There's a book I want to read called Zombies vs. Unicorns, in which popular YA authors take sides and write short stories about whichever creature they find more awesome. I haven't read the book, but I did read a review that got all excited about something strange. The reviewer thought it was awesome that most of the unicorn stories broke from the "unicorns only trust/like virgins" trope.
The reviewer even gleefully put forth one girl who is "definitely not a virgin" (what does that even mean? the story is about her having sex? she goes around remembering all her sexual exploits?) and her awesome relationship with a unicorn as society advancing and getting rid of sexual taboos and whatnot.
But you know what? I'm a little offended. I'm a virgin, and there is very little in my culture that affirms my life choice. If someone wants to have sex, then there are crowds of people and loads of media who will cheer them on. But decide to wait until marriage? Then people look at you weird, and the media mostly doesn't realize people like me still exist.
Through all of which I mean to say, leave me my unicorns! It's pretty difficult to stay a virgin and to be proud of it. Is it so much to ask for a mythical creature mascot?
I'm not even arguing morals. I just want someone (or something) on team virgin. And a shiny horse with a horn that can impale enemies or maybe fart rainbows? Yeah, I want that on my side.
On a related note, if unicorns and virginity are intertwined, what will happen to my unicorn hair when I eventually have sex? Inquiring minds want to know, Dr. Hughes.
OK, I just laughed and BIG BIG laughed!!! I'm about to read this to Dusty, and hear him laugh too.
ReplyDeleteI just laughed even harder when I read it out loud. I even got to the silent, nostril flaring kind of laughter. If I had to vote on a most hilarious blog post of yours, then I would hands down choose this one. Seriously, I'm crying. I vote for keeping the fictional mascot and tweezing the unicorn hair, when all is said and done.
ReplyDeletePlease tell me you've seen the episode of Community that compares virginity to unicorns.
ReplyDeleteBut seriously, I was talking to my mom about this earlier this afternoon. Sexual liberation doesn't count unless women are also at liberty to not have sex.
I only have one comment... If rainbows are really unicorn farts, what is the pot of gold at the end?
ReplyDeleteJust food for thought...