Sympathizing with a Villain

If any of you are tired of me talking about The Avengers, you might want to find another blog to follow for the next forever. This movie is stuck in my head. Specifically, Loki.

I see him as very much driven by the sense of never feeling good enough. Growing up, Thor was the (literal) golden boy. He was stronger and first in line to be king. Loki's skills are in speaking and manipulation. Not exactly door busters. He says he always felt like he lived in Thor's shadow, and I don't even care if that's true or not. What matters is that he thinks it was. He constantly feels like he's not good enough.

And here is where I find Loki so fascinating. I am just like him. I never feel good enough. My jokes aren't as funny as so-and-so's, my intelligence is not up to that person's, and don't even get me started on my athleticism. It's hard to be good at things but never really great, or to have skills that no one values. I sympathize with Loki.

There are two reactions you can have to this mentality. You can live with it, be content in whatever level of skill and adulation you have, and learn to cheer on others who are better than you. Or you can flip a switch inside and tell yourself that it doesn't even matter--there's no need to play by the rules, why not just do things your way and not care what anyone thinks? That's Loki's way, and if I'm honest, I am often so close to flipping that switch myself. "You aren't satisfied with who I am? Then I'll just go off the deep end and show you what I'm capable of!"

It's an extremely petty and selfish reaction. That's what I love about The Avengers. The villain isn't someone emotionlessly evil. The villain is a hurt younger brother who is sick and tired of his "family" not appreciating him, so he's off to coerce a world into loving him. Oh man. On my worst days, I would so do the same.

Loki, I feel you. Can I borrow your brainwashing scepter?

Traveling Tunes

I started off my seven-hour ride to Jackson singing through my "Love Hurts" playlist. Perhaps unsurprisingly, it put me into a funk. I would occasionally shoot hateful glares at my iPod for saying emotionally insightful things that made me feel bad. But then "Gollum's Song" from The Two Towers came on, and I nearly wrecked the car scrabbling to click forward to the next song.

There are depressing songs, and then there's "Gollum's Song." You don't get out of that emotional abyss for at least a week.

Despite a nice interlude getting lunch, where I walked past a guy wearing a Captain America t-shirt and involuntarily complimented him on it (The Avengers is making me kind to strangers! Miracle movie!), I was getting worried that I would show up at the Hughes's house a sobbing wreck, whining about my lack of a love life.

All that changed when I switched to my "Instrumental" playlist. It's got songs from Pirates of the Caribbean, old band songs, Moulin Rouge, The Royal Tennenbaums, and other awesome music without lyrics. I used to adore soundtracks, but I haven't listened to any instrumental music in probably years. The combination of nostalgia and genuine amazeballs music had me grinning like an idiot.

I was particularly terrifying when Jack's theme from PotC 2 came on. I sang along with the notes, flailed my arms in the air and dramatically punched my thigh like some kind of demented, masochistic conductor. It was wonderful. That playlist ended right as I pulled into the Hughes's neighborhood. Perfection! The power of words destroyed me, and then the power of music built me back up into a furiously happy person. I'm going to need to get back into soundtracks, I think.

Other Turkish Stories

• Once when Stephanie and I were walking across a bridge to get to our bus stop, a bird pooped on my wrist.  If I hadn't been gesturing so widely, it probably wouldn't have hit.  Stephanie burst out laughing, then pretended to be sympathetic, but she kept giggling while I kleenexed it away.

• Turns out I like Turkish cherries, even though American cherries make me cringe.  Tulay grabbed a few to try at a street bazaar (you can do that), and I ate both mine and Stephanie's, since she doesn't like them.  My teeth cracked on the pit, which I forgot existed, and I spit them both in my hands.  I walked a couple blocks with spitty pits in my palm, unsure whether or not I could drop them to the ground.  I was pretty sure it was acceptable, but in case I was wrong, I wanted to be as surrepticious as possible.  In the end, I just leaned toward another fruit stall and let them fall to the ground.  No one arrested me.

• After The Avengers, Bir Kan (which means One Blood in Turkish, and is probably the most epic name ever) told me about a protest he'd seen put down in March.  On Women's Day, he said.  Did we celebrate Women's Day in America?  Stephanie and I said no, but then I realized!  I had just discovered that March 8 is National Women's Day this year, and I made up a library book display of awesome ladies.  But celebrate, no not really.  Bir Kan thought that was a bit sad.

• The newest James Bond movie had been filming in Istanbul.  When Stephanie and I went to the Spice Bazaar, there was a big section of newly created food stalls fenced off.  Loads of people, including ourselves, gathered around to stare through the chain-linked wall that separated us from movie glory.  Except the filming area was completely empty.  We were staring at nothing.  The rest of the time I was in Istanbul, I half believed James Bond (not Daniel Craig, like a normal person) would swoop by running for his life.  Sadly, that never happened.

• Vonda came into the bathroom one morning while Stephanie and I were getting ready.  She looked at the sink and sucked in a breath of disgust. 

     "Did you guys know that was in there?" she gasped. 

     We looked too, and saw a big beetle of a bug dead in the drain of our sink. 

     "...Ew, that's gross!" Stephanie contributed. 

     "I thought it was a clump of hair," I explained. 

     We continued getting ready.  Vonda sighed in disgust and fished the bug out with a wad of toilet paper. 

     "Yay!" we cheered.  "You're our hero!"

Betrayed

I get a lot of spam comments on my wordpress blog, and the sad thing is, they are incredibly complimentary and encouraging.  Stupid kind robots, falsely building me up. 

Hating on Love

Here is what I don't like about love:  It's so time-consuming!  Ugh!  When I like someone, I think about them all the frakking time (fake cuss word brought to you by Battlestar Galactica!).  It's super annoying.  I can't get work done because I want to see if they've posted in Twitter or Facebook or whatever.  I think about the funny thing they said, or ruminate on something wise they mentioned.

Love is very uncontrollable, and I hate that.  I don't like to be swept off my feet.  Not really.  The idea is romantic and all, but long term, that is annoying! 

Also, I'm totally talking about being distracted by my celebrity crush, mentioned in the post below.  Yup.  All these feelings for someone I will likely never meet.

Which is bad, but I suggest that it is even worse to be infatuated with someone in real life.  How many times have I texted a person I'm crushing on, then immediately thought, "Oh my gosh why would I send that, it's completely stupid!"  A lot of times.  I fake interests in things I don't care about.  I go to events I would rather avoid. 

Love makes me less me.  And that's annoying.

(I hope you all know me well enough by now to realize I am semi-kidding.  I love love and all the ridiculousness that comes along with it.  But let's be honest.  Love is terribly inconvenient.)

Swimfan

Welp.  I'm swimfanning pretty hard.  I haven't been so head-over-heels in love with an actor for years.  In fact, I think the last time it was this bad was in 2008, when I was so infatuated with James McAvoy that I went to see Wanted, despite Wanted being everything I dislike in action movies (dark, cynical, and gleefully violent).

Running alongside my deep love for The Avengers (excellent reviews about Joss as director and about the spirit of optimism in the film) is my total and overwhelming adoration of Tom Hiddleston, who plays Loki in the film.  I already talked about how much I like Loki, both for his joie de vivre (shades of Sawyer from LOST) and his pathetic villainy that he cannot give up even when he wants to (shades of Draco from Harry Potter).  Director Joss Whedon told Hiddleston, when playing Loki, to be more feral and to have more fun.  These are things I like to see in my fictional bad guys.

But that's Loki.  I'm really in love with Tom Hiddleston.  Superficially, he is one of the most attractive men I've ever seen.

Evidence.

A few years ago, I upgraded my celebrity swooning from simple attractiveness to actual theatrical skills.  Now I've upgraded again.  Hiddleston has talent in spades.  What he also has is a delightful sense of humor and thoughtful intelligence.

Yup.  I've been watching hours of Tom Hiddleston interviews on YouTube.  I actually had to force myself to take a day off the internet because it was getting so consuming.  The man is addictive!  He's interested in the psychology of his characters, he throws big words into conversations without seeming condescending, he's wonderfully humble and grateful toward his interviewers and fans.

I can't get enough of him.  I've put the movie Deep Blue Sea on hold, solely because it is his only other recent movie that isn't centered around a horse.  I also checked out The Great Gatsby to reread, because he played F. Scott Fitzgerald in Midnight in Paris, and my addled brain thinks that means he wrote the book himself.  I bumped up my Norse mythology book to the top of my reading list, because of his insights into Loki's character and the interrelationships among the Norse gods.  He's also got me interested in Shakespeare, since he quotes him on Twitter and performs in several of his plays.

As much as my celebrity crushing is indicative of my inherent immaturity, I'm like to think of this as a higher form of immaturity.  Sure, Hiddleston is ridiculously handsome.  But it is his intelligence and charisma that attracts me just as much.  Instead of wanting to tape pictures of him to my wall, my infatuation with him is inspiring me to dig into literature and mythology.

I like to think that this is a womanly crush, rather than a girly one.  I'm growing.  A little.  Very slowly.  But let's be real, I'll never stop obsessing over things (or people) that I like.

Living in Dallas

I have a house!

Liz has been awesome, as usual.  She's been networking like crazy to find a place for us to live in Dallas.  This past week, success!  The two of us will be moving into upstairs bedrooms of a house with two other girls living on the first floor.  This seems pretty ideal to me.  If the other girls are awesome, we will all party together.  If they aren't, Liz and I can have our own upstairs partytimes.

But this means...I have a house.  This moving thing is for real.  On top of the house revelation, at church yesterday I found out three of my college friends are leaving within the week for summer jobs, and they won't be back until after I'm already in Texas.  Goodbyes are already encroaching.

There will be a lot of sadness in this move, but....the happiness is more, I think.  I've reached a point where I am very definitely ready to move on.  I love my church family and my Peoria friends, but I realize that there aren't very many ways for me to grow any further if I stay in Peoria.  My relationships and my life have gotten kind of stagnant.  Everyone else is moving forward with their lives, and I'm standing still.

Well, no longer.  I'm off to a new state to learn a new skill with a whole bunch of new people.  That should be enough to overwhelm me with growth.  But I trust that God brought me to this decision and that He will be with me through the changes.  Finally I get it.  God has good things planned for my life--I just have to go along with Him.

Doctor Who S2E01 "New Earth"

In my last Doctor Who blog review, I mentioned that season 2 is the honeymoon of Doctor/Rose.  Um, that is never more evident than this episode, where they literally chillax on the Doctor's coat, gleefully gazing at the sky and each other.

I really like this episode.  It's nice to see both of them so happy!  There is a lot of drama in the Whoverse, which makes sense because happy TV is often boring TV.  But sometimes I need to know that my beloved characters have some fun.



Of course, there has to be some plot.  And I like it too--the return of Cassandra!  I never knew I wanted more of her until we were given it.  Having her consciouness jump from various characters adds to the fun of the episode, and allows Billie Piper and David Tennant to show off their acting chops.  Cassandra!Rose kissing the Doctor, and his dazed reaction, is adorable.  Cassandra!Doctor reacting to having two hearts ("I'm beating out a samba!") is hilarious.

And like ships ship, of course they are incredibly protective of each other whenever their best friend is hijacked by a selfish villain.  But I don't even care because it's all so hilarious.

This episode is set up very obviously as a counterpoint to season 1's "The End of the World."  We've got the same villain.  But whereas last time we saw the end of Earth, this time we're at the reconstruction of New Earth.  Your symbolism does not escape me, RTD.  And just as the angry Nine has been replaced by a happier Ten, the Doctor's response to Cassandra is wildly different.  This time Ten grants her peace, lets her jump time and assure herself that she's beautiful.  That kind of mercy would never have happened with Nine.  Not until Rose's sacrifice made him a better man.

And we have the Face of Boe!  JACK!  Laughing forever.  Regardless of how much I love that connection, the Face of Boe and the Doctor really do have an interesting relationship.  At this point the Doctor thinks they barely know each other, but they are so obviously connected.  And an ominous prophecy by the Face!  So intriguing!  And the sentimental streak in me was so pleased that at the end of Jack's incredibly long life, he got to see the Doctor again. 

The happy ending where everyone is saved and cured is remniscent of "The Doctor Dances."  It's so rare for everyone to live happily ever after, but we get that here.  This is such a feel-good episode.

Real or Not Real?

I can't watch scary movies because I have a hard time separating fact from fiction.  Intellectually I know that what I read and what I see on screens are stories created by people who sat at a desk and hammered out the dialogue and rising action and denoument.

Even knowing that, my mind latches onto stories and doesn't let go.

At work today, I was mindlessly tearing apart stickers to use as prizes this summer.  Suddenly I thought, "Flora is riding a freaking bear!  They're swimming across an ocean, and man, I wonder what will happen to them when they get to the pirate island.  She's on a bear!  That must be terrifying."

Then I thought about how weird it was that I was imagining a fictional character in the midst of her fictional adventure, and worrying about her.  Rather than curing me of this misplaced emotion, it caused me to think, "Loki and Thor are back in Asgard!  I wonder what's going on there.  Is Loki is a prison?  Does Thor visit him every day and speak heavy-handed words of brotherhood and love?  Is Odin picking up any slack as loser-father of the year?  Will Loki realize that people do love him and that it doesn't matter that he's a frost giant?  Ooo, and what if he escapes!  This could all be happening right now in another world, and I wouldn't even know because it's another world!"

Also, because it isn't real, but whatever.

I have this problem all the time, but it was especially bad after I saw The Matrix.  I was so intrigued by the idea that everything I sensed and lived was just a computer construct.  I mean, for like a year, I would think, "This isn't even real.  My homework?  I don't need it.  If I could break out of this, I could stick a needle in my head and just know algebra."

My imagination is a little overactive.  If I'm going to obsess over stories, then they'd better be good ones.  No horror or gore for me.  I'm already paranoid enough.

Let Me Talk Your Ear Off About The Avengers

I am super obsessed with The Avengers.  I saw it in Turkey, and for the first two days that I was home, every other sentence I spoke to my mother was, "I want to see it agaaaaain!"  Eventually I wore her down, or intrigued her enough, and on Sunday night we went to see it.  Two viewings, and I WANT MORE.  The world agrees with me, based on how successful The Avengers has been.  But I've never been able to simply say that I like something.  I have to dig in and find out why, and then share my reasonings with everyone, whether they care or not.

First of all, The Avengers is just fun.  A bunch of dysfunctional superheroes forced to work together to blow stuff up and save the world?  It'd be hard to make that boring.  And it certainly is helped exponentially that the movie was written and directed by Joss Whedon.  He has an incredible talent for writing groups of people, for writing wit, and for writing drama. 

As much as I love wit, and there is loads of it in the movie, what really makes me adore The Avengers is...the Avengers.  Those characters!  They are so well-formed and messed up and awesome!  Because I had an over-abundance of thoughts, I'm going to break this down character by character.  Cut because this flail is going to get long, and beware: thar be spoilers ahead.

Well, I'm Back

During my layover in Amsterdam, a girl sitting across from me said, "I like your shirt."

"Thanks."  I paused, then looked up again.  "Do you know that it's from Doctor Who?"

"Yes!  I love that show!"

We ended up talking for an hour before boarding our flight.  Then eight hours later she found me at the luggage pick-up, and we talked for another thirty minutes.  Guys, I found an internet friend in real life.

Let me explain.  I am not like most people.  I have thoughts and opinions that tend toward the weird.  And I'm fairly obsessive.  When I like something, I like it a lot.  I am not content to just be a fan--I have to join fandoms!  According to my definition, being part of a fandom means getting involved (most likely online) with either a) fan meta, b) fan fiction, or c) fan art.  You can contribute or consume, but you are adding to the experience in some way.  The TV show, book, or movie is not enough on its own.  You need more!

I have been this way since junior high when I discovered the Harry Potter fandom online.  But very few people in my real life circle of friends share this interest.  People side-eye when I mention shipping or an essay I read about the Spike/Willow redemption arc in season 6 of Buffy.  I've gotten used to that, because I know that somewhere in the world, there are a whole lot of people like me, because I see them doing stuff online.

But now I met someone in real life!  Who brought up shipping on her own!  And who shares my love for Doctor Who, The Legend of Korra, and Harry Potter.  She has a tumblr!  She trolls the interwebs!  Oh my gosh, it was wonderful.  I am not alone.

We traded tumblr information, and now we are internet friends.  But we were real life friends first, which is a huge step in some sort of direction.

Now I'm in Peoria.  I've gone to church; I've gone to work.  It's back to normal.

Touristing Again

For once Stephanie and I both had a lazy morning!  On Friday we left the apartment around 10:30 and rode to the tourist district dominated by the Hagia Sophia and Blue Mosque.  On the first bus, I settled against a window, feeling very cool as I read and stood on a moving vehicle.  Then a guy got on and screamed at the bus driver.  He starting shoving him, and a couple guys tried to get in the middle and stop him.  Everyone else on the bus was staring and tsking, but he wouldn't stop freaking out.  At the next stop Stephanie and I got off to avoid any potential problems and rode the tram instead.

When we finally got to one of the cultural centers of the world, where did we go?  Shopping.  Which turned out great, because we got everything on our to-buy lists, and the guy who helped us gave us okay deals because Stephanie spoke Turkish with him.

Then we went to Starbucks, grabbed bread at a street vendor, and sat in a park to eat.  There were cats lounging around everywhere, and I found it hard to concentrate on our conversation, because I kept wanting to watch them and coo over their cuteness.  To my ever-living joy, other Turks and tourists were the same.  They took pictures of the cats, fed them, and petted them.  I tossed my bread to some cats, and Stephanie did too.  I'm so proud of her.

We went to the Cisterns to fulfill my tourist quota.  It was like descending into the Mines of Moria!  A cave of pillars with walkways and some lamps to light your way.  There was also a booth where you could dress up Ottoman style and get your picture taken.  After some embarrassingly gleeful debate, Stephanie and I agreed to do it. We were dressed (me in red, Stephanie in green--how did they know our Hogwarts sorting, oh my gosh) and seated.  A woman adjusted our outfits and told us how to hold our scarves to our faces.  It was hilarious and awesome.

We planned on buying just one copy, but when we got to the counter, that changed.  The guy was super cute, trying to convince us to buy the CD so we would have all the pictures.  We said no, we only wanted one picture, and as he was printing it, he offered both the print and the CD for the price of the CD alone.  We consented, and he grinned, "I win!"

We reemerged into daylight and ate lunch at the delicious corner restaurant where we ate with our team three years ago.  I had my last doner wrap and elma chai.  Since it was still early and we were done, we took a ferry to Asia and got juice at our juice bar again. The fast ferry returned us to Europe and eventually back to the apartment.

Vonda made a delicious dinner and Emily made a delicious dessert.  I can see why Stephanie likes them so much.  We watched Stardust while we ate, then spent the rest of the evening doing whatever.  We went to bed around midnight, and had to wake up at 3:15 in order to get to the airport in time for my flight.  Urgh.

Aw Yeah, Avengers

We had to wake up early Thursday morning to meet Sarah and catch a minibus to Tulay's house.  She and her mother had made a huge spread for kavalta (Turkish breakfast).  I love it all, but I'm not a fan of how hosts serve you food even after you are done eating.  It's rude not to eat it, but it makes me want to die.  What starts as something lovely becomes torturous.  Probably I should learn to eat slowly, so that my empty plate doesn't look like I want more food.

Sarah had to leave to do something else, but Stephanie and I stayed a couple more hours to watch Turkish celebrity gossip TV and take some pictures.  Fatma, Tulay's mom, gave me a gift, which was super sweet.      I hope Stephanie is able to keep in frequent contact with their family even after her language classes are over.

Around noon we caught another minibus to take us to the dernek.  There were no scheduled classes or anything, but two women (can't be alone) are assigned to be there Thursday afternoons.  The dernek is set up so that the ground floor is for men and the upper floor is for women.  In a couple weeks Thursdays will be women-only days, so women can use the couches downstairs and be more visible to people walking by.

Stephanie baked a cake to give to a woman who lives across the street.  Then we worked on putting together a video, because that's what we do when we hang out.  One woman stopped by, but she was looking for someone else.  If I were working at the dernek all the time, this would have been one of those guilty days when I really don't want anyone to come, even though it is my job to get people to visit.

When the dernek closed at 5:00, Stephanie and I caught the metro bus and rode to the hugest of huge malls.  We met Vonda, Emily, and the boys at a Carl's Jr in the food court.  When we finished eating, we met up with Bir Kan, a Turkish friend of theirs. Then we went to the in-mall movie theater to see The Avengers!  And it totally met and sometimes exceeded my ridiculously high expectations.  I just completely adored it.

Watching it in Turkey was extra funny, because a lot of the American culture references went over the heads of 95% of the theater, but our row would crack up.  Especially Vonda.  Half the time I was laughing at her loud laughter. It was just gearing up and getting really good when the movie went off!  Apparently it is a thing to have intermissions in Turkey.  It is the only thing I hate about this country.  Stephanie tried to tell me that she enjoys breaking up an awesome movie to stare at a blank screen, but I refuse to believe her.  It's awful.

The movie ended around 10:00, and Bir Kan walked Stephanie and I back to the bus stop.  He is really hilarious and sweet.  We parted ways, and as we rode the crowded bus back toward the apartment, I raved and raved about The Avengers.  I need to see it again.  Now.

Cooking Class and Souvenir Shopping

Stephanie had language again Wednesday morning, which meant I had another lazy morning.  Well, kind of.  I was reading while Vonda deep-cleaned the apartment.  Eventually I felt bad, so I washed the dishes.  I ran into her in the bathroom where she was unclogging the shower and cleaning the counter.

"I'm sorry.  I live with the most disgusting people," she said.

I nodded hypocritically, because I'm a slob with the best of them.  I completely sympathize with Stephanie, because why clean when someone like Vonda will eventually break and clean it for you, better than you ever could.

Vonda and I went to the dernek together at 12:30.  On the tram, a little girl fell asleep in the seat across from us.  Her mom had a hard time waking her up, and as she walked past she blearily stumbled into me.  Her mom cracked up and told her, "You just hit your big sister!"  Apparently Turks use the word for "big sister" or "big brother" for kindly strangers.

We bought tavuk dürüm for us and Stephanie and Sarah, then took lunch to the dernek and sat around eating, waiting for cooking class to begin.

Another worker leads a weekly cooking class.  Two Turkish women showed up, and they made no-bake cookies.  After they were done, which didn't take very long, we all sat around drinking chai.  I showed my pictures of family and friends.  Three hours later, they left.  Yeah, three hours.  I forgot how long visits last in foreign countries, or rather, how long they seem when you can't understand what is going on.

At 5:00 we closed up the dernek, and Stephanie and I went downtown for shopping!  I bought a lot of souvenirs, and tried to haggle.  I don't think I did very well.  I got better deals than were offered, but I think I was still ripped off.  I hate that countries overcharge tourists.  I hate falling for it.

After we'd shopped a while, we got coffee at this cute little fancy shop.  I saw more cats hanging around (side story:  people are really nice to stray cats in Istanbul!  Apparently it is rumored that Mohammad liked cats or said being nice to cats was good or something, so Turkish people are awesome!  They frequently stop to pet the strays, and sometimes put food out for them.  As a result, the strays are semi-friendly, and very healthy.  It's nice.)

Okay, back to real life.  We caught a bus that took us back to the apartment.  It was an hour+ ride, so I was reading Stephanie's Kindle.  A guy got on the bus and stood right next to me, pressed against me.  I thought the bus was overcrowded, and I'm non-confrontational, so I didn't do anything.  But it quickly creeped me out, so I scooted against Stephanie.  She asked if the guy was too close, and when I subtly nodded, she threw him the angriest look and clucked at him in the best shameful Turkish way.  The guy backed off.

When we got home, Vonda was back from picking up Emily (the third roommate) from the airport.  She seems quite nice.  We all ate food, watched TV, and the Hands On guys came over later too.  Since I'd been staying in Emily's room, we had to move a mattress into Stephanie's room.  Her room is tiny (and messy), so there is now exactly no space for anything other than sleeping.  Which is all I really wanted to do, so it was great.

Food Food Food

Vonda is a coffee expert, so Tuesday morning she made me a delicious hand-ground cup of coffee. But that was it for breakfast, because we were going to drive an hour to the shore of the Bosphorus to eat kavalta. We picked up the Hands On guys (three this time instead of two) along the way. Kavalta is a Turkish breakfast made up of bowls of olives, tomatoes, cucumbers, cream and honey, jam, faux peanut butter, cheese, fried cheese, and lots of delicious bread. It was all you can eat, and I can eat a lot. Too much.

I spent the hour drive back to our apartment in a semi-coma. We rushed upstairs to pack all the books that were donated into a suitcase, then hurried downstairs to join Sarah and Shana in driving to the dernek. Stephanie and I put the books on the shelves, and they look so wonderful! Thanks to everyone who gave me the books to bring here! Tulay (Stephanie's Turkish teacher) came to the dernek to take us all to her neighbor's house for visiting and food. We rode the tram a little ways, then walked and walked and walked. We ended up going through a bazaar to buy strawberries to take to their house, since it's good form to bring a gift.

We arrived at the house around 2:00, and the eating took place pretty immediately. It was so super delicious, but I wasn't very hungry to begin with, and whenever I finished something, one of the women would add more food to my plate. It was never-ending! I also drank three cups of chai and one cup of Turkish coffee. It's a wonder my brain didn't explode.

I couldn't communicate very much, since everyone spoke Turkish. But I was super impressed with Stephanie! I don't know if she was speaking correctly, but she talked a lot, and all the women seemed to get what she was saying. I tried out the few Turkish phrases I'd been taught, mostly at Stephanie's prompting, but mostly I mastered the art of smiling. Which was easy, because these ladies were wonderful and friendly.

We took some pictures before leaving three hours later, then took a minibus back to the dernek. On Tuesday nights Stephanie and Sarah teach English clubs. One woman showed up, and I kind of took over, because I'm obnoxious like that. I like to think that since I did this for five months, and also am kind of a teacher by gifting, that I was somehow helpful? But I think I might have offended Sarah, so after I sorted the flash cards and worked with Fatime on family words, I handed it over to her. And then promptly told her exactly what to do, because even when I'm kind, I'm still obnoxious.

The end result was good, though! Fatime mastered probably 75% of the words before leaving, and would proudly go through them over and over to show how good she was. She stayed until 8:30 (that's two and a half hours!) and after she left, we cleaned up and closed up the dernek. Vonda wasn't home when Stephanie and I returned. We sat around, played on the internet, watched videos, and went to bed. It had been a long, food-filled day.

But it was totally worth it, since I got to see Stephanie really rock at her job, and I got to hang out with Turks pretty much the whole day.

Monday Adventures and Non-Events

Every Monday morning Stephanie has language class, and since I am not learning Turkish, I got to sleep in! I had a lovely morning drinking coffee, catching up on blogging, and talking to Vonda. Turns out she was also a sociology major. We talked about jobs we've had, jobs we want, and how hard it is for both of us to step outside our comfort zone and get stuff done.

At noon I was supposed to head across Istanbul to meet Stephanie at the dernik. She left me a map that would take me down several streets to the tram station, which I would ride to its end. I was armed with a cell phone and a key to their apartment, which I guess I could use if I freaked out and ran home crying.

I also had a map that Stephanie drew for me. It is seriously the best map ever. It's colored, and there are handy landmarks like "super wide sidewalk" and "really steep hill" and "don't worry about this street." But really it was incredibly helpful. Or it was once I got to the right first street. I was supposed to take the first right at an intersection near the apartment, but instead I took an immediate right, which led me to a dead end and a playground. I called Vonda and admitted to being lost approximately 30 seconds after walking out the door. She set me straight, and I made the rest of the ten minute walk safely and correctly!

When I got to the tram station, I saw that Stephanie had texted and told me to video myself, so I pulled out my camera and tried to surreptitiously film myself on the platform. Since everyone else waiting for the tram plus everyone driving by stared at me like I was crazy, I self-consciously put it away.

The tram came, I got on, and did not move from my selected pole for the entire ride. Not even when the tram braked quickly, and my useless shoes slid me around 180 degrees, nearly ramming into the man standing three feet to my right. I immediately turned about toward the window so I wouldn't have to see whether or not anyone was snickering at me.

Stephanie met me at the tram station with her partner Sarah. The three of us walked to a restaurant where I ate doner, my favorite of all favorites. Then we went back to the dernik in case any women dropped by. They didn't, because the dernik is newly opened and unpublicized. Stephanie and I left for awhile to go grocery shopping, and I found these delicious candy things that I fell in love with in Mongolia. They are in Turkey too! Of course I bought some.

The dernik closed up at 5:00, and we went back to the apartment. Vonda went with us to the grocery store, where we met up with two Hands On guys who are their friends. We bought food for dinner, then proceeded to make it. Their other roommate Skyped from America, which occupied Vonda, so Stephanie and I chopped all the vegetables and chicken while singing A Very Potter Musical and talking about friendships. The rest of the night consisted of eating and watching an insane amount of 30 Rock episodes.

All in all, it was pretty low-key, which was nice after a crazy day yesterday and in preparation of a crazy day on Tuesday.

This Is Why I Love Stephanie

At 11:50, after we'd said multiple goodnights and gone to bed, Stephanie stealthily opened my door and asked, "Are you awake?"

"Yes."

"Where is your Compassion kid from?"

"Tanzania. ...Where is yours from?"

"Kenya."

"Why are you asking me this now!?"

Sunday

Steph and I woke up at 7:45 and were walking to the bus stop at 8:00. We rode for maybe half an hour before getting off and walking to Starbucks. I forgot that Turkey is not like Senegal. American corporations have a sizable foothold here. We drank coffee while eating a sesame seed bagel thing that we bought from a cart outside, which was a weird combination of US/Turkey.

The English church was near Starbucks. The praise team was cool, and we sang a mix of hymns and contemporary songs. There were maybe a hundred people at that service, from multiple nationalities. The pastor preached on the qualities of a church leader, which was a bit weird because he never connected it to how we as the congregation could apply the message. Then we had Communion, which was awesome. That more than anything made me feel connected to the rest of the people worshipping, and got me thinking of all the awesomeness they are made of, and how this small group of believers could affect the rest of Istanbul.

After church Stephanie and I walked to a restaurant to eat the Turkish equivalent of fajitas. We talked about how Turkey makes people fat because the food is just so good. Then we walked around for a bit, and I bought a scarf. The main road where all of these things take place is notorious for being a place of protests, and sure enough, we passed an alley with a bunch of men listening to another man yelling about something. We hurried past.

We took "the fastest, warmest, and most joyful" subway to the river. We wandered through the spice bazaar and bought more souvenirs. At one stall, these American Fusion guys that Steph kind of knows stepped out to convince us to buy Turkish delight. Apparently they had a deal with the stall owner that for every sale they made, they would get a percentage off the enormous amount of Turkish delight that they had bought to take home. They tricked us into buying a kilo of the stuff mostly be offering. Stephanie is awful at haggling, because she doesn't do it. I stepped in and got a couple deals, but it is not a good haggling strategy to have a partner who is all too willing to pay full price.

Haggling is my strength. Weaving through crowds is Stephanie's. We went on a boat tour of the Bosphorus, and every time we pushed to get in line or get on the boat, Stephanie would end up ten people ahead of me, and I don't know how she does it!

The river was pretty. The electronic tour things we rented were pretty useless. I let Stephanie be my guide instead. She would point at something and say, "There's something famous!" Famous for what, I would ask. "I don't know. Oh look, there's something else famous!" We went to the boat cafe and bought coffee for me and chai for her. We ended the two hour tour sitting outside on the lowest deck, where I was torn between watching the waves break across the boat and watching a Turkish mother desperately try to keep her son's ears warm with his hoodie.

We got off that boat, then got on another that would take us to Asia. We landed at the dock that, three years ago, our team used all the time! We walked a little ways to our old fruit stand and got freshly pressed strawberry/orange juice. It was delicious!

We walked up the street to find our old hotel. Stephanie said, "It wasn't Hotel Nova, was it?" But it was! I pushed my way inside, and the hotel guy asked if he could help us. We explained that we had been there several years ago with a college group, and he claimed to remember us. We left without taking up his offer to sit, then walked to the main road to eat doner sandwiches.

We walked to another dock to find a boat that would take us back to Europe. We were both exhausted, and I fell asleep. Then we took a taxi back to her apartment, where I fell asleep again on her couch. Vonda joined us in finding Stephanie's friend Evin, who was going to be playing music at a cafe that night. We debated taking the car, and while we stood in the parking lot, like, five cats came up to be petted. Vonda and I cooed and petted, and Stephanie rolled her eyes. Vonda said that in a couple weeks, there would be a bunch of kittens wandering around! They live in a magical place!

We drove to the cafe, but Vonda had to immediately go back, because the girl they share the car with needed it. Stephanie and I went in the cafe, but Evin wasn't there. The girls who were there tried to explain, in Turkish, where she was. We walked down the street, turned right, and then...Stephanie said she didn't understand any instructions after that. We called Vonda to come pick us up before she'd gotten very far. We ended up back at the apartment, watching Thor on TV. But I was still dead tired, so I went to bed around 10 and slept for 11 hours.

Airport Smell

I slept the second flight, from before takeoff to when the steward was reaching across my face to pass food to someone else. I got to Istanbul and out of the airport by 4:30 maybe. Stephanie and I did our best to cause a scene by hugging and falling all over ourselves. It's so great to see her again!

Her roommate Vonda, who can drive in Turkey, was also with her. She's also super cool, by which I mean she's a lot like Stephanie and me.

We crossed into Asia and drove to the top of a tepe (hill) to eat gozleme and look at Istabul from above. Then we drove to a restaurant and I ate glorious meat and bread and yumminess. Turkish food is the best!

We drove back to their apartment in Europe, which took over two hours. Crazy big city. I gave Stephanie her loads and loads of presents from all of you, and she was ecstatic! She clothed things to her chest and fell over a few times. So thanks! Then I fell asleep, and it was wonderful, because I was dead.

To Amsterdam

I somehow always forget how much I love traveling until I do just that.  Which is strange considering how much I think I like traveling.  I don't love sitting in a cramped position for seven hours.  But I love the freedom.  I love knowing that when I get where I'm going, it is a different time in a different place.  I love how airports and airplanes are melting pots like nothing else--people are going home, going on vacation, or jumping from one airport to the next layover.  There are so many possibilities of adventures people are having.

I sat next to a Dutch guy on the flight.  He and his son were in Chicago for the son's sixteenth birthday.  Apparently they looked at the options around this time of year.  "It was Chicago or Dallas, and nothing is in Dallas, so..." I laughed and told him I was about to move to Dallas, so I hoped he was wrong.  We talked about jobs and future jobs and where we have traveled.  Then we went back to our seat-back TVs.  It is weird to discontinue a relationship mid-air when you are still six inches from the other person. 

Traveling opens my mind.  Part of it is the freedom of being alone.  I can do anything, go anywhere, and no one cares.  No one will hold it over my head if I look foolish, and no one can tell me not to get a third cup of coffee.  There is also the mental creativity overload that comes from being around so many different people.  All of that combines to mean that I am more likely to think deeper, and to listen to God sometimes, too.

I have been a bit bummed that a lot of my traveling lately has been, or likely will be, repeat trips.  I like new things!  I want to see all the countries!  But this is my second time to Turkey, and I recently went to Senegal twice, and if I can find the time to go overseas again in the near future, I think I'll head back to Mongolia. Ridiculous, I know, to find fault in world traveling.  But I realized something.  My "thing" is that I travel.  But should it be?  Of course not.  As a Christian, my "thing" should be that I love God.

What if God has been putting opportunities for repeat trips in my way so that I realize that I need to give traveling up to Him too?  I don't think I will never go somewhere new, but what if that is the case?  Would I be okay with that? For now, yes.  I trust that God will use my love of traveling and seeing new places and learning about new people in ways I cannot even imagine right now.

If that means a rotating tour of Istanbul, Fatick, and Ulaanbaatar, then I guess He has some pretty rad plans up His sleeve. And hey, there are always layovers in new cities.

Speaking of which, I'm off to explore the Amsterdam airport, which is not actually new.  I just saw the little kids' table where some of our CA-1 group played cards!