Feminism in Vampire Stories!

Hahaha Vampire Diaries just makes me fist pump the air every episode.  It's like it is determined to show how stupid Twilight is.  Take episode 10:

Stefan:  I must leave you.  It is for your safety!

Tricia:  AUGH.  Stoppit with the drama!  Everyone knows you're going to come back, so that doesn't work.  And if Elena keeps telling you to stay anyway, then you are just being a chauvinistic pig who thinks he knows everything and the little ladyfolk only runs on her emotions!

Elena:  No.  I have already made my wishes perfectly clear.  If you are going to leave, then it is because you want to.  Your leaving is selfish; it's not for me.

Tricia:  FISTPUMP to the max.

Stefan and Elena:  *smooch*

Tricia:  Awww.

Also I'm a total sucker for those scenes with the vampire is all vamp-face and ashamed, but his love looks him in the demon-face and kisses him anyway.  If that is not a perfect picture of unconditional love, I don't know what is.

Buffy vs. TVD vs. Twilight

Okay, so I can't really deny anymore that I tend to love vampire stories.  And there's nothing wrong with that except for the screaming fans who make it seem like romantic drivel.  Not so!  What I love about vampire stories is the way vampirism shows the human condition a new light--something which all fantasy, when done well, should do.

I love that vampires are eternal.  That gives them loads of time to suffer and repent and experience life.  Also it provides for interesting history lessons!  But mostly I love that vampires have this huge horrible urge, a secret they must keep if they ever want to find love and acceptance.  That means there are two awesome story lines available--1) making up for past sins in an attempt to stumble toward redemption and 2) revealing your secret in a moment of intimacy that will cause relational earthquakes of all kinds.

These are things with which all people who have ever done something they regret can empathize.  So, all people.  The cover of vampirism just makes it all bigger and more dramatic.

So.  I've been a fan of three different TV shows/books about vampires.  How do they compare?

Obviously, Buffy is the best!  That is because it plays the vampire thing with humor, and lets the drama come from the human failings that fall out.  I love that whenever people find out that there are mystical horrors going on, they are always very laid back.  "Oh, that's why we have so many mysterious deaths in Sunnydale!"  The show isn't about the mystery of vampires--that's all tongue in cheek.  What the show does wonderfully is play on the metaphors behind the mystical creatures.  And the drama and heartache is when we see how those metaphors are manifesting in the Scoobies and affecting their lives.

I've only watched the first six episodes of The Vampire Diaries, but the vampire reveal has already happened, so I will discuss.  Even though this show is light on the comedy and heavy on the drama (hence, second place), I liked how Elena reacted when she found out her boyfriend was a vampire.  She FREAKED OUT.  As it should be.  She was scared for her life, and she didn't trust him.  I don't care if you have a crush on a guy and he's cute...finding out he is a creature of myth is terrifying!  She gave him a day to explain himself, then dumped him.  Even though I'm sure they'll get back together, because duh, I really liked the instant terror.  Much more realistic than--

Twilight.  One of my deepest shames is that I truly loved those books.  And yeah, they are romantic crack, but there is so much stupid in them that I must have willfully closed my eyes.  While Elena is all "GET OUT STEFAN YOU ARE CREEPY RIGHT NOW," Bella's reaction is totally different.  She finds out Edward is a vampire and is all, "Oh, well that's okay."  He even goes on and on about how dangerous he is, and how he's killed people, but she just says, "lolz, but I love you!"  UGH.  Love does not overcome murder.  Not right away.  That has to be earned, and by completely trampling over that "reveal big secret to the person you love and deal with the fallout" Stephanie Meyer just ruined any chance at drama or metaphor.  Unless it's your personal experience to say "Hello, I'm the most horrible thing you can imagine" and have someone respond, "Cool!"

Yay Buffy, intrigued by TVD, boo Twilight.

Language Learning

I am trying to learn Mongolian, but all I have is a phrasebook.  Nothing to listen to and compare.

It sounds like German, and nothing like how Gany and Sarango spoke.  That could end up a problem.

Emergency Room Memory

It was a night of awesome, and we weren't ready for it to be over.  After a GO Trip reunion party followed by the coffee house debut of Kevin and Cameron's song "Hedgie," we had to find something else to do.

"Let's play outside!"

"Yeah, alright.  We could go to North Park."

I don't even know who came up with that idea, because my nerdy instinct obliterated all but this thought, "We can't go there when it's closed!"

Of course, to North Park we went.  Kathryn ended up driving, which was stupid, because she owns a Mini Cooper.  She and Bruce lounged comfortably in the front seats.  Stephanie, Kevin, and Erin sat hip to hip in the back, and I sat somewhere on top of and in between Stephanie and Kevin.

Kathryn's iPod turned classic pop, and we all screamed along with Cascada.  "Cuz every time we touch I get this feeling, and every time we kiss I reach for the sky!"  Stephanie's arms pumped past my ears.  Kevin thrashed his head wildly from side to side.  I tried to do a little headbanging, but I smashed the top of my skull against the roof, and Kevin complained that my dancing was digging my knees into his thigh.

When we got to the North Park barrier, a pathetic metal turnstile, Kathryn parked the Mini Cooper.  We hopped the gate and ran toward the playground equipment, whooping and laughing like five-year-olds.

Like all good playground outings, we ended up at the swings.  Stephanie sang, and we all tried to swing higher than gravitationally possible.  Kathryn was the first to lightly jump from her swing to the ground.  Stephanie quickly copied her, and then it was just Kevin and me.  He let out a warcry and launched into the air.  It was awesome, and then I was the last one.  I had to make it good.

I pumped my legs harder at my friends' encouragement, and when I reached the apex of my swing, I hesitated just a split second before letting go and flying into the night.  I knew in mid-air that it had gone wrong.  As some kind of last ditch attempt to reverse the jump, I twisted to face the swing set as I fell.  Probably I wanted to grab the chains and sit back down, but that wasn't going to happen.

My left foot hit the ground, and my back instantly followed.  I lay on woodchips, gasping for air.  I was laughing uncontrollably, which didn't work so well when I had just had the wind knocked out of me.  Kevin yelled from the side, "That was EPIC!" and Stephanie and Kimberly crouched beside me, laughing and hitting my shoulder.

Kathryn called, "Look!  A frog!" and they left me for the green amphibian.  I wanted to see it myself, but my body preferred to stay lying down.  After a couple minutes, Erin returned and said, "Are you okay?"

"....I don't think I can move.  Haha!"  I answered.  Trying to contradict myself, I pushed onto my elbows so that my head was a whole twelve inches off the ground.  This proved to be too difficult, so I went back to being horizontal.

My other friends had finally left the frog and realized something was wrong with me.  "Whoa, are you alright?"  Stephanie asked.

"Hahaha!  No."  My immobility was turning me hysterical.

Stephanie and Kevin pulled me to my feet, and the movement sent a rush of pain down my spine.  "I think my back is broken, hahaha, oh no, help me."  They pretty much dragged me to a nearby park bench, and I collapsed on it.

"I'm totally fine now.  I just need to rest.  You guys go play!"  I had landed in an awkward sitting position, but just the thought of moving caused my stomach to roll with nausea.  Kimberly and Kathryn obliged, and chased each other across a bouncy bridge.  Stephanie and Kevin sat on either side of me, telling stories of their day while looking at me from the worried corners of their eyes.  I tried to smile and look healthy, but I was pretty sure I was slowly becoming paralyzed.

Stephanie stopped being distracting and said, "You should go to the hospital."

"What?!" Kimberly and Kathryn said.  They felt bad for playing during my state of invalidism.

I protested, but when Stephanie ordered me to stand up on my own, I could only stare at her with puppy eyes.

"But all we have is Kathryn's Mini Cooper," Erin pointed out.

The thought of twisting in on myself like before nearly brought me to tears.

"We'll take Stephen's car!"  Kimberly had come separately with her boyfriend.  I don't know where he had been during the rest of the drama.  I had never met Stephen before, and I didn't want to force him to take me to the hospital.  It wasn't until Stephanie said, "It'll be another party!" and everyone genuinely agreed, that I consented.

"To the emergency room!"

The cars were stuck behind the gate, so Stephen and Kevin acted as my crutches.  I hobbled along as best I could, and by the time we got to Stephen's SUV, I was longingly anticipating the cushioned backseat.  My car companions sang as we drove.  I was too busy contemplating all the ways my body could be broken to sing along, but I did crack a smile when Kathryn's Mini Cooper passed us and the rest of my friends stared through the windows at me with exaggerated sad faces.

Kevin grabbed a wheelchair from outside the emergency room, and I was slowly lowered into it.  He ran through the sliding doors, and I had a brief but terrifying feeling that I was a pregnant woman on her way to delivery.  Suddenly the inability to stand up didn't seem so bad.

Paperwork was filed, and we took up a whole row of plastic seats.  Kevin and Erin stayed with me while the rest went back to school.  Stephanie was going to get supplies to last the night, and I was promised a strawberry slushie.  I called my mom and excitedly told her that I was in the emergency room for the first time.  I tried to reach my roommates, but neither of them picked up their phones or returned my texts.  I was about to lapse into self-pity when Kevin said, "Hey, your new roommate might be right here with you already."  Erin smiled shyly at me, and I was suddenly so glad that we had filed to room together off campus in the fall.

I was called in for consultation, and I stupidly told the nurse that my pain was a five sitting down, because at the moment it was.  My honesty put me to the bottom of the needy list, and I was returned to the waiting room.  Naturally, after sitting still for ten minutes, the pain was back to a nine, but it was too late to tell anyone that.  The rest of my friends returned, and we gathered around Stephanie's laptop to watch LOST and Chuck.  We were the envy of the emergency room, I was sure.

It was one in the morning when people started fidgeting.  I assured them that they could go.  Stephanie had volunteered to stay with me, and Kevin unexpectedly announced that he was staying too.  The three of us talked and watched Chuck for the next two hours.  After each show my back felt like it was on fire from sitting still so long.  My human crutches walked me down the hallway.  It felt wonderful to move my muscles for the first four or five steps, but by the time we reached the end of the hallway, the walk back seemed designed to be torture.

Inevitably, I had to go to the bathroom.  They both took me to the door, but only Stephanie helped me to the stall.  When I was locked inside, I was faced with the daunting task of sitting down.  I half fell, half lowered myself to the toilet, and I immediately knew I wasn't going to get up again.  I cried in frustration, because what if I needed someone to take me to the bathroom for the rest of my life?

In a production that would have impressed a contortionist, I managed to get all my clothes back on.  I threw myself from side to side of the stall, leaning heavily for support.  When I opened the door, Stephanie's sad face was staring at me.  I panted, smiling at my success.  Then she basically carried me back to the waiting room.

It was four in the morning before I was taken to a private room.  A doctor came in, poked me a bit, and asked questions.

"When was your last period?"

What?  How was that relevant?  Pointedly not looking at Kevin, I answered.  Stephanie snickered.  The doctor poked me and moved me a little bit more, then went out in search of a ready x-ray machine.

It took forty-five more minutes (during which time we played "Would You Rather?") before he came back and said there'd been a car accident.  The x-ray machine was needed, so they were just going to give me pain medication and send me on my way.  He got out a needle and said, "Now if you would just pull down your pants..."

I stared desperately at Stephanie and Kevin, who said, "Um, we'll just step outside."

When the doctor left and my friends returned, Kevin gleefully told my bright red face, "You got a shot in the butt!"

I was loaded into a wheelchair again, and they maneuvered me into Stephanie's car, which she had picked up at school earlier that night.  Kevin's bike was at my dorm room, so we all got out there.  Since it was five in the morning, my roommates were silent inside their bedrooms.  My human crutches helped me to my room.  Kevin hugged me, told me to call him the next day, and left.

Stephanie went to the bathroom to brush her teeth, and I tried to change into pajamas.  I managed to drop my pants, and then I discovered that lifting my right foot put too much pressure on my left.  And lifting my left foot was just impossible.

"Stephanie?" I cried plaintively.  She poked her head around the door and burst out laughing.  Like a true friend, she let me lean on her while she picked up each of my feet and extricated my jeans.  Then she dug a pair of pajama pants from my drawer and put them on me.  "Thanks, mom," I said.

I clung to the wall as I hobbled to my bed.  I flopped toward the wall, and after a few minutes, Stephanie climbed in with her head at my feet.  She patted them, and said, "Sleep well!  See you in three hours when I go to class!"

That didn't happen.  The drugs I'd been given kicked in, and I never even knew she got up and left.

Blog Overhaul

Oh, this is so pretty, no?

Change of picture, change of title.  I am a fan of change!  Except when it comes to the location of my cutlery, I guess.

Thoughts? 

Twitterpated Stupidity

I have this intense love/hate relationship with hot, friendly guys.  Love, because obvs, they are awesome.  But hate because they turn me into a big puddle of stupid.  David the Magician (from earlier embarrassing story) called the library this morning, and was all "how do you pronounce Chillicothe?"  "are you having a good day?"  "see you at the show!" 

And I was all "Bleerghisdfhsd?" 

No, I like to think I was pretty poised and confident.  But for realsies, friendly hot guys need to advertise their availability.  I always assume friendly=interested (because I have a huge ego) and then I am inevitably disappointed, because why wouldn't a hot friendly guy already be taken?

Eh, that's not even the problem.  I think I would be flustered whether he was single or not.  A hot magician!  It's NPH!  How can I not be stupid?

Turkish Memory

We had unloaded our bus after an eight hour ride from Istanbul to the retreat center in the middle of nowhere in Southern Turkey.  The center staff showed us our wing of rooms and how to throw away our toilet paper instead of flushing it.  They left, and it was only us, sixteen Americans, wondering how to spend the evening.  I figured we might discuss plans for the retreat or do something spiritual like pray.

"Let's play Sardines!" Kathryn suggested with typical enthusiasm.

No.  Not that.  I had a fear of games that pitted myself against others in total darkness.

"With partners!" she continued.

That would be okay.  Darkness and competition is always less frightening with someone else to either a) cuddle or b) blame.

"Our retreat partners!" Kathryn would not stop with the suggestions, but everyone else seemed fine with the latest addition.  That made sense, because their partners weren't Jason.

Our team had two leaders.  Chris was more of an exuberant puppy than a leader, jumping around with excitement and making sure everyone was entertained.  He could bust out the spiritual comments, but those moments were shocking in their depth.  It was Jason who held the team together, making sure we counted off to sixteen in the Grand Bazaar and ensuring everyone was safe at our previous hotel.

Jason was a great leader.  But I could not imagine running around with him in the dark, discovering hiding places and fumbling with laughter.  He looked equally unsure of this partner idea.  That made sense; I wasn't exactly known for bringing the party.  We would be the lamest team in Sardines history.

After Lauren and Graydon volunteered to hide first, Jason and I strategized.

"Do you want to go downstairs?" he asked.

"Sure."

We were tactical geniuses.

There were two huge rooms downstairs, filled with lines of bunk beds and wardrobes.  It was more than creepy, but Jason didn't seem to care.  "You go down that line of beds, and I'll check over here," he said.  I obeyed, but only glanced at each lower and upper bunk.  Finding someone's eyes staring out at me seemed scarier than losing the game.

At the end of the room we met and agreed to go upstairs.  I could hear other teams shuffling in the darkness, giggling to each other and whispering plans.  I mentally sighed.  Jason and I were too similar in our introversion.  This game was the opposite of fun.

We climbed the stairs into the looming darkness.  Once again we had options as to which room to investigate first, so we paused on the landing.  It was all very ominous.

"Boo!" something shouted to my right.

"YAAAAAAAAARRG!" I jumped and flailed my arms while screaming bloody murder.  Mid-flail, the back of my hand collided with my assailant's face.

Tim staggered into dimly lit view and said, "You slapped me!  Tricia?  You slapped me!?"

I had.  Hard.  And I wasn't going to apologize for it.  "You scared me to death!"

Erin appeared out of the darkness and asked, "Are you okay?"

It was then that I noticed the wheezing.  Jason was bent double, laughing uproariously in some strange combination of little boy and old man.  Then he lost his breath, and began inhaling deeply in raspy fits.  I stared at him open-mouthed, astonished at his total lack of propriety.  He looked completely ridiculous, and laughter burbled out of me.  Tim and Erin joined in the hilarity, and the four of us fell against each other, repeating, "You slapped him!"  again and again.

My eyes were wet and my gut was sore, but when we finally straightened up and regained some dignity, I looked at Jason, my partner.  We smiled at each other.

And then we totally won the game.