Beauty and Gifts

I am loving Peoria in the summer. It is gorgeous. Last night our church had our evening service at this pioneer church, then cooked hot dogs and hung out outside. Today I had a picnic with my friend Michelle on the playground of the grade school where we became friends. It's just all so green and lush, the sky is beautifully blue with fantastic white puffy clouds. I love it.



In my Theories of Personality class, we studied this one theory that says people are built to look at the world through a certain lens, like logic or morality. At the time, I figured mine was beauty, and after living in Senegal, I am more sure of that than ever. It's really hard for me to live in a place that isn't beautiful. Fatick was just depressing to look at. But Peoria! It's wonderful. My world makes sense.

In a more thinky thought unrelated tangent, I've been confronted with the question of my gifts and talents a couple times in the last few days, and can I just say that I hate that question? Off the top of my head, I have very little idea of what I'm good at. I don't actually think I'm good at anything.

But when it really comes down to it, I think I have two major talents. Writing and adaptability. I don't like that my talents are more reactionary than causational. I have no idea what I can do, but whatever I do, I know that I can get used to it quickly and then express my thoughts about it. So that's...something.

When it comes to spiritual gifts, though, I'm even less sure. So I followed Joel's advice and asked some people. The overwhelming favorite was knowledge, which I can totally see. The only problem is, what good is that? I mean, if it's God's gift, it's obviously useful, but....

The thing is, I feel like everything I'm good at is very intrapersonal. That is by far where most of my intelligence lies. In that personality class, everything we learned, I applied to myself. Other people said, "Oh! This explains my mother/roommate/friend!" Nope. I rarely thought past myself. And isn't that what knowledge is too? I guess I feel like I don't give back enough, that it isn't natural for me to think of other people. I'm not compassionate, that's for sure.

Other than knowledge, a couple people suggested mercy. I can see that a little, I guess. I don't know exactly what that gift entails, so that's part of the problem. But I was also told that I have the gift of accepting people, which is similar to what a friend told me awhile ago, that she felt she could tell me anything and I wouldn't judge her. If that is mercy, then....yes!

I think I should be a psychologist someday.

Then there were some single responses, like giving (which I kind of agree with, and I definitely feel like God is working on growing that in me, so maybe it's a secondary gift?), and discernment and showing up at people's houses at 10:30. I don't know, but I think the last one might have been a joke. I can't really discern the meaning behind it.

Anyway. Those are the things I'm thinking. Sometimes I wish God had written an instructions manual for my life. "This is what you are good at. You will be most rewarded by going into such-and-such a profession." Too bad.