Brush Your Teeth

Have I ever talked about Ketan and teeth brushing?  Because it is the worst, but last night we had a hilarious breakthrough.

Basically, whenever I stay late on Friday or Saturday nights, the kids zonk out watching TV, and by the time we go upstairs to go to bed, they fight not to brush their teeth.  And it is AWFUL.

The first time this happened, Ketan collapsed on the foot stool by the sink, "pretending" to be asleep.  I honestly don't know whether he sleepwalking or faking or slipping in and out of consciousness.  I tried every form of persuasion to get him to brush his teeth, but he just cried and screamed.  The kid is nine.  This is not normal for him.  Eventually I became so flustered that I just carried him to bed.

After that I took precautions, making sure they were entirely ready for bed before we crashed in front of the television.  Until one time I didn't.

Ketan was plenty awake when we had to turn off the TV, but as soon as we got upstairs and walked past the bathroom, he complained his legs hurt so he was going to lie down.  I grabbed his collar and redirected him to the sink.  He sat and cried.  HIS LEGS HURT, why couldn't I see that?  So I mentally rolled my eyes and told him I was perfectly willing to stand there with him until his legs stopped hurting and he was able to brush his teeth.  Five minutes later, he was still complaining, and I was trying to point out that brushing teeth only involves a person's hands and face.  Not legs.  It was probably safe to go ahead.  But no.  Five minutes later, I was royally pissed.  I don't get angry very often as a rule, and these kids are generally great.  It's just these two freaking teeth brushing incidents that infuriate me.

Finally I said I would just brush his teeth for him.  He resisted, but when I said he could just hold his mouth open for a minute and then go to bed, he let me brush his teeth.  Which was awful, because I've never brushed someone else's teeth!  So I'm fumbling around, weirdly scrabbling at his teeth with his toothbrush.  And then I aggressively run over his loose tooth, and he shrieks, spitting blood into the sink and yelling at me for hurting him.  I apologized and pointed out that he could have brushed his own teeth, but honestly I was so angry (and a little guilty) I just pointed toward his bed and ran downstairs to decompress.

Fifteen minutes later he was STILL crying in bed, and he called for me.  I trudged up the stairs.  Turns out his legs still hurt, and he genuinely had a charlie horse.  So I sat with him and rubbed his calves.  He asked me to stay with him, which, ugh.  The bastard, playing with my emotions.  It worked though, I felt compassionate for him, so I explained that he has every right to feel pain and get upset.  It's just that he also has to brush his teeth, and it's really confusing and upsetting for me to be with him like that, because normally he's so obedient and kind.  It was a really lovely moment, especially because he fell asleep.

Last night concludes our saga (UGH I HOPE).  We watched TV, I forgot to make them brush their teeth, so I cheerily reminded them of this fact as we walked up the stairs.  Ketan bypassed the bathroom to collapse on his bed, so I grabbed his legs and said,

Me:  Nope.  You've got to brush your teeth first.
Ketan:  I don't want to.
Me:  I know, but you have to.  Please don't fight me on this.  I absolutely hate fighting with you about brushing your teeth.
Ketan:  Why?  Because I win?
Me:  No.  Because I will win, but it will take a lot out of me.
Ketan:  ...
Ketan:  Will you drag me to the bathroom?
Me:  Sure.

So Ketan flopped to the ground, held out his arms, and I dragged him down the hall to the bathroom, both of us giggling.  He brushed his teeth, went to bed, and it was wonderful.

Lessons I've learned:  Be honest.  Tell kids when things are hard for you, but don't acquiesce authority.  Also, add whimsy.  If someone wants to be dragged on the floor, do it.  It's fun for everyone.