It is Rebekah's second month living in South Africa, and I wrote to her that around that marker, I was going through the lowest of my Senegalese culture shock. Her monthly announcements are always very cheerful, so maybe that doesn't matter to her. But I think missionaries sometimes feel burdened to always be optimistic and happy, because people are supporting and praying for them, so how can they let them down by feeling bad?
Remembering my low point made me think of Liz's goodbye letter. It was epic, because in addition to calling Spike the sexiest man in all existence, she said one of her favorite memories was riding home on the moto when I remarked, "You know, I'm going to miss this place." She wrote that she was so happy Fatick had won me over.
When I went back in November, I was really pissed that the Woodland women were calling Fatick dirty and depressing. That was my home they were insulting! But then I remembered that I had felt the same way for a good two months. Fatick got inside me, changed my attitude, and became my home. It won me over.
I've been feeling kind of terrified about living overseas. Even though I'm not deliriously happy in Peoria, I have a lot of good things going for me. The thought of leaving it all can cause me to panic. But remembering the pain of living in Senegal, and then the joy of slowly coming to love this new and completely different place...it makes me excited for the next time I'll experience it. Life is pain, and life is overcoming pain, and life is finding joy and meaning in the pain.
If it takes a couple months of culture shock to discover a new world with a deeper understanding of God, then I'll take the pain of separation and confusion and nostalgia. It was worth it before, and I think it will be worth it again.
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