Mer

I'm not writing much lately, and that's mostly because I have no idea what to do with my life.

Well, that's not true. There are several things I think God is working in my life and my heart, such as developing a love for missions in America (oh, the good old days when Erin and I would sit around talking about how much we loved other countries more than America...I miss being around people who think like me).

Anyway, I've realized that a big part of my emotional blah-ness is because I don't have a daily routine. I wake up and decide what I want to do for the day. Freeing? NO. All of the choices suffocate me. I even made up a list of things I should do today, and I did a lot of them, but still. I like to wake up and do the same thing every day. I like to know what is expected of me.

I like to do concrete things that I know God wants me to do. I printed off pictures to mail someone. I made a present for a friend. I took a family-less girl shopping with me. I emailed someone about a potential ministry opportunity.

That should make me feel productive, but it doesn't, because I also finished a book, watched loads of Avatar: the Last Airbender, and made pumpkin scones.

I want a job. I might have a possibility, but I'm not sure how it will work out.

I want to go back to Senegal. Wendy is on Mission Serve right now, and one of the girls on her crew is going to Fatick as one of the new Hands On girls in a couple weeks. That makes me so unbearably jealous. Okay, that's over-emoting. But I am jealous. I don't want other people playing with Melody and Ethan, or watching Nate play video games, or talking to Holly in her kitchen (which isn't even her kitchen anymore...), or laughing with Liz, or making pizza with Kim, or teasing Travis.

I want to do those things.