This past Sunday I had a stimulating discussion with some people in my small group. I was arguing for a less-common position, and finally one man said, "But is there ever a time when people ought to feel shame?"
I think I surprised everyone when I answered, "No." To be honest, it surprised me as well. Isn't that what it means to be a sinful person in awe of God's goodness? Shouldn't we feel shame?
I still think, no. Guilt, absolutely. But never shame. The man in my small group asked me to elaborate.
"Shame is the opposite of being created in the image of God. Shame is being worthless and disgusting in the very heart of our being. Guilt is making mistakes, of making really terrible, horrible mistakes. It is doing the wrong thing over and over again. But with guilt, there can be redemption. With guilt, we can still be loved."
We talk about this in counseling quite a bit. Guilt is appropriate (although sometimes people feel false guilt for things they either didn't do or have since been forgiven of), but shame is the disease that leads people to therapy. Guilt is a parent saying, "You did a bad thing." Shame is a parent saying, "You're a bad child."
I wonder how much pain has been caused by the Church confusing these two concepts? We hear over and over again that we are sinners in need of grace. Yes, absolutely. But that is not our center. At our deepest, most inward parts, we are created in the image of God. We are glorious because we are known and loved by the God of the universe. Have we inherited a sinful nature? Have we each acted in countless sinful ways, hurting those who love us, hurting ourselves, acting selfishly in fear and hatred? Yes, yes, yes. We are guilty.
But sin does not stop God loving us, and that means we should never teach a gospel of shame. In what twisted world is shame considered a part of "good news"?
The gospel I stand by is this: You are loved, and you screw up, and you are loved, and the world sucks, and you are loved, and there is hope, and you are loved, and a day is coming when all will be well, and you are loved.
