Changing

For the first 16-18 years of my life, all I wanted was to be a stay at home wife, raising kids and living in a mansion in the suburbs with one room dedicated to books.

From ages 16-20, I fell in love with traveling, and I started to fantasize about living overseas for awhile before settling into my suburban paradise.  It was always a fantasy, and it was always a big, first-world, European city.

At age 21, I lived overseas for five months in a poor country in the world's poorest continent.

Now at age 23, Senegal isn't poor enough.  I want to go to the places where people die of malnutrition, where water is scarce, and where disease ravages families.  I want to live amongst people who have no education and no hope of having a better life.  I want to help those people, to show them love and compassion.

And I want to avoid the suburbs with all my heart.  I never want to upgrade to a bigger house.  I never want to wonder, "Gee, I have so much money, should I buy a boat or a sports car?"  There are people I respect who do these things, but for myself...the idea terrifies me.  I don't want to give money a foothold in my life, because there are so many other ways I can spend it than on myself.  If I start, I might never stop.  And then the woman who could start a sewing business on a $50 loan might never get my money, and the family who received a goat might never get my money, and the AIDS prevention campaigns might never get my money.

And that's just money.  What about my time?  My presence?  I know I am just one person, and I have no idea what I can do to make this world better, but I know that God wants all of us to do it, so...there must be something.  I cannot deny the poor and the needy of my gifts and talents, when that is exactly what I was created to do.

I want to give up my money and my privilege in order to help those who have neither.  I can't help but think God wants us privileged white Americans to stop talking about what we believe so much, and instead start living out our faith, bringing God's kingdom to earth.  Why would Jesus ever come back to rule over a planet that is in far worse shape than when he first came?   We are supposed to be changing that!

I want to stop talking and blogging, and start doing.  I want Mongolia to hurry up and get here so I can take the next step after that.  I know I am learning and growing in this waiting time, but I'm ready to stop waiting and start going!  There are so many people who need help, and I want to help as many of them as I can with however long I will live.

From suburban housewife to wannabe-poverty-eradicator....there is no explanation for my complete change of life's goal other than the Holy Spirit.  Kind of scary, kind of awesome.