Too Close

There are times in my life when something is said that, though not pointed in and of itself, strikes right at my core.  On our roadtrip, I rehashed boy things with Liz, and talked about how so often I live in a fantasy world of "what ifs" and daydreams.  Then we listened to this really excellent song that included the lyrics:

"We are the reckless/ We are the wild youth/ Chasing visions of our futures"

I yelled, "NO.  That hits too close to home!" at my car stereo.

Today I was once again rehashing boy things with Liz.  This time she said something about how maybe there was selfishness inherent in my desire, just kind of in passing, and she kept on listing possibilities.  But I stopped, and when she breathed I said, "No no no.  You're right.  Oh my gosh.  I'm being selfish."

She backpedaled and said of course I wasn't, but the (positive) damage was done.

I try to be a pretty self-aware person, so it's weird when someone else speaks truth into my life about myself.  But it's good.  It makes me realize I am a mystery even unto myself, that there are depths to be explored and hidden motivations.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made, basically, so much more complicated than I give myself credit for.