The Fable of the Pursuer

I was "pursued" recently, and it was utterly unromantic.  Mostly because I didn't like the guy who was pursuing me.  I did not understand how he didn't see the hints I was laying down.  Finally I told him I was interested in someone else, and he said, "I'm going to keep pursuing you unless you tell me to stop, because I respect you."  I think he thought it sounded romantic.  It felt creepy.  I immediately said, "This is me asking you to stop."  And it was super weird.

I complained about it to Liz, and she said something very smart (like she does).  She said that Christian guys have this "pursuer myth" rammed down their throats from an early age, and they just assume it always works.  You know, the one about how a guy was so sure God had told him to date a girl, but she wasn't into it, so he kept pursuing her until she gave in.  I used to think that was romantic (WHO WAS I, UGH, I'm so different now).  And I guess, in very specific instances, it might be.  Like, if the guy was someone you actually liked, but you wanted to see if he thought you were worth pursuing?  But that's so stupid.  How much better to be like, yeah I like you, thanks for liking me too.  Dating games are so stupid.  Let's all agree to stop them immediately.

So anyway.  That's one thing, if it's a guy you like.  But if it's a guy you don't like?  No.  Just no.  Maybe God specifically tells a few guys to do something like that, but by and large it isn't God talking.  It's hormones.  And I'm sorry that guys are told to pursue, and girls are taught to be pursued.  It doesn't have to be like that. 

Added to this, a friend of Liz's came over and told us how a guy in her small group at church was going back to his wife, because he wanted to make their relationship work.  "Aw!" we all said.

"Yeah, his wife put out a restraining order against him, but he really feels like he ought to try again."

Jessica and I gave her "are you serious right now?" looks, unsure how polite it is to tell off someone you've just met.

"Um, restraining order?"  I said.  "Shouldn't he, like, stay away from her?"

"But they're in a covenant relationship.  She left the faith and left him, and when he kept pursuing her, she took out a restraining order.  But, I mean, they're married."

"Nope.  Nope.  That doesn't matter," said Jessica, who works in a women's shelter.

And really, what is this!?  How have we taught men to disrespect women's wishes and comfort because God "told" them to?  How about instead, men pray that God moves the woman's heart to feel the same way, yeah?  God can do that, and it's not creepy, and it's not illegal.

Oh my gosh.  I have so many feelings about things.