I'm reading a book called The Christian Atheist, about people who believe in God but live as if He doesn't exist. It's quite good, if not mind blowing. But I got to a chapter about how people kind of give up on pursuing God because they don't believe that He loves them.
That resonated with me a little, but I quickly assured myself that of course God loves me. I've read Tozer. God is love, and God's attributes are constant. But then this author went into a paragraph that included this mental process: "We helped someone in need. He loves me. We walked past a person in need. He loves me not."
Hold up. That's my thought process, deep under any thoughts I would admit to or even realize. But there it is--I've bought into legalism, the idea that God is happier with me when I am doing good things, leading Bible studies, confessing sins, and conversing with people I wouldn't normally talk to.
The funny thing is that I should have realized legalism is death. I feel nothing! No matter how many church activities I've gotten involved in these past two years, I still feel so far from God. I feel like an employee who phones in to her boss on a project's progress, not like a beloved daughter sharing life with her daddy.
What's the answer to defeating legalism? I don't know. I don't think doing the opposite of good things is going to help anything.
Right now I'm thinking that a big life shake up might really be what I need. God and I are quite aware that I pay more attention to Him when I'm out of my comfort zone.
The question is, at the end of that big life shake up, when you're back in your comfort zone, would you revert back to where you are now? Hopefully, the answer will be/would be no.
ReplyDelete"Of course God loves me. I've read Tozer."
ReplyDeleteI want to take that phrase entirely out of context and insist that the one is dependent on the other. We'll build an entire Tozer cult around the idea :-P