I feel like I'm on the edge of a spiritual and emotional cliff. Last night I was really missing old-school Jackson (my Craig 3 sisters), and then this morning I found out that Whitney is getting married this week. Of course I wasn't invited, and I don't think it's a big wedding, but I doubt I would have been invited anyway.
So that sucks. And I haven't really been enjoying my time with God lately. I just read and pray the bare minimum to let my conscious feel clear. Though of course that doesn't work, because I think God would rather I not spend time with him than spend fake time with him.
But I read from Revelation today (oh my word I love that book more and more every time I read it), and I felt like God spoke to me through the letter to Ephesus. Because I'm good at the righteous anger and indignation. I have a very clear picture of what holiness and church life should look like, and when it's not that way, I get pissed. But sometimes, often, I let that anger get in the way of loving my spiritual family. I'm like a fairy--I only feel one emotion at a time.
How to both hate hypocrisy and love Christians, when of course all Christians will be hypocrites at some time, because we are still fallen people struggling toward sanctification? I don't know. Something else God needs to change in my heart. At least now I'm more aware of it and will look for him working.
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