A woman I love and respect questioned me about how it seemed like my decision to move to Dallas came up extremely quickly. Which is a totally reasonable opinion, since I haven't talked about this process at all until just now. In her words, "It's like you went to Dallas and thought, 'Ooo! Pink! I love pink! I'll move here!'" After explaining my story, she changed her sentiment to, "So you've been looking for pink for awhile, and then you saw it and jumped at it." Which, yes. Here's that story.
In January of 2009, I was walking through the halls of Marmara College in Istanbul with my friend Chris. We were discussing psychology and sociology, and he said that the only counseling he would want to do would be family counseling. I had never thought of that, and only knew I didn't want to be an abnormal psychologist. Germ of an idea began.
I learned that there were these things called missionary counselors, who travel around and work with missionaries on the field. That sounded super awesome amazing.
I moved to Senegal. I left Senegal. On the shuttle that took me from the Dakar airport to the plane, I happened to be standing next to a white woman with a cross necklace. I asked if she was a missionary, and she said she was a missionary counselor! I freaked out and asked her a bunch of questions.
Then I was overwhelmed. How could I be a missionary counselor without being a career missionary first? And how could I counsel families without having a family of my own?
I settled in Peoria and looked into various missions organizations. Some of you might remember the angst I went through the summer of 2010. Some people counseled me to just pick something and go, but I felt like God was telling me to wait. Unhappily, I did.
God threw a library job in my lap, and it taught me to take charge, to have opinions, to plan events, to communicate with kids, to gain a lot of confidence in my talents. And God threw multiple service opportunities into my lap at Woodland. I started teaching classes, and I led Bible studies for people of all ages. My confidence continued to grow, and I learned to be comfortable sharing my opinions.
For the last two years, I have prayed for God to show me the next step in life.
Various opportunities surfaced. Doba suggested I move to Mongolia and teach English. That was tempting, but it didn't click. My boss suggested I get a Master's in Library Science and succeed her as director. Tempting, but no click.
Then I visited Liz in Dallas, and everything clicked.
On the way to the airport, I told Liz, "I think I want to move to Dallas." She shrieked, but we agreed to wait and not act on impulse. Honestly, I figured it would fade when I got to Peoria.
But then several people asked why I weren't in grad school. I realized that my worried about not experiencing a career as a missionary or having a family were a bit like an excuse--as a counselor, I would never be able to experience everything my clients brought before me. When I looked further into DTS, I loved it. With every step I took--cancelling my apartment listing in Peoria, applying to DTS--I prayed and asked God to shut the door if this wasn't His will.
I was accepted into DTS, and in turn, I accepted that God would be with me in this scary new step.
THIS IS AWESOME.
First, because it makes sense of my time in Peoria. I have largely felt like my time here has been useless. Was I growing? Was I avoiding something God wanted me to do? Turns out, in that sneaky subtle way God has, he was preparing me exactly for this: My new-found confidence is exactly what I will need in Master's level work and in counseling.
Second, because I still have no idea what I'll do with my life. And I like it that way. God has hit me over the head with the idea that I don't get to see a ten-year plan. All I get to do is live with whatever He gives me until He gives me something else. It's scary, living with trust that God will show me the next step whenever He wants to. But it's so awesome! It makes God so much more evident in my life. I love waiting for Him to point me in the right direction. I love being able to say that God drops things in my lap. I have no doubt that He has been guiding me--to Union, to Turkey, to Senegal, to Peoria, and now to Dallas.
But even though I don't know what will happen in three years, it's cool to see that God is leading me further down a lot of paths that He's brought to my attention. I've long been intrigued by counseling. Maybe in the States, maybe overseas. I've also been intrigued by missionary work. To be a career missionary, most organizations require you to go to seminary. Lots of birds being killed by one stone!
I don't know where this will lead me, but I know that God has led me here.
He was awesome in the waiting, though I was not. And now in a new time of change, I'm so grateful to see that He never gave up on me. He was preparing me, and now it's time.
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