Focusing on the Small Things

I just read Hebrews 3, and I at first thought that a reason for my spiritual apathy of late was that I wasn't hearing God's voice. I felt sure that if only God would speak to me, I would do that thing where I wrestle with His command, flip flop a bit, and then obey Him and be closer to Him as a result.

I like to live life dramatically, if I can point out the obvious. I like big signs and big choices. I like for decisions to be monumental and scary and powerful.

But I don't think that is how God wants to work in my life right now. What if God has been speaking to me, in those quiet thoughts of "hey, go hug her" or "ask about their weekend." What if God is trying to grow me in my relationships with others? Egad. I'm so bad at relationships. I mean, I'm good at starting them. I can make friends and be friendly like no one's business. But to get deep with people, to share struggles and victories, to do that Christian community thing? I suck at that. I don't like to do that, because it makes me vulnerable, and it means I have to care about other people, and i have to put other people before myself.

So anyway, obviously there is a lot for God to do in my heart. I don't want to go through the little changes, the small tweaks that turn out to be something big in the end. And since I don't value that kind of change, I don't see it. I haven't been recognizing God speaking into my life and my actions.

But what if that's exactly what's been happening? I've been waiting for signs and wonders, and God is telling me to care about people.

I don't want my heart to be hardened to God's voice. And I don't want to miss it because I don't appreciate what's being said. God is working in me, is speaking to me. He's not forgotten about me. And that's rather exciting.