet, somehow acknowledging and studying these simple truths makes them SO HUGE.

If you want to be someone's friend, ask to be their friend.  If you are already someone's friend and enjoy their company, tell them you are glad they are their friend!

Man, I am going to be the BEST counselor.  Just call me Captain Obvious.

This Blog Is Unnecessary

Here's a problem.  What if you are having so many fantastically deep conversations in real life, it doesn't feel necessary to write a blog post about anything?  It's almost as if, WHAT, there are real life people who are interested in my crazy and are eager to respond with enlightening perspectives.

I'm going to miss Liz when she moves out. 

...Perhaps I should begin a kidnapping scenario...

Loving Until It Hurts and Not Turning Cynical

I was just having a conversation with Liz about how my continual running up against not-love has made me bitter and jaded.  Then I burst out laughing, because I was freaking lying.  The love story of my life is that I like someone and they don't like me back.  After twenty-five years of that crap, I thought I ought to be bitter and jaded, so I said I was.  But that isn't true.  All it takes is the fluttering beginnings of a new crush, and I am right back to gasping adoration and painfully hoping for a future.  My heart never seems to learn.  And I guess that's a good thing?  To hope, I mean.  That is the Christian story, that darkness leads to light, that death leads to life.  We are a people built on hope fulfilled and hope not yet accomplished.  So, it's good that I keep hoping for love.  But at the same time, it suuuucks.  And then I found a poem!

a tale about one single person

i wish this was the story of how i became bitter
cold-hearted
or evil

instead
it's the story of how i cared so much that it hurt
it hurt
it still does

(r.d.)

Since I'm also currently writing a paper on my Myers-Briggs personality type (INFJ), I can psychologically conclude that I am a classic F--I feel deeply and widely, and I am the absolute worst at turning off my emotions.  So I'll just have to keep living with this, I guess!

Extending Grace to Christians

It seems like the more I learn to show grace to one person, the less I show to someone else.  I don't know if this means I have a limited amount of grace to give, or else that I am very good at convincing myself I am maturing when really I am shifting around my self-effort.

I've been feeling convicted lately about my attitude toward the church.  I find it quite comfortable to defend non-Christians and understand flaws and forgive insults.  But fellow followers of Christ?  I hold them to a crazy high standard!  They have to be perfect (by which I really mean, think and act exactly like me).

Why is this?  Honestly, I think it's self-consciousness.  I am ashamed of how people act in the name of Christ, whether it's obviously hateful propaganda or subtler rule-following.  I've got very specific opinions, and I want everyone to know that I'm not like "those other guys."  So when I talk to my employers, inevitably I explain how I'm not like other Christians.  Rarely do I talk about how I AM like other Christians, in that we are all stumbling after a perfect God-man who promises us abundant life if we will trust in Him to save us and sanctify us.

I'm scared of being lumped into a group with people I don't 100% agree with, because what if people judge me?  What if people think badly of me?  I'm so frail when it comes to public opinion, and even frailer when I'm getting charged with something I didn't do.  I so often throw my sisters and brothers under the bus so that I will look good.

And that's ridiculous.  I've learned to show grace to myself, to realize that God is in a lifelong process of changing me, and that I will never have things 100% nailed down, understood, and lived out.  I'm okay with that, because I'm a finite human.  But you know who else are finite humans?  Everyone.  I want to learn to show grace to those people who follow Jesus a little differently than me, or are passionate about something I don't understand, or who mock something I'm passionate about.  We are all pursuing God, and He can work in us however, and whenever, He chooses.  I need to be okay with that, and trust Him, and pour out grace.

As Augustine is attributed as saying, "The church is a whore, but she is my mother."  The universal church has done some pretty horrific things in the past, and is doing some pretty horrific things in the present.  We are not perfect in our imitation of Christ, but we are family, and I ought to stand united with my brothers and sisters.  So I'm going to try to work alongside God as He melts my heart of stone.

Movies, I Want Them

Alright, fandom flails.  I can't help it.

May is going to be the freaking best month of movies in a long time. 

Iron Man 3, in which Robert Downey Jr. apparently fought for Pepper to have a larger roll, and she's going to put on the suit and save him from a collapsing ceiling, and I'm so down for that.

Star Trek Into Darkness, in which my favorite emotionless actor runs around with a bunch of awesome people and...I don't know, it looks dramatic, and I loved the first one, so.  I'll be there.

AND The Great Gatsby, which I have been eagerly anticipating since Illinois, all the more so after I dressed up 1920s style for my first Dallas party.  I want to dress up again, and be fancy while watching Fitzgerald's beautiful story merge with Luhrmann's insane direction.  I'm going to emotionally vomit all over everything, this timeless story of desperately pursuing things that never satisfy, and it's going to be the best thing my eyeballs take in.

Hurry up hurry up hurry up.

Sexual Submission

If you think a virgin ranting about what she thinks sex ought to be about is ridiculous, then you probably won't like this post.  Also, if you didn't notice, I said sex. This is going to be about sex, and I'm going to use sexual terms and sexual ideas, so don't read it if you don't want to read it.

One of my friends is making her way toward engagement, which led to a horrifying conversation with her mother about marital sex.  It's all about submission, her mom said.  Even if that means having sex soon after giving birth, when your vagina has been recently ripped apart and it freaking hurts to have anything inside you. But sex isn't about your pleasure, woman, it's about making your husband happy. Completely in line with that reasoning was the next piece of advice: women don't need to orgasm. Its unimportant.

All of this makes me very sad, because I have this idea that sex is supposed to be beautiful and awesome, and well-meaning advice from Christians makes it sound awful.  I mean, I learned in rape prevention that it isn't enough for your partner to simply NOT say no. You should wait until your partner is enthusiastically saying yes!  And that's rape prevention.  Shouldn't sex in marriage have an equally, if not higher, ideal?

With that stated, let me affirm that I am all for sexual submission.  Whenever I get married I plan to do whatever I can to please my husband.  There ought to be joy in making someone you love feel good.  And....there ought to be joy for the husband in making his wife feel good, right?  I'm sorry, but I just have no respect for a man who says, honey, I know you recently pushed an eight-pound child through your vagina, but I'm feeling horny, so we're going to have sex even if it hurts you.  That's ridiculous. Shouldn't the husband submit in love to his wife and take her feelings into consideration?

As for women not needing orgasms, I'm equally appalled. One of my favorite realizations was that God created women with an organ whose only purpose is sexual pleasure.  To me, the clitoris is the greatest evidence that God wants both men and women to enjoy sex. And doesn't that just make sense? Isn't marriage, isn't sex, supposed to be mutually beneficial and mutually selfless? If a woman submits to her husband and desires his pleasure above her own, and if a husband submits to his wife and desires her pleasure above his own, doesn't that make everyone a winner?

I have an extremely high opinion of sex, one which I think is based in the truth of Scripture and the truth of science.  As such, I am pro-orgasms-for-everyone and anti-sex-when-it-hurts. 

Humanism

I'm an optimist.  I like to see the best in situations and people. I don't understand the appeal of nitpicking or mocking, although obviously I do both. It's just that afterwards, I think, what was the point in that?

My optimism is why I find humanism so intriguing. Humanists think that people are inherently good, and that if left to their own devices without external negative influences, people will strive for self-betterment. I see the truth of this in my own life and in my interactions with friends and the kids I nanny.

Now hear me out.  I believe in sin.  I believe that we are all in need of a savior, because we consistently turn to rebellion and selfishness when we ought to faithfully trust in God.  I see that truth in my life as well.

Can't both those truths live together? Why do most evangelicals focus on the sinfulness of humanity without acknowledging our beauty? I felt a bit out of sorts when no one seemed to agree with me, but then Lindsay said, "I'm writing a paper on the Scriptural basis of humanism," and Steve said, "Try reading Psalm 8."  It's nice to know I'm not alone.

I think people were created good, and then we were stained with sin, and now we are good and stained with sin.  It's simple and complex, just the way I like it.

The Triune God and Marriage

I just started reading an article for my Trinitarianism class that discusses what the Trinity teaches us about marriage.  It had complementarianism in the title, so my hackles rose, and I prepared myself to dislike everything.  But the premise is this:  the triune God is God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.  They are unified, equal in authority, while at the same time being distinct Persons with specific roles and functions.

And...I have no problem with that?  Ah, the pride of saying I have no problem with who God is.  But what I mean is, I have no problem with that in marriage.  That's the beauty of the relationship: two people united together, working together, each supplying their own gifts and talents and quirks.

My problem, I guess, is when society decides what those unique roles are.  The husband must make more money, the wife must cook and clean and raise kids.  Bull crap.  Why can't each one bring their jobs to the financial table?  Why can't each one participate in the monotony of daily living?  And definitely, shouldn't each one equally participate in raising their offspring?  Takes two to make a kid, ought to take two to raise them.

What about women as an ezer kenegdo?  Hell yeah, I'll be the strong helper (assuming that's the translation, since it has also been translated "helpmeet" or simply "strength", which assumes equality, but I'm going for a middle ground translation, so...)  The term is often used of God protecting Israel, which is kind of a big deal, I think.  If God is described some way, I also want to be described in that way.  I am down with being an ezer kenegdo.  I will happily support my spouse, my kids, my friends, my church family.  I want to build people up and encourage and defend.  Why would you marry someone if you didn't love their outlook on life, their dreams and their goals?  Whenever I get married, I will support my husband, whether that be financially, emotionally, spiritually, physically, whateverly.  I hope he'll do the same for me.  Because we are equal in unity and authority, but unique in roles.

I love when God shows me Himself and makes me want to be more like Him.

It's Easier to Fit In When You Have Kids

I know none of my neighbors.  But I know most of people who live on the street where I nanny.  I've been in their homes asking for Girl Scout cookie purchases, I've used their bathrooms, I've petted their dogs, I've chatted with parents, I've sent off my kids to play with theirs.  I've also become friendly with the people who work at after school care, and I've had lovely conversations with the moms of Anju and Ketan's friends.  I text them and set up plans and use emoticons.  I'm on a first name basis with piano teachers and Kumon instructors.  I'm part of this little society, where I fit into Dallas and have this life where I'm in charge of kids and have things in common with adults and parents.

It's very weird, especially when I go from that to my anonymous neighborhood.