Life Update

I went back and read some posts from this summer.  Oh man, what an emotionally tumultuous time.  I was so worried about life and my future, and what kind of job I should get, and whether I should just leave America once and for all, and all sorts of other things.

I haven't really addressed my life in this blog lately.  This will be my catch-up.

Jobs.  I guess the first thing that is cool to see is that God did drop a job in my lap.  I stopped the Samaritan's Purse and Journeyman applications because they were my choice, and I wanted God to make the choice for me.  All the other big decisions in my life have just sort of happened, in this way where it looks like happy circumstance but really (I believe) is God working behind the veil.  It's nice to know that happened again.  In an economy where so many people are looking for jobs, I can only glorify God for this:

Mom:  The Dunlap library needs a children's librarian.
Me:  *email*
Me:  *call*  Did you get my email?
Boss:  Nope.  Do you want to interview?
Me:  *interview*
Boss:  You're hired!

So easy.  I did nothing but just show up.  I don't know exactly why God put me in the library, but there are many possibilities.  1)  I am making money, which is useful for giving to missionaries and charities and also for funding my own missionary endeavors!  2)  I am learning to deal with kids.  3)  I am learning new skills and becoming a leader.  4)  I am given the opportunity to talk to coworkers about my faith, which is something I am not comfortable doing.  5)  I am learning to see and think about the line between boldness and political correctness.

I think the biggest thing I've learned over the past couple months is patience.  During the first couple weeks at Bible study, Rose Fitzgerald constantly interrupted me and said, "Wait!  Just wait!"  It was very annoying, but now I realize she was right.  The process of God getting my heart right and prepared for the next big step will take time.  I've been shown examples of many awesome people who waited years for their spiritual goal to be possible.

And I'm okay with that.  I like it here in Peoria.  I'm a little scared to leave, actually, now that I'm reintegrated into my awesome church family.  I will, though.  I trust God with that.  And I know that God is using me in Peoria.  I know that I am an example at Woodland, that it's scary how many people look at me and my life.  I know that there are many ways I can serve God outside of Woodland's walls, and I am excited to see where those take me.

I'm learning to like Americans.  I'm trying not to get fed up and angry all the time.  I'm trying to beat the culture out of my head while living within it.  God is helping me with that, all Romans 12:2 style.  I'm being sanctified.  I can tell, which is encouraging.  I can also see what parts of my personality and sinfulness will be fixed in the future.

And that's the best part, I guess.  I'm seeing my life as a story, as a journey that will take a lifetime to finish.  I see the progress God has made in my life, and I see the work He will do in the future.  It's all very hope-producing, and hope is pretty much one of the most awesome parts of being a Christian.

Reclaiming Unicorns for Virgins

There's a book I want to read called Zombies vs. Unicorns, in which popular YA authors take sides and write short stories about whichever creature they find more awesome.  I haven't read the book, but I did read a review that got all excited about something strange.  The reviewer thought it was awesome that most of the unicorn stories broke from the "unicorns only trust/like virgins" trope. 

The reviewer even gleefully put forth one girl who is "definitely not a virgin" (what does that even mean?  the story is about her having sex?  she goes around remembering all her sexual exploits?) and her awesome relationship with a unicorn as society advancing and getting rid of sexual taboos and whatnot.

But you know what?  I'm a little offended.  I'm a virgin, and there is very little in my culture that affirms my life choice.  If someone wants to have sex, then there are crowds of people and loads of media who will cheer them on.  But decide to wait until marriage?  Then people look at you weird, and the media mostly doesn't realize people like me still exist.

Through all of which I mean to say, leave me my unicorns!  It's pretty difficult to stay a virgin and to be proud of it.  Is it so much to ask for a mythical creature mascot?

I'm not even arguing morals.  I just want someone (or something) on team virgin.  And a shiny horse with a horn that can impale enemies or maybe fart rainbows?  Yeah, I want that on my side.

On a related note, if unicorns and virginity are intertwined, what will happen to my unicorn hair when I eventually have sex?  Inquiring minds want to know, Dr. Hughes.

Perspective

I have been back in the United States for five months. 

In those five months, I have been in a wedding in Peoria, gone to Pennsylvania on a mission trip, kept going to New York City for the first time in my life, and headed a bit further to Virginia for a family vacation.  I have gone to Memphis to be in another wedding, then vacationed my way down to Georgia.  I have become a Sunday School teacher and a Bible study leader.  I have gotten my first adult job as a children's librarian.  I have remade friendships and refound my love for creating music.

Five months is a long time.

I lived in Senegal for five months.

Five months is a long time.

No wonder I'm going around greeting people like a crazy person.  "Hello!  Lovely wind, no?  Guess what!  I'm going to Senegal in one week and one day!  Would you like to see pictures I just printed off?  No?  Here they are anyway!  And by the way, I'm going to Senegal in one week and one day less three minutes!"

I.  Cannot.  Wait. 

Emotionally Scatterbrained

In ten days, I'm going home!  My feelings about returning to Senegal are mixed, but the overwhelming emotion is extreme joy.  I cannot wait to reach through the gate and unlatch the lock, walk through the sand, stare down a lizard or two, and wait for Liz to unlock the front door.  I can't wait to tuck mosquito netting around my bed, to wake up and drink French press coffee and cappuccino muffins while discussing the Bible and what God is teaching me.  I can't wait to rearrange my ponya so I can climb on the back of Liz's moto and round the curve by the Ndours compound, then go through the intersection, take a left, speed up and grin into the wind, then pull into the sand in front of the Forsythe's house.  I can't wait to collapse on the Forsythe's couch, to pull Melody and Ethan into cuddling me, to talk to Nate about computer games, to watch Kim explode in happiness to be around so many women her age, to watch Travis slink out of the room and then maybe come back to kick everyone's butt at cards.

But I'm also more than a little nervous.  Because what I'm imagining is a return to the past, and things have changed since I left Fatick.  Holly is no longer there, and she was so often the voice of sanity amongst a bunch of crazies.  Mallory is there, and I adore her dancing skills (and her dog), but in my head she belongs in Dara and Dakar, so it will be weird to see her in Fatick.  I'm sure the opposite is true for her of me.  And there are four new Hands On girls, and I'm struggling with the idea of  liking them, when mostly I am just raging with insecurity.  I'm sure they are better French speakers, better missionaries, more hilarious, more child-friendly, braver, more outgoing, and generally more awesome than me.

Which shouldn't matter.  I taught the kiddos in Sunday School yesterday that we shouldn't think too highly or too lowly of ourselves.  Instead we need to be confident in who God made us, finding our identity and our worth in Him.  Which is all well and good to talk about, but much harder to put into practice.

But really, I think I will love the new girls.  And I will love Mallory being a part of my Fatick world.  And I will love showing the other Woodland women where I lived for five months.  I will love seeing the friends I made and eating Senegalese food.  And I really really am looking forward to hearing people call me Siga.  I miss being Siga.

So what I'm mostly worried about is coming home.  I don't think I'll want to.  I changed so much in Senegal.  I gained a buttload of confidence.  I learned to adapt, I learned to cook, I learned to focus on God and serving Him amongst a people who don't know Him.  I made some truly awesome friends and confidants.  I had adventures and I made stories.

Senegal was one of the most exciting, awesome times of my life.  I've started getting used to America these past couple months, but I think returning to Senegal will throw a wrench in that.  Which I probably need.  I don't want to stay in America forever.  I don't want to get comfortable in my privileged white middle class world.

I hope that God will inspire me and talk to me in Senegal.  Usually I listen to Him better when I'm out of my comfort zone.  I hope that when I come back to America I won't sink into depression.  I hope this will lift me up and encourage me to live a better present instead of wanting to wallow around in the past.

Attack of Materialism

I've been trying very hard not to spend any money on myself (with exceptions for food, medicine, etc).  Not to save the money, necessarily.  I'm trying to give it away.  I have learned that you need to be careful when you tell God you want to learn to trust Him with your money, because He will give you lots and lots of opportunities to give it to friends and missionaries and organizations.

Anyway, it hasn't been too hard.  Most of my battles have been, "I need khakis.  But...I have three pairs of dress pants.  I don't really need another.  C'mon dress pants, fall to pieces so I can buy something new!"  And maybe, "I need new solid colored t-shirts.  These all have pit stains.  But...I guess I can just not raise my arms."

Then last night, a friend at church told me about her new Nook, and all the awesome things she can do with it. 

I was overcome.  I immediately got online and saw that they are only $150.  I decided to price compare, so I looked at Kindles and then that led me to iPads.  Oh man.  Price jump to $500.  But iPads are so freaking cool.  And then I thought about how my computer battery is dead, and would it really be so bad to preemptively get a new MacBook?  Surely my computer will completely die soon.  Better to be prepared, right?  A new computer is, of course, $1,000.

Ridiculous.  In half an hour I went from a Biblical financial lifestyle to completely overcome by American materialism.  I did back away from the computer, but I almost bought the Nook.  Because I travel.  And it would be handy.  And you can get all the classics for free!  And then I remembered that I work in a library.  Where everything is free. 

But it was still really hard not to buy the Nook.  And I still want new shirts.  And I want season one of Community.

I'm still so materialistic.

Conversations with Senegal

Lamba is sleeping over at Liz's house (in Fatick), so they called me while I was in handbells.  I called them back, and oh my word now I am so excited to get back to Senegal.  Here are some snippets of our conversation, because it made me laugh, and hopefully joy is contagious.

Lamba:  Tree-cee-a, are you ready Freddy?
Me:  ...?
Lamba:  Are you coming to the gun show, Tree-cee-a?
Me:  Where are you learning these things?  Did you do this, Liz?
Liz:  I would never!
Lamba:  I have a bone to pick with you, Tree-cee-a.
Me:  Okay, Lamba, we'll pick some bones.
Lamba:  Yes, we will pick a bone.

Lamba:  Did you buy me jelly beans?
Liz:  I still don't know how you heard about jelly beans, Lamba...
Me:  I just bought you some yesterday!  What will you give me?
Lamba:  What do you want?
Me:  Poulet yassa.  Every night.
Lamba:  Every night!?
Me:  Yes.  One jelly bean for one meal of chicken yassa.
Lamba:  One!  No.  Five jelly beans for...
Liz:  No no no!  Lamba, that's not a good deal.

Lamba:  You sound different, Tree-cee-a.
Me:  What?  How?
Lamba:  You sound American.
Liz:  Your voice is covered in it!
Me:  What!?  Salaam Malekum.
Lamba and Liz:  Malekum salaam!
Me:  Magifeerec.
Lamba and Liz:  BAHAHAHAHAHA.
Me:  .....What did I say?
Liz:  You just said, "Hi!  I'm fine."

Oh my gosh, I'm so ready to go back!  I think it will be impossible to leave.  Maybe I can just stay for five more months?

I Am Pro-Life

If you don't want to read a fairly vitriolic opinion of war, and the role Christians should or should not play in it, then....don't read below the link.