I'm going to cheat and include yesterday in today, because the event that was awesome came after I fell asleep. Next thing I know my phone is in my hand and Liz is saying, "OH MY GOSH GUESS WHAT!?" I must have responded groggily, because she then asked, "Did I wake you up?
I rolled over to look at my alarm clock. 11:30. I didn't remember falling asleep, and I didn't remember answering my phone. "I...don't know!?"
"How can you not know?"
"I just don't! What time--? Was I asleep??" This was mentally straining, so I pretended it didn't matter. She went on to tell me that a friend of hers had totally hiked Mount Hood with none other than Donald Miller and had then stayed the night at his house! What what!
Also we talked about how funny it is that Holly wanted a boy and a family FIERCELY for two years, and now she has one. We both admitted that we were jealous of her getting the desire of her heart, then laughed that obviously we didn't have our boys because the desires of our hearts are not singular and consistent.
Because really, how is God supposed to give me the desires of my heart when it goes something like, "I WANT A BOY! No, I want freedom! And traveling! And meaning and purpose and adventure! And a boy! Ugh, no, boys just lead to heartache and struggle. But they're worth it! Nope, much easier to just be alone and happy!"
God probably rolls his eyes at me a lot.
Then today (by normal definitions of 'today'), I worked at the library with Marianne, who is my favorite desk partner. We talked about Mongolia and materialism and bank accounts. Good stuff. Also I snagged Tangled when it came in, which I then took over to the Monahans.
Dunno if I talked about this the first time I watched Tangled, but that movie is mega awesome. So cute, so funny! Disney at its finest (after Lion King, of course). And then Tangled turned into Holes which turned into Casino Royale. I ended up spending over eight hours at their house instead of two, which is always a good time trade. I even got to cuddle with Abby, punch David, and chat with Wendy to boot.
To boot. What a weird phrase.
I hadn't made any official plans this weekend and it turned out lovely. It's nice when that happens.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
Eye Doctors and Social Awkwardness
If you know me, you know that I am...awkward around people. Sure, sometimes I can be social, but those are the exceptions to the rule. When left to my most basic personality, I am awkward.
Like today when I went to the eye doctor. Let it be known that, from the safety of my home, I will say that the eye doctor is my favorite health service. For some reason I never remember that getting my eyes checked is really a specialized form of mental torture.
A new guy took me in for pre-consultation tests. I assume he was new because he said, "I don't normally do this, but since you're waiting..." Not a good sign. I was chatty and friendly until the table rotated and a machine was in front of me. I knew it wasn't the machine of death, but as I put my chin in the indentation and leaned my forehead against the prongs, my heart rate spiked and sweat seeped from probably every pore.
I counted every second of freedom until the machine of death. You know the one. The one that shoots puffs of air into your eyeball. I don't know why, but I am deathly afraid of that machine. Which is unfortunate, because it measures eye pressure, which only increases when you're afraid. So the numbers were high, which meant he had to do it again because they were abnormal! Also he was new and slightly incompetent, so altogether I had to suffer through seven eye puffs. That doesn't even account for the part that really drives me batty, which is staring into the light, waiting, and trying to keep my eyes wide, but unable to stop myself from blinking erratically, which only makes him unable to do the test, which makes me wait longer, which makes me MORE CRAZY. Times seven.
That might not sound traumatizing, but my facade of cheer was completely gone. He even asked, incredulously, "Are you nervous or something?" to which I stuttered, "I just...don't...I really hate this! Something must have happened when I was a kid! Doesn't everyone react this way? Are you saying I'm stupid for being so afraid of an eye puff!?!"
And then that fear generalized to all the machines which necessitate putting your face against them, which I'll just let you know, is all of them.
He was really nice about it all. And that is when I saw my social awkwardness. He was totally chill and friendly, telling me stories about rude ladies demanding glasses. And I just sat there, nodding, and glancing away until he shut up and left. Then I pulled out my book and made sure everyone knew I was busy so they wouldn't talk to me. Another patient walked by and I glanced up to smile (so she knew I was friendly) but then completely negated that by staring at everything in the room but her.
I don't make eye contact. I don't engage strangers in conversation. I much prefer to be left alone.
"So why are you going to be a missionary?" you might ask.
I would respond by saying, "I don't know! That's what I kept telling God when He told me to do it, but He didn't seem to think it was a big deal."
And then I read this post of Donald Miller's about the biblical characteristics of a disciple, and I felt so much better. God doesn't want perfect people. He wants to use the weak to shame the strong and the fools to shame the wise. And y'all, I'm terrified of eye puffs and I can't interact with strangers like a social human being. Guess that's why God has me on His list.
Like today when I went to the eye doctor. Let it be known that, from the safety of my home, I will say that the eye doctor is my favorite health service. For some reason I never remember that getting my eyes checked is really a specialized form of mental torture.
A new guy took me in for pre-consultation tests. I assume he was new because he said, "I don't normally do this, but since you're waiting..." Not a good sign. I was chatty and friendly until the table rotated and a machine was in front of me. I knew it wasn't the machine of death, but as I put my chin in the indentation and leaned my forehead against the prongs, my heart rate spiked and sweat seeped from probably every pore.
I counted every second of freedom until the machine of death. You know the one. The one that shoots puffs of air into your eyeball. I don't know why, but I am deathly afraid of that machine. Which is unfortunate, because it measures eye pressure, which only increases when you're afraid. So the numbers were high, which meant he had to do it again because they were abnormal! Also he was new and slightly incompetent, so altogether I had to suffer through seven eye puffs. That doesn't even account for the part that really drives me batty, which is staring into the light, waiting, and trying to keep my eyes wide, but unable to stop myself from blinking erratically, which only makes him unable to do the test, which makes me wait longer, which makes me MORE CRAZY. Times seven.
That might not sound traumatizing, but my facade of cheer was completely gone. He even asked, incredulously, "Are you nervous or something?" to which I stuttered, "I just...don't...I really hate this! Something must have happened when I was a kid! Doesn't everyone react this way? Are you saying I'm stupid for being so afraid of an eye puff!?!"
And then that fear generalized to all the machines which necessitate putting your face against them, which I'll just let you know, is all of them.
He was really nice about it all. And that is when I saw my social awkwardness. He was totally chill and friendly, telling me stories about rude ladies demanding glasses. And I just sat there, nodding, and glancing away until he shut up and left. Then I pulled out my book and made sure everyone knew I was busy so they wouldn't talk to me. Another patient walked by and I glanced up to smile (so she knew I was friendly) but then completely negated that by staring at everything in the room but her.
I don't make eye contact. I don't engage strangers in conversation. I much prefer to be left alone.
"So why are you going to be a missionary?" you might ask.
I would respond by saying, "I don't know! That's what I kept telling God when He told me to do it, but He didn't seem to think it was a big deal."
And then I read this post of Donald Miller's about the biblical characteristics of a disciple, and I felt so much better. God doesn't want perfect people. He wants to use the weak to shame the strong and the fools to shame the wise. And y'all, I'm terrified of eye puffs and I can't interact with strangers like a social human being. Guess that's why God has me on His list.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Persephone and Hades
....I love when I read something and think, "YES EXACTLY. You have stolen my thoughts and put them on the interwebs as your own. Can we be BFFs?"
Little known fact (or maybe everyone knows this about me, but I doubt it): My favorite Greek mythology story is the one in which Hades loves and steal Persephone. Epic love. I even read the junior high version of it in the Goddess Girls series. Anyway, Meg Cabot is coming out with a new book called Abandon, and it's a retelling of the story. Forever Young Adult, my favorite book blog (because it's more adult than young, which makes it awesome, and also makes me feel less juvenile), reviewed the book. And said this:
"Big ups for the myth of Persephone! I’m pretty sure I am not the only quasi-goth here who was OBSESSED with the myth of Persephone in junior high and high school and favored it over most, if not all, of the other Greek myths. I mean, it was just so cool! She gets stolen! To the Underworld! And her mom laments and causes eternal winter! But then Hades strikes a deal with Zeus and returns he Persephone for most of the year but keeps her down in the Underworld for one season a year and that’s why it snows, boys and girls. The snow is Demeter’s ICE TEARS, Y’ALL.
And even though, looking back, it is, you know, not exactly a great myth to favor, considering Persephone is abducted, raped, and finally tricked into staying in the Underworld, and I’m not entirely sure why I love it as much as I do, it’s still a favorite of mine. What I like about Abandon is that it takes care to mention that, you know, a guy abducting you and forcing you to live in his underground lair is NOT OKAY, even if the swoonometer is at 7.
Also, am I the only person who still pauses before eating pomegranate seeds and thinks, “um, where were these sourced? ARE THEY FROM THE UNDERWORLD? Oh. Arizona? Nope, still too close for comfort. PASS.”
Oh my word, why can't I be clever and hilarious like that? I think those thoughts! Why do I not have the words to say them? So much fun!
ADDED:
Bah! And then I scrolled down and read more awesomeness. Must share, because now I'm commmitted:
"So, one of my Most Awesome Skills is my ability to forget something, five minutes after it’s told to me. This is a totally useful skill to have, because it allows me to reread books and rewatch movies ENDLESSLY. Because after about three months I’ve forgotten everything but the main parts!
UNFORTCH, this also means that when someone says something, like, I don’t know, “I’m coming out with a new trilogy! The first book will be called Abandon!” what my brain hears is “I’ve got a book called Abandon coming out! Let’s order another martini!” So then I read Abandon and got about halfway through and had that sinking feeling – you know the one, it’s similar to the one you get when you start baking something and realize that you’re missing ONE ingredient and either have to go to the store or scrap your entire batter – the “OH SHIT THIS IS A TRILOGY!” feeling. You know what happens in the first book of a trilogy? NOT SEX OR PLOT RESOLUTION, I’ll tell you that! I mean, sure, trilogies are awesomesauce. WHEN THEY ARE COMPLETE. Can you imagine what would have happened if George Lucas had decided not to finish his Star Wars trilogy and just left it at A New Hope? We would be shipping Luke and Leah and we would have never met Lando Calrissian, the smoothest mofo in the galaxy! And what about The Godfather? What if The Godfather Trilogy had ended with Godfather I? A nation’s people might never have learned about the crushing despair that comes from watching a once-brilliant film franchise decline into two hours of Sofia Coppola screeching!
I mean, don’t get me wrong. I am SUPER GLAD I’ll be spending two more books with Pierce and John and the assorted cast of Isla Huesos. I am just having to fight the urge to keep Meg Cabot locked in a plastic bubble until the next two books are finished."
BAHAHAHAHAHA.
Little known fact (or maybe everyone knows this about me, but I doubt it): My favorite Greek mythology story is the one in which Hades loves and steal Persephone. Epic love. I even read the junior high version of it in the Goddess Girls series. Anyway, Meg Cabot is coming out with a new book called Abandon, and it's a retelling of the story. Forever Young Adult, my favorite book blog (because it's more adult than young, which makes it awesome, and also makes me feel less juvenile), reviewed the book. And said this:
"Big ups for the myth of Persephone! I’m pretty sure I am not the only quasi-goth here who was OBSESSED with the myth of Persephone in junior high and high school and favored it over most, if not all, of the other Greek myths. I mean, it was just so cool! She gets stolen! To the Underworld! And her mom laments and causes eternal winter! But then Hades strikes a deal with Zeus and returns he Persephone for most of the year but keeps her down in the Underworld for one season a year and that’s why it snows, boys and girls. The snow is Demeter’s ICE TEARS, Y’ALL.
And even though, looking back, it is, you know, not exactly a great myth to favor, considering Persephone is abducted, raped, and finally tricked into staying in the Underworld, and I’m not entirely sure why I love it as much as I do, it’s still a favorite of mine. What I like about Abandon is that it takes care to mention that, you know, a guy abducting you and forcing you to live in his underground lair is NOT OKAY, even if the swoonometer is at 7.
Also, am I the only person who still pauses before eating pomegranate seeds and thinks, “um, where were these sourced? ARE THEY FROM THE UNDERWORLD? Oh. Arizona? Nope, still too close for comfort. PASS.”
Oh my word, why can't I be clever and hilarious like that? I think those thoughts! Why do I not have the words to say them? So much fun!
ADDED:
Bah! And then I scrolled down and read more awesomeness. Must share, because now I'm commmitted:
"So, one of my Most Awesome Skills is my ability to forget something, five minutes after it’s told to me. This is a totally useful skill to have, because it allows me to reread books and rewatch movies ENDLESSLY. Because after about three months I’ve forgotten everything but the main parts!
UNFORTCH, this also means that when someone says something, like, I don’t know, “I’m coming out with a new trilogy! The first book will be called Abandon!” what my brain hears is “I’ve got a book called Abandon coming out! Let’s order another martini!” So then I read Abandon and got about halfway through and had that sinking feeling – you know the one, it’s similar to the one you get when you start baking something and realize that you’re missing ONE ingredient and either have to go to the store or scrap your entire batter – the “OH SHIT THIS IS A TRILOGY!” feeling. You know what happens in the first book of a trilogy? NOT SEX OR PLOT RESOLUTION, I’ll tell you that! I mean, sure, trilogies are awesomesauce. WHEN THEY ARE COMPLETE. Can you imagine what would have happened if George Lucas had decided not to finish his Star Wars trilogy and just left it at A New Hope? We would be shipping Luke and Leah and we would have never met Lando Calrissian, the smoothest mofo in the galaxy! And what about The Godfather? What if The Godfather Trilogy had ended with Godfather I? A nation’s people might never have learned about the crushing despair that comes from watching a once-brilliant film franchise decline into two hours of Sofia Coppola screeching!
I mean, don’t get me wrong. I am SUPER GLAD I’ll be spending two more books with Pierce and John and the assorted cast of Isla Huesos. I am just having to fight the urge to keep Meg Cabot locked in a plastic bubble until the next two books are finished."
BAHAHAHAHAHA.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Nice Things
At the library today, I bonded with this kid who has yet to make it through an entire half hour story time. While I was getting things ready and going between the meeting room and my office, I must have tricked him into thinking it was time to start. He looked up at me with serious eyes and said, "I'm not ready yet."
I responded, "Good, because I'm not either!" He blinked, unsure why I was agreeing with him.
Five minutes later I returned and said, "I'm ready now. Are you!?" With added over-the-top enthusiasm as per usual. (I wanted to say uzsh, use, ushz...and that was my problem.)
We sat down and everyone introduced themselves. Turns out it was this kid's birthday, so I asked what he was doing.
"I'msmefh Chuckie Cheese. ... Do you want to come to my birthday?"
*heartmelt*
(His grandma apparently also heartmelted, because she covered her mouth, squinched her eyes, and threw back her head to the heavens. I was less obvious. I think.)
So that was that. Then I gave library tours to three different 2nd grade classes. After the second, one girl came up to me and asked, "Are you a hugger?"
Suspecting this was a trick question, I haltingly answered, "Yeees."
She hugged me.
And THAT was that.
Then tonight I was listening to "Far Away" by Ingrid Michaelson, and I had a truly awesome creative idea. I really hope I have the drive to finish it, but I have already spent two hours working on it after church, so I've got to call it quits. I'm also only 1% done, so....we'll see how this goes. But I really want to do it! It looks so awesome in my head.
I responded, "Good, because I'm not either!" He blinked, unsure why I was agreeing with him.
Five minutes later I returned and said, "I'm ready now. Are you!?" With added over-the-top enthusiasm as per usual. (I wanted to say uzsh, use, ushz...and that was my problem.)
We sat down and everyone introduced themselves. Turns out it was this kid's birthday, so I asked what he was doing.
"I'msmefh Chuckie Cheese. ... Do you want to come to my birthday?"
*heartmelt*
(His grandma apparently also heartmelted, because she covered her mouth, squinched her eyes, and threw back her head to the heavens. I was less obvious. I think.)
So that was that. Then I gave library tours to three different 2nd grade classes. After the second, one girl came up to me and asked, "Are you a hugger?"
Suspecting this was a trick question, I haltingly answered, "Yeees."
She hugged me.
And THAT was that.
Then tonight I was listening to "Far Away" by Ingrid Michaelson, and I had a truly awesome creative idea. I really hope I have the drive to finish it, but I have already spent two hours working on it after church, so I've got to call it quits. I'm also only 1% done, so....we'll see how this goes. But I really want to do it! It looks so awesome in my head.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Result
I'm not up to 50% missions/50% me, but I did make a move in that direction. I decided to sponsor another child, and when I searched WorldVision's website, I saw that children from Senegal were listed. I searched for eight-year-olds, and prayed that God would help me choose. I wanted a girl named Siga, and there was one--whose favorite school subject is reading!
So now Siga from Senegal and Melengo from Tanzania are my spiritual children, and of course of course this is the best way I can possibly spend my money.
(Sidenote: When you decide to sponsor a child, you get taken to WorldVision's shopping cart, where you purchase that sponsorship. UGH that just elicited a horrific disgusting feeling, but...I'm not buying Siga. I'm sending my abundance to fill her need. They just really need to rework their website, kthx.)
So now Siga from Senegal and Melengo from Tanzania are my spiritual children, and of course of course this is the best way I can possibly spend my money.
(Sidenote: When you decide to sponsor a child, you get taken to WorldVision's shopping cart, where you purchase that sponsorship. UGH that just elicited a horrific disgusting feeling, but...I'm not buying Siga. I'm sending my abundance to fill her need. They just really need to rework their website, kthx.)
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Weekend at Judson
Garmin took me through backroads to get to Judson University, but I didn't mind because I was listening to White Cat (an awesome book by Holly Black) read by Jesse Eisenberg, whose voice is just....*sigh*.
Emily and I sat around her fantastically decorated and shelved dorm room, catching up on life and forming a plan of attack. We ended up going to Woodfield Mall, where we wandered through stores while we talked about our obsession with stuff and trying to avoid that. Needless to say, we didn't actually buy anything. We ate dinner at Ruby Tuesday and discussed...everything! I felt like I was in a state of verbal explosion most of the night, but I just really needed someone with whom I could be honest and angry and vulnerable and frustrated and happy. AKA a friend. So that was nice.
We met up with Joe at a commons (where I had flashbacks to little music camp back in the day), and we talked about missions (which mostly went: Joe-So I want to go overseas-- Me: YES YES YES DO THAT!) and played cards until midnight.
Sleeping on the floor was painful.
Emily woke me up and said Joel was in the hospital, which was a different kind of painful.
Joe came with us to Geneva/St. Charles. While we were filling up the car with gas, Emily got a call with details of Joel's procedure. We immediately prayed together, and I was incredibly grateful for friends who do that.
We went to a shop that Wendy had said I would like. Because it was supposed to be "me" I was, of course, skeptical. But no, she was right. Everything was adorable and creative and fantastic. Also expensive. I ended up getting a pin that says, "add mirth and real enjoyment to life's requirements" because it was only $1.
Then we crossed the street to check out an adorable rambling bookstore. Emily got another call saying everything had gone well, so things were lighter and happier after that. We ate at a cafe attached to the bookstore, and I had such a fantastic time hanging out with Emily and Joe. We've never done anything just the three of us, and I am pleased to add them to the list of couples who do not make me feel like a third wheel.
On our way back to campus, Joe wanted me to see the rich houses near their church. I said sure, but was secretly thinking he was making a big deal out of some silly mini-mansions. NO. We pulled off a normal street into a neighborhood and my eyes went 0_o. These were the hugest, most ridiculous houses I've ever seen. They looked like they belonged in British movies with Darcy or Earnest. We awed and critiqued and admired and gaped. Also we drove through one driveway because we are so bad-a.
After gathering our things from the dorm, we all headed back to Peoria. I got lost because I tried to follow Emily's directions instead of Garmin, the combination of which made me stupid (like that's hard when it comes to directions). But I was still listening to Jesse Eisenberg's awesome voice telling an awesome story, so I didn't care at all.
Emily and I sat around her fantastically decorated and shelved dorm room, catching up on life and forming a plan of attack. We ended up going to Woodfield Mall, where we wandered through stores while we talked about our obsession with stuff and trying to avoid that. Needless to say, we didn't actually buy anything. We ate dinner at Ruby Tuesday and discussed...everything! I felt like I was in a state of verbal explosion most of the night, but I just really needed someone with whom I could be honest and angry and vulnerable and frustrated and happy. AKA a friend. So that was nice.
We met up with Joe at a commons (where I had flashbacks to little music camp back in the day), and we talked about missions (which mostly went: Joe-So I want to go overseas-- Me: YES YES YES DO THAT!) and played cards until midnight.
Sleeping on the floor was painful.
Emily woke me up and said Joel was in the hospital, which was a different kind of painful.
Joe came with us to Geneva/St. Charles. While we were filling up the car with gas, Emily got a call with details of Joel's procedure. We immediately prayed together, and I was incredibly grateful for friends who do that.
We went to a shop that Wendy had said I would like. Because it was supposed to be "me" I was, of course, skeptical. But no, she was right. Everything was adorable and creative and fantastic. Also expensive. I ended up getting a pin that says, "add mirth and real enjoyment to life's requirements" because it was only $1.
Then we crossed the street to check out an adorable rambling bookstore. Emily got another call saying everything had gone well, so things were lighter and happier after that. We ate at a cafe attached to the bookstore, and I had such a fantastic time hanging out with Emily and Joe. We've never done anything just the three of us, and I am pleased to add them to the list of couples who do not make me feel like a third wheel.
On our way back to campus, Joe wanted me to see the rich houses near their church. I said sure, but was secretly thinking he was making a big deal out of some silly mini-mansions. NO. We pulled off a normal street into a neighborhood and my eyes went 0_o. These were the hugest, most ridiculous houses I've ever seen. They looked like they belonged in British movies with Darcy or Earnest. We awed and critiqued and admired and gaped. Also we drove through one driveway because we are so bad-a.
After gathering our things from the dorm, we all headed back to Peoria. I got lost because I tried to follow Emily's directions instead of Garmin, the combination of which made me stupid (like that's hard when it comes to directions). But I was still listening to Jesse Eisenberg's awesome voice telling an awesome story, so I didn't care at all.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Sushi!
I went out to eat with Michelle and Lacie, two Dunlap friends, at a sushi place near Bradley. None of us had ever been there, but it turned out to be fantastic! I was a bit worried, because the last time I ate sushi, I spent the night puking my guts out in the Dakar guest house's toilet. Thankfully, I think I have avoided food aversion!
One of my favorite things about sushi is that it's so easily sharable. Everyone gets a different roll, then trades with each other. But my new favorite thing is when the chef sends out dessert free of charge! We each got a hollowed out orange filled with orange slices, chocolate, and cinnamon. Oh my word delicious. And they were each decorated beautifully.
I need to eat out with cute 20s girls more often. Free food rocks.
One of my favorite things about sushi is that it's so easily sharable. Everyone gets a different roll, then trades with each other. But my new favorite thing is when the chef sends out dessert free of charge! We each got a hollowed out orange filled with orange slices, chocolate, and cinnamon. Oh my word delicious. And they were each decorated beautifully.
I need to eat out with cute 20s girls more often. Free food rocks.
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