Hermione is a Boss, Don't Mess With That

Person:  What would be different if Harry Potter were set in the United States?
Me:  *oh my gosh, what a fantastic question, I'm so into this*  Well, Harry would definitely be the surprise star quarterback.  And he would obnoxiously say "dude" all the time.
Person:  Yeah, football.  And I think Hagrid would be a redneck.  Also, I think Hermione would be really promiscuous.

At this point, I set my phone down.  Hermione?  Promiscuous?  What the hell?  However, I was willing to give Person the benefit of the doubt.

Me:  I can't actually ever imagine Hermione being promiscuous.  She's far too level-headed.
Person:  Yeah, but an American nerd is just too boring.

Alright, that's it.  I never responded, and I spent the next couple hours going back to look at the text incredulously.  (You think I'm kidding, but this time I'm not.)  Finally, Liz came home.

Me:  LIZ.  Guess what Person did!  You'll never believe it!  I'm SO UPSET.  *reads texts dramatically*
Liz:  Oh no!  *laughs hysterically*
Me:  Person MALIGNED Hermione Granger.
Liz:  She is basically you!
Me:  Yeah!  American nerds aren't GOOD ENOUGH?
Liz:  They totally are.
Me:  And Person literally took the one girl mentioned and made her sexual because that would make the story better?  It's like Person did everything possible to personally piss me off.
Liz:  And in one sentence, too.
Me:  Yes!  I would almost be impressed.  If I didn't hate Person so much.
Liz:  I'm sorry.
Me:  Thank you.

Don't mess with my fictional characters.  It will make me judge you, probably forever.