I've been in Dallas for five days now, and I am deceived into thinking that I'm the best transplant in the universe, that I'm handling this super well and am only a tiny bit stressed all the time. Then I remember that my mom is staying with me and my church family is 20 minutes away, and the panic increases.
It will be hard to lose my support group. Not just the people who support me, but the people who I can support. I can already feel a purposelessness hanging over me. I don't have a job to contribute to society, I don't a church to volunteer my time, and I don't have friends to talk to and encourage. There is no one who will call me out of the blue and ask me to help with something. Getting to that point will likely take months of intense pro-active work, and I am very aware that I'm not great at being pro-active.
Still, I keep remembering what one of Liz's friends told me in January. She had just moved to Dallas a few months before, and she felt like the change was a way of God keeping her on her toes. She felt like He would lead her to live overseas one day, and so she didn't want to get too attached to any one place or group of people. She was purposefully making herself into a nomad so that she would be ready and prepared whenever God led her somewhere.
That stuck with me. I have no idea what God will do with me. Maybe I will live in Asia. Maybe I will return to Peoria. Maybe I will stay in Dallas. Who knows? But I can see wisdom in forcing myself to change, to adapt, to trust God in difficult situations.
This doesn't mean I'm any more confident about being in Dallas, but I respond very well to being given a reason. I may not like being secluded here, but at least I know why it might turn out to be a good thing.
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