Angry Conversations with God

I have been devouring Susan Isaacs hilarious and poignant and theological book Angry Conversations with God: A Snarky but Authentic Spiritual Memoir.  And can we just stop right there and appreciate how awesome that title is?  The book is exactly what I wish I had written.

Agh, I just love it so much!  My favorite Christian authors are the ones who are messed up, and will gladly tell you about it.  I like Christians who cuss and who question God and who will go anywhere or do anything to catch a glimpse of hope.  I like my Tozers and Lewises, don't get me wrong.  They speak to me intellectually, and often they do awaken my soul through their brilliance.  But authors like Donald Miller and now Susan Isaacs....they make me feel human.  They give me hope, because they are screwed up and flawed, but they also love God with a deep and passionate adoration.  I relate to them far more, because I am quite screwed up and flawed myself.  But I can still love God desperately despite all my problems.

So thanks, Joel!  Awesome fantabulous recommendation.

But this isn't just a book rec.  I will, of course, apply it to my life, because that's what I do as a soc/psych major.  The premise of the book is that the author takes God to couple's counseling.  She talks through her life, and then she and God have a hypothetical conversation about what in the world God was doing through the insanity and horror and beauty.

I'm a bit nervous about the wedding next week.  I mean, actually I'm not, but I was a couple months ago, and I anticipate another round of nerves hitting before the event.  That's because the two boys who wreaked havoc on me emotionally last spring will be at the wedding.  If you read my old blog, you know who I mean, because I spent a fairly large amount of text whining and complaining and saying "WHAT IS GOING ON!?"

But I decided to take a look at those situations and see how God used them to help me, even though I'd much rather never met those boys.  (Okay, that's not true.  They are truly awesome boys, but I wish I hadn't been stupid and allowed myself to get heartbroken.)

So Chris is easy.  It only took me a few minutes to see how God used that relationship to help me, even though I had never thought about it before.  Since I saw Chris as my brother, but could talk to him about Jesus and life at the same time, he broke apart my idolatry for my biological brother.  I had a tendency to hero-worship Roy.  I still think he is very awesome, and he has undoubtedly changed what I consider cool and lame.  But he's not someone I should admire or mimic.  He's not a Christian, and he's not living a life I want to imitate.  Being around Chris showed me that my brother is not perfect.  I never thought I would lose that idolatry, but....I think I pretty much have.  That's kind of huge, if you've heard me rave about Roy.

Kevin is not so easy, because in addition to heartbreak, he made me feel stupid.  But he did give me hope that there are awesome, romantic guys in the world who also want to obey God while being awesome.  Hunh, I almost said something bitter, but this post is not about being bitter!  Um, okay, I'm done with Kevin.  That is apparently still a sore topic, and maybe God can enlighten me years from now when I'm not so close to the situation.

And on a completely not-boy level, I realized that recent events have been kicking at my pride.  I am a prideful person.  That's my sin that I will struggle with probably forever.  I don't like when people disagree with me, because obviously I am always right.  And I don't like when people tell me what to do or call me out on being selfish.  But those darn Newtons do it anyway, like the Bible tells them too.  And I appreciate it.  I may not like it, but I can see that God has been working on me the past few days, trying to drag me along that sanctification path, whether I want to or not.

So yeah.  If you like snarky but authentic spiritual memoirs (and I think you do if you are reading this blog), then you should check out Susan Isaacs.  Brilliant.