Tsogi broke up with Gany on Monday night, which is why we waited until Wednesday to hang out with the orphanage kids (for those too unaccustomed to heartache to understand, she wanted a day to grieve). The kids provided a distraction, but now that we're back in UB, I think depression is setting in. And what better way to deal with boy pain than to hang out with your best friends?
As such, I have been abandoned as she and Anya go off to have a sleepover and a picnic tomorrow, to avoid him or the talk of him at church. I say abandoned with all forgiveness, because I can't think of anything worse than discussing your pain with your friends, then having to say it all over again to translate for your USian friend.
But it's all gotten me thinking. Gany and Tsogi seemed perfectly happy to me. I was completely surprised when I found out he had dumped her, and then outraged when I found out why. Apparently he doesn't think she loves him because she doesn't cling to him and call him all the time. What the what? I know that Mongolian boys tend to be more sensitive than USian boys, and also he is three years younger than Gany. But really? Boys want that possessive emotionalism?
Regardless of whether he is unusual or the norm, this breakup is only solidifying my cynical side. That is unfortunate, because a week ago, the two of them were reawakening my natural romantic side. I had been thinking Romantic Thoughts and dreaming of Romantic Possibilities.
Now I don't know. On one hand, I'm kind of pissed at myself for being so commitment-phobic. I want so badly to adopt a kid, and honestly, I'm several years past able. You only have to 18. But I am terrified of dating someone, let alone marrying someone, let alone taking care of a kid. So I want to open myself up, I want to believe in lasting relationships. But then a relationship I admire falls apart, and I just sort of close down.
Maybe this is an overreaction based on people I've really only known for a couple weeks. But it's just one more reason on top of others. And yes, of course, there are couples I admire, but how do you guarantee you get one of those? Seems like you can never really be sure of the future, of yours or your partner's or your child's. And I hate not knowing things. So. I guess I just blunder on?
..
I was left to my own devices both Saturday and Sunday. Duma picked me up Sunday morning to take me to church; she was a translator for the Heart Project at the Pauil's a couple years ago.
The praise band was incredibly sparse--just Galaa on guitar and the main girl singer. I guess everyone else (including Tsogi) was avoiding church. This is why relationships in a group of friends can be disastrous!
However, church was mostly very awesome! Chatty Johnny's father saw me, and sent the adorable little kid to sit with me. He proceeded to point out that my shirt was pink, that he was drinking juice, and then whisper/slobber into my ear.
As cute as he is, it was very difficult to concentrate, and I wanted to, because Doug (who allowed Gany and I to hang out with his VA team on that horseback riding adventure) was preaching on missions. This is the second time I've heard someone talk about how Mongolians seem divinely prepared to be super missionaries--they are natural nomads, and they can easily get into blocked countries such as China, because they are internationally seen as peaceful herders. Doug encouraged them to conquer the world like their ancestor Chinngis Khan-- but to conquer with the love and life of Jesus rather than to destroy and rule.
It was all very awe- inspiring, and he's leading a four day conference for their church starting Tuesday. I hope I can convince Gany to go.* After the service was over, I was pleased to realize that I have friends! Without the safety of Gany around, I still managed to stay after church nearly an hour, talking with Galaa and the guy I think Gany wanted to set me up with (not Chinguun...my word, too many boys). Also I posed for pictures when I noticed a large crowd of youth not-so-sneakily being paparazzi. And I talked to Doug for awhile, and played with Johnny a bit!
This is a little bit like home, and I've only been here three weeks.
*Ack! Of course I can't go! I leave Tuesday night. Because my flight is so late, nearly Wednesday morning, I've been thinking Wednesday, which became Wednesday night in my head. Gany just corrected me, and now I have lost a whole day in UB!
From my perspective, all relationships have to be taken on faith. Cheryl did not know 26 years ago what she was getting or what kind of person I would be in 10, 20 or 30 years. (Boy, has she been surprised) Of course, I didn't know either, but my faith has been rewarded many times over. It's a commitment based on faith.
ReplyDeleteRelationships that last do so because both parties in the relationship are working hard and making sacrifices for each other to keep it alive. Finding your "soul mate" and living happily ever after without any effort on your part is extremely rare in real life. People change with time. I agree with Joel, we take our relationships on faith. The only thing I would add is that these also take hard work and sacrifice.
ReplyDeleteAn example would be the arranged marriages that prevail in some cultures. They may marry without having even met each other. But faith, hard work and sacrifice usually results in a long, happy marriage and family. Our Western culture puts way too much emphasis on love as a basis for marriage. Love needs to be there, sure, but it is not the major part. With only love as a basis for marriage, we end up with a divorce rate that is the wonder of the world.