Dallas Theological Seminary

When I visited Liz in Dallas for New Year's, I had a blast!  I loved living with someone my own age, making dinner, staying up late to watch movies, and going for walks and talks around a metropolitan city.  Especially those talks.  I dearly love my friends in Peoria, and I appreciate getting to see people in other stages of life, to either think back on what I did or to look forward to what might be coming my way.  However, it is very nice in life to have people in your same life stage to talk to, complain to, rave with, and fantasize with. 

Liz and I hung out with many single people.  Who were older than me.  I thought my heart would burst from the realization that I am not broken or malformed or somehow horrendously unattractive.  Not everyone in the world has a significant other!  My branch of Peoria is just weird for the chronic coupleness.  And then I got over thinking about myself and had so much fun.

The key difference between people like me and people in relationships is the outlook on life.  I am free!  I can move across the world and put myself in weird situations and maybe even die, and no one is worse because of it.  Sure, some people will be sad.  But it's not like leaving a spouse or kids behind.  Young single Christians have this intoxicating "I can change the world and see the world and change myself!" attitude that I have sorely missed.

It's little wonder that as Liz drove me to the airport, I mentioned wanting to move to Dallas.

But that was a pipe dream, right?  I thought about it, then put it aside.

Until several people started saying how weird it was that I haven't gone back to graduate school yet.  I scoffed at first, because what would I go to graduate school for?  The only thing I've ever been interested in is relationship or missionary counseling, but I'd long ago decided I had to wait and wait and wait to study counseling.

Who am I to counsel missionaries if I haven't been on the field for several years?  Who am I to counsel families if I haven't been married myself?  As I thought through these questions once more, I realized how stupid they are.  I will never be able to experience everything that a client might come in to talk about (nor do I necessarily want to).  The point is to meet people where they are with the knowledge I have, whether or not I've experienced it personally.

There's one excuse down.

I kept thinking about these two girls I met in Dallas.  One wanted to be a missionary, but wasn't able to go overseas yet.  She decided to move to Dallas and go to seminary 1) to get theological training and 2) to start pushing herself outside her comfort zone in preparation of living in a foreign culture internationally.  The other girl was studying counseling, had lived in Turkey, and was a mirror of what I might become.

So I looked into getting a Master's of Biblical Counseling at Dallas Theological Seminary (DTS).  I applied, I cancelled the apartment with Laura, and I've just found out that I was accepted.

Yay!  Right?  Except now I'm doubting.  I have a lovely life in Peoria.  Why would I want to leave Woodland and all the friends I have there?

For one, I think that yes, I do have a great present in Peoria.  But do I have a great future?  Doubtful.  Working as a librarian has been super fun, but it's not something I want to do forever.  And it's not like there are any other jobs in Peoria enticing me.  As for friends, they are graduating from high school or college, getting married, and having kids.  They're on a different life path than I am.  Eventually (if I'm not already) I will be the weird third wheel who doesn't fit in and is always accutely aware of her differences, even if no one else cares.

For another, I suck at clinging to God when I'm comfortable.  Living at home, going to church where everyone knows my name and gladly lets me serve?  So easy to be complacent.  I'm even leading a Bible study on spiritual revival, and I suck.  I'm reading it, thinking "ooo that's so good!" and not caring.  I'm following through on suggestions, confessing sins and cutting things out of my life, and I'm not caring.  I have become a service monster, someone who does all the right things and says all the right things, but doesn't have an intimate relationship with the Person who is being served.

I've tried for two years to escape that, but the only way I can figure to make a real difference is to get outside my comfort zone.  Undoubtedly there are more ways to be uncomfortable than to move to another city with very few friends.  But also, that is definitely a way to be uncomfortable.

Then again, uncomfortable??  Why would I ever do that to myself?  I love being comfortable!

And school?  The average age at DTS is 33.  Now, I'm sick and tired of feeling super old.  But I'm also not dying to be the baby again.  Especially when it means being a baby with a bunch of older, more experienced people at school who will be so much smarter and more intimidating than me.

Already this blog post is enormously long.  I could argue back and forth for at least twenty more pages, but I'm going to cut this short.

I've been accepted to DTS to begin my Master's in Fall 2012.  Should I go?  I DON'T EVEN KNOW.