Little Bit of This and That

"They say you're really not somebody, until somebody else loves you.  Well, I am waiting to make somebody somebody soon."

Ingrid Michaelson, I get where you're coming from, and I know we're soulmates and all, but come on!  That is....so sad.  I refuse to believe it.  Even though you worded it so cleverly.

I like going out to lunch with friends, talking about eating placentas and drinking breastmilk while we eat our meals and drink our sodas.  Jake is gone again, which is weird because it seems normal when he's here.  Super jealous that he's going to Japan.  I just.  Really want to go.

Only a month until I visit Liz in Texas!  I am going to like, eat some dirt while there, or maybe just breathe the air?  I dunno what makes Texans so sure that their state is the best place on the planet, but I want in!  But maybe the Texans won't have me if I go around eating their beloved soil.

Rory is just about the most perfect thing in existence.  Except for his habit of waking me up at 6:30 by crawling up to my face, laying across my neck, and purring in my ear.  Adorable.  Until he bites my ear.  When I swat him away, he thinks we are playing a game, and gleefully pounces on my hand.  When I hide it under the covers, he resorts to chewing my hair.  What?!

A cat is kid enough for me.  At least, it is without a husband to say to, "Urgh, you deal with him/her this time."  Partnerships are a beautiful thing.

I want to be creative, to paint or draw or write, but I am paralyzed by too many options.  This is why school and I get along so well.  It forces me to do things with assignments and projects, and I grumble but secretly love it.  I need direction.

A couple days ago one of my college friends called me. He was one of those guys that I so admired, and we used to talk about theology and society and family. It had been a year since the last time he called, so we had a lot to catch up on. Still in awe of him, my life-story went like this.

"I'm still working at the library. I didn't expect to be there this long, but I like it! I'm really surprised how much I like it! I mean, I don't want to work there forever, but for now...its really fun. And I'm living with my parents, which is better than expected. I'm saving up money! That's always good! And they are nice. I have a cat...and....life is good!"

Do you hear the apologies in every sentence? Urgh, I did, but they kept coming out like that.

Then he proceeded to tell this horror story of health problems and culture shock and sacrifice, all laced with declarations that God was working in his pain, and that he felt closer to God than he had for a long time.

To which I said, "Oh! Good...for you!"

I remember when I could tell stories like that.

I've been thinking about this for awhile (plus conversations with a missionary friend, plus a recent sermon), and I'm just now having coherent thoughts about what it means and what I'm meant to understand.

1. I'm not looking for God in my life. In college, my friends and I would sit around so pretentiously (only it wasn't, we were genuine and man, I miss that feeling of passion) talking about how God was working in our classes, our relationships, our plans for the future.

Now I just live. Because I have routine, because there aren't looming uncertainties in my present or my future, I don't look for God. When I pray or read my Bible, it doesn't feel like there's a purpose. Which leads me to my second realization.

2. I am so ashamed of my life right now. When I jumped on the missions bandwagon, I maybe forgot there were any other paths. I thought, and think, that intentional missions, involving travel and sacrifice and all those stereotypical missiony things, is the only way to grow in God. And I have precedent. The times in my life when I look to God and am willing and wanting to learn from Him are when I'm on mission trips to Senegal or Mongolia or Turkey.

I don't know how to seek after God with a regular job and a church to attend three or more times a week. No matter how many times I tell myself I am serving God by teaching Sunday School or Bible study or Teamkids, I don't feel it. And...I just had a third realization.

3. I skate by. I'm naturally pretty decent at things, so I rarely have to try. If something necessitates trying, more often than not, I quit. If I'm okay at something, I almost never pursue perfection. I've thought that I could do more at church, deepening relationship and sacrificing my time to get into someone else's life. But...I don't. Because that takes extra work, and isn't the hour I spend teaching enough? People certainly praise me for it, so I'm content.

I did the same thing in Senegal. But because I gave up my friends and family and comfort to go do something half-heartedly, it felt like something special.

4. So what now? Wait, I think. Jonathan taught that God can take years and years to teach his disciples something very basic and very important. I'm one year in. I'm very slowly learning something. And I trust that when I come out of this weird transition, I'll be stronger and more integrated, and better prepared to serve God and love Him in any situation.

Weird Family Bonding

Yesterday my parents and I were rifling through weeds looking for jewelry that was stolen from us and then likely thrown from a moving car. There's an extremely cool story there, but you should ask my mother about it, since it's really her story to tell.

Anyway, Mom and Dad were pretty regularly finding bracelets or knick knacks, but I never found a thing. As time went on, the only thing I could think was, "I am definitely not a Hufflepuff."

Random Has a New Name

In what game will you debate the number of people to whom you can give wedgies, nearly break a TV during a dazzling can-can routine, bark like a rabid dog, and shoot snot on people while humming the national anthem?

Quelfy quelfy quelf!

It's just Quelf.  The rest was my excitement.

I brought my favorite game to the Monahan's for college night, and Abby promptly hid it.  *shakes fist*  I eventually got her to confess its location, but had no luck convincing anyone to play, despite my best efforts. 

"Wow, this is a scintillating conversation!  You know what else I like?  Quelf."
"I'm so full from eating that brownie, which reminds me of how much I want to play Quelf."
"Quelf?"
"ANYONE WANT TO PLAY QUELF!?"

Thankfully, after I had given up all hope, Jake suggested, "Let's play Quelf."  Dear reader, I thought I might explode.  You know those moments when you are feeling VERY BIG EMOTIONS but don't want to show it?  That was me, trying to withhold my smile and act very calm and nonchalant.

"Do you--ahem, are you sure?  Quelf?  You want to play Quelf?"

I looked nervously around the room at faces that were grinning at my inability to keep my ecstasy in check.

"OKAY I'LL GO SEE IF ANYONE ELSE WANTS TO PLAY!"

And before they could protest, I flounced out of the room.  It was not one of my best moments.

But I do love Quelf.

The aforementioned hilarious events took place, and when it was all done, everyone was a huge fan of the game!  No wait, that's what happened in my head.  Everyone complained and mumbled on their way out, which was absurd because I heard them laughing.  They had a good time.  I fail to understand how people can have so much fun but never want to do it again.

Because the way I see it, it's a very good exchange to allow yourself to look like a fool and be laughed at for the chance to watch six other people look foolish and laugh at them.

Doctor Who S01E02 "The End of the World" Semi-Live Blog

The Doctor fiddling with the TARDIS is not nearly as ridiculous and awesome as it will become.  It's almost like what he does has a purpose, and obviously, that's absurd.

"You think you're so impressive."
"I am so impressive."
"You wish."
 My OTPs are always big with the banter, and Doctor/Rose is no exception.

I love that the first thing we see of the future is.....a grate!  lol.  Did the editors make a mistake, or is this a comment on the unchangingness of humanity?

Doctor Who is so optimistic.  "You never stop to think you might survive."  I love a sci fi show that isn't all doom and gloom.  As Craig Ferguson sang about DW, "Intellect and romance!  Over brute force and cynicism."  So true.

Angsty!Nine, taking his companion to her planet's death.
I see whut you did thur.
You want someone to feel your pain?
What a jerk, Nine.
I love you.

Yay psychic paper!  I like, really want that. 
Even though I wholly believe the Doctor is undermining Rose, he is genuinely excited to see her see aliens for the first time.
I would totally take air from the Doctor's lungs as a gift.  As Jabe says, "...so intimate!"
Alien flirting.  Awesome.

 The Face of Boe!  It's Jack's first appearance!
I love when DW gets all funny about the future looking back at our time.  Five billion years from now, people will think ostriches had wingspans of 50 feet and could blow fire out of their nostrils.  Of course, this opens so many thought-doors of what we incorrectly assume about the past.
I love that Rose goes through culture shock.  It's not like the Doctor made it easy for her.  Aliens galore, happily overseeing the death of her planet.
Similarly, I'm ecstatic that Rose realizes what a stupid move it was to just jump into a "spaceship" with a strange man.  NOT A SMART MOVE outside of kiddie television.

Rose/Doctor is best because she refuses to let him have the upper hand.  She won't let him get carried away with his angst or singularity.  She makes him think of others.

"Bad Wolf Scenario."

Life Lesson:  Racial purity leads to 708 plastic surgeries resulting in becoming a jerk trampoline.  Do not be racist!

"Perhaps a man only enjoys trouble when there's nothing left."
Got it in one.  The Doctor = self-destructive.
More hints of the Doctor's past.  I remember being SO INTRIGUED and frustrated that more wasn't revealed and quick.
Sci fi absurdity.  Why are there spinny metal wheels of death directly above the walkway?  Stupid.
Why would Jack/Face of Boe host the viewing of the end of Earth?  Sentimental?  Out for profit?  Yeah, yeah, maybe I shouldn't overthink a bit of retconning.

"What are you going to do?  Moisturize me?"
Sassy!Doctor.  I like.

Jabe called him a Time Lord!
Goodbye Jabe...
The Doctor inspires such devotion from people, it's ridiculous.  And they often end up dying for him. 
This is why I love this show!  So subversively angsty! 

Goodbye Earth...
All in all, not a great first adventure for Rose.
In fact, I'm super impressed she decided to keep travelling with him.

"Help her."
"Everything has its time and everything dies."
This.  This!  This is a great quote to sum up the different worldviews of naive!Rose and sullen!Doctor at the beginning of the relationship.  Oh how different they will become!
Epic hand hold.  This ship.  It kills me.
And then the Doctor shares a bit of himself with Rose.  His planet is also gone because they lost a war (oh, leaving out a bit of your culpability, eh, Doctor?), and now he is the last of the Time Lords.

"I'm left travelling on my own because there's no one left."
"There's me."
"You've seen how dangerous it is.  You want to go home?"
"I dunno.  I want--can you smell chips?  I want chips!"

Perfect ship is perfect.  Their honesty is fantastic.  Her ability to make him laugh is lovely.  His desire to protect her is lovely. 
And with two big smiles and an arm cling, the episode concludes. 

Wedding Crasher

I am becoming a professional wedding crasher, if you understand that to mean I keep getting invited to weddings of people I don't know. As Josh said, "I figured this would be one of those weddings where three people stay on the dance floor the entire time, and everyone else will say, "Who ARE they?" And it'll be you, Lindsay, and Ashley."

Mostly true.

Nick's brother got married yesterday, and I don't know how I became the general Wineinger plus one (though I suspect Lindsay had some sneaky ulterior motives). Regardless, I'm glad I was!

I can tell I've gotten older because I've stopped be embarrassed by everything. The twins have this friend who likes to cause trouble, and he watched me watch Jake get up from the table. The friend smirked and said, "I saw you checking him out." Momentary panic, but then I just said, "Yeah. He looks really good in those pants."

Most of the eating time of the reception was filled with random, slightly weird conversation, of which I wholly approve! Lindsay felt bad, but then she threw up and it was all better. Hahaha, not that I advocate throwing up as a viable medicinal option, but the change it made was remarkable.

Then there was dancing, except the DJ was kind of awful, spending half the time with cutesy planned dances for the bride or for kiddos or for married couples. But when it was dancing for everyone, Lindsay and I hit the dance floor. As she said, it's fun to dance at these weddings where no one knows you, because then you don't feel as stupid for flailing your arms and feet around.

There were fast songs, and the requisite party songs like Electric Slide. I tripped a kid during that, like a two-year-old, and I didn't know what to do. Luckily Jake jumped in to comfort him and get him on his feet while I continued to dance in guilt. There was also a bit of swing dancing (there needed to be more! That is, I think, my favorite) and some slow songs. I had decided not to obnoxiously force people to slow dance with me, but I did get to slow dance once, and it was very nice.

Of course, when we decided to help pack up the food and leave, all the good dancing music started.

Weddings are everything I love: dressing up, celebrations of love, food, friends, and dancing. So glad the Wineingers let me enjoy that this weekend.

Cut All The Hairs!

Earlier this week I cut James' hair, and Abby just asked for some hair advice. It got me thinking about why I've cut my own hair for the last five years, and I came up with Three Formative Hair Experiences.

1. I grew up knowing that my grandpa cut his own hair. When Roy hit teenagerish years, he began cutting his own hair too. I figured if boys could do it with such short hair, it would be easy-peasy with long.

2. There is this cutscene in Final Fantasy 9 where Dagger pulls her hair into a ponytail and then slashes it off with a knife. I remember being so in awe of the swish of her hair as it fell around her face. I wanted to do that!

3. I got super fed up with my hairdresser. Every few months when I went in, I would say, "Layers! I love layers! Obvious, beautiful layers!" And every time she would cut these baby layers that were only visible if you looked long and hard. When I left for college, instead of wasting time looking for someone new to cut my hair, I took the plunge and did it myself. And my hair was gorgeous!

In conclusion, I really believe everyone should cut their own hair. It's cheaper. It allows freedom of creativity. It gives you control over the final product. And it's fun! Just always cut less than you think you want off, and trim from there. Because even when I'm adventurous, I'm cautious.