Sexual Submission

If you think a virgin ranting about what she thinks sex ought to be about is ridiculous, then you probably won't like this post.  Also, if you didn't notice, I said sex. This is going to be about sex, and I'm going to use sexual terms and sexual ideas, so don't read it if you don't want to read it.

One of my friends is making her way toward engagement, which led to a horrifying conversation with her mother about marital sex.  It's all about submission, her mom said.  Even if that means having sex soon after giving birth, when your vagina has been recently ripped apart and it freaking hurts to have anything inside you. But sex isn't about your pleasure, woman, it's about making your husband happy. Completely in line with that reasoning was the next piece of advice: women don't need to orgasm. Its unimportant.

All of this makes me very sad, because I have this idea that sex is supposed to be beautiful and awesome, and well-meaning advice from Christians makes it sound awful.  I mean, I learned in rape prevention that it isn't enough for your partner to simply NOT say no. You should wait until your partner is enthusiastically saying yes!  And that's rape prevention.  Shouldn't sex in marriage have an equally, if not higher, ideal?

With that stated, let me affirm that I am all for sexual submission.  Whenever I get married I plan to do whatever I can to please my husband.  There ought to be joy in making someone you love feel good.  And....there ought to be joy for the husband in making his wife feel good, right?  I'm sorry, but I just have no respect for a man who says, honey, I know you recently pushed an eight-pound child through your vagina, but I'm feeling horny, so we're going to have sex even if it hurts you.  That's ridiculous. Shouldn't the husband submit in love to his wife and take her feelings into consideration?

As for women not needing orgasms, I'm equally appalled. One of my favorite realizations was that God created women with an organ whose only purpose is sexual pleasure.  To me, the clitoris is the greatest evidence that God wants both men and women to enjoy sex. And doesn't that just make sense? Isn't marriage, isn't sex, supposed to be mutually beneficial and mutually selfless? If a woman submits to her husband and desires his pleasure above her own, and if a husband submits to his wife and desires her pleasure above his own, doesn't that make everyone a winner?

I have an extremely high opinion of sex, one which I think is based in the truth of Scripture and the truth of science.  As such, I am pro-orgasms-for-everyone and anti-sex-when-it-hurts.