Gender is my hot spot. I'm pretty down with traditional sexuality, most of the time, kind of. But the traditional Christian teachings on gender make me furious. One of the books we had to read for class had a chapter on masculinity and another chapter on femininity. I scrawled angry notes in the margin like "oh, so women don't need affirmation?" or "I can think of five examples OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD that are the exact opposite!!"
My reaction is definitely rooted in personal issues. For the first eighteen years of my life, I desperately wanted to be the good little homemaker who married young, popped out babies, and submitted joyfully to her husband without a thought as to what I would contribute to the world myself. College began a painfully introspective journey that showed me I do not fit in that mold. I want so badly to contribute to the world's conversations. I want my voice to be heard. I want to support people, yes, and I hope to be married. But I don't want my life to disappear into a man's simply because he's my husband.
What's more, I took psychology classes that listed masculine and feminine traits. I looked at the columns disconcertingly. Sure, I'm more cooperative than competitive. But I'm deeply academic and more comfortable discussing ideas rather than feelings. I hate admitting I'm weak or wrong, and I crave respect and affirmation. I identify myself based on my work ("I'm a librarian" or "I'm a grad student") rather than by my relationships. As for gendered roles? Hah. I could care less about a clean house, and while I can follow a recipe, I'd rather use the microwave. Kids are cool, but I've never felt the desire to push one out of my vagina. In fact, while I'm very into adopting, it's mostly from a place of joyful duty rather than maternal instinct.
So fine. I'm not 100% feminine. Most of the world would say, duh. No one is totally masculine or feminine. Most of the world, however, is not the Church. I constantly felt that all I could offer to God were the parts of me that were feminine, and that anything else I felt capable of would be frowned upon. There was always an underlying dread that there was something wrong with me because I was not entirely feminine.
I thought this class would go down the same lines, but instead we were taught gender stereotypes as useful counseling aids. Women tend to act this way in this situation, but men tend act the opposite way, we were told. Not all women and men will do so, but if this is an issue in a marriage, point it out and maybe they will realize it's a common issue. There was no one right way to be a woman or a man, we were told. We're uniquely made by God with a blend of masculinity and femininity, and anyway, women and men are more alike than different.
My issue is that so much of gender is cultural. It's hard for me to accept that God wired tendencies into our social expressions. Which made me quite happy to jump on board their proposed gendered divide.
God created humanity as male and female. Women and men reveal God in unique ways. Through nurturing and providing? Eh. What about this instead? Men are biologically wired to be sexually predictable. Grab and rub, and they're good to go. This biological makeup reveals the immutability of our God who is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Women, however, are wired to be sexually complex. Because of hormonal cycles throughout the month and throughout a lifetime, stimuli can be arousing one day and a sexual shut-down the next. This biological makeup reveals the mystery and complexity if God. We can know Him more and more intimately every day, never fully understanding His mystery.
So there you go. Gender is a sore topic for me, but I'll stand on that one, and love it too. Men reveal the predictability of God and women reveal His complexity. Since I'm touchy on this subject, let me assure everyone that this is not necessarily universal. I'm sure exceptions exist, and I don't think they are any less loved by God. But I'll put my stake on something biological and reflexive as wired into us by God before cultural and familial cues any day.
No comments:
Post a Comment