A Theology of Sexuality

As stolen from part one of a paper I had to write for my class:

As followers of Christ, we must seek to align our relationships and actions with the revealed will of the triune God. This includes sex, although the subject is unfortunately ignored by many churches. From the very beginning, God created humanity as sexual beings, and we can better understand both ourselves and our God by grasping this truth. Genesis 1:27 says, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” Just as the triune God exists in eternal loving relationship, so His creations were formed to need loving relationships. Understanding and living out our maleness or femaleness allows us to be image bearers of God. We are made to crave relationships, whether with family, friends, or in a committed marriage. By serving and loving one another selflessly, we display our sexuality and glorify the love that exists between Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Like the rest of the world, however, our purpose became much more difficult to fulfill after the corruption of sin. God, in His goodness, provided instructions on how to manage and celebrate our sexuality. 

 

As the most exclusive relationship to image God's character, marriage is especially prone to corruption. Proverbs 5:15-21 encourages spouses to joyfully remain faithful to one another. Throughout Scripture, the breaking of marital vows is condemned, but here God speaks positively, exhorting His followers, “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth” (v. 18). Contrary to the patriarchal society that ruled the Biblical eras (and continues today), the Bible teaches mutuality within a marriage. Just as the Trinity is equal in authority but distinct in function, so too must husband and wife glory in their differences while affirming equality. Ephesians 5:21-33 teaches wives and husbands to put one another's interests before their own, sacrificing themselves daily out of love for their spouse. With love and respect, marriages ought to be characterized by men and women who “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (v. 21). Similarly, 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 teaches physical mutuality; the husband's body belongs to the wife, and the wife's body belongs to the husband. In marriage, two individuals agree to become one, living out their God-given sexuality in exclusive relationship to another, selflessly loving each other as image bearers of the Triune God. 

 

1 Corinthians 7:32-35 exhorts single men and women to live out their sexuality inclusively. In singleness, an individual devotes himself or herself entirely to God, selflessly loving all people to the glory of God. Whether married or single, young or old, God created us as His image bearers with sexuality that causes us to desire relationship. Although it is often difficult to honor God in our relationships, He patiently teaches us how to love as He loves. Colossians 3:12-14 speaks to all followers of Christ, saying, “Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

Brush Your Teeth

Have I ever talked about Ketan and teeth brushing?  Because it is the worst, but last night we had a hilarious breakthrough.

Basically, whenever I stay late on Friday or Saturday nights, the kids zonk out watching TV, and by the time we go upstairs to go to bed, they fight not to brush their teeth.  And it is AWFUL.

The first time this happened, Ketan collapsed on the foot stool by the sink, "pretending" to be asleep.  I honestly don't know whether he sleepwalking or faking or slipping in and out of consciousness.  I tried every form of persuasion to get him to brush his teeth, but he just cried and screamed.  The kid is nine.  This is not normal for him.  Eventually I became so flustered that I just carried him to bed.

After that I took precautions, making sure they were entirely ready for bed before we crashed in front of the television.  Until one time I didn't.

Ketan was plenty awake when we had to turn off the TV, but as soon as we got upstairs and walked past the bathroom, he complained his legs hurt so he was going to lie down.  I grabbed his collar and redirected him to the sink.  He sat and cried.  HIS LEGS HURT, why couldn't I see that?  So I mentally rolled my eyes and told him I was perfectly willing to stand there with him until his legs stopped hurting and he was able to brush his teeth.  Five minutes later, he was still complaining, and I was trying to point out that brushing teeth only involves a person's hands and face.  Not legs.  It was probably safe to go ahead.  But no.  Five minutes later, I was royally pissed.  I don't get angry very often as a rule, and these kids are generally great.  It's just these two freaking teeth brushing incidents that infuriate me.

Finally I said I would just brush his teeth for him.  He resisted, but when I said he could just hold his mouth open for a minute and then go to bed, he let me brush his teeth.  Which was awful, because I've never brushed someone else's teeth!  So I'm fumbling around, weirdly scrabbling at his teeth with his toothbrush.  And then I aggressively run over his loose tooth, and he shrieks, spitting blood into the sink and yelling at me for hurting him.  I apologized and pointed out that he could have brushed his own teeth, but honestly I was so angry (and a little guilty) I just pointed toward his bed and ran downstairs to decompress.

Fifteen minutes later he was STILL crying in bed, and he called for me.  I trudged up the stairs.  Turns out his legs still hurt, and he genuinely had a charlie horse.  So I sat with him and rubbed his calves.  He asked me to stay with him, which, ugh.  The bastard, playing with my emotions.  It worked though, I felt compassionate for him, so I explained that he has every right to feel pain and get upset.  It's just that he also has to brush his teeth, and it's really confusing and upsetting for me to be with him like that, because normally he's so obedient and kind.  It was a really lovely moment, especially because he fell asleep.

Last night concludes our saga (UGH I HOPE).  We watched TV, I forgot to make them brush their teeth, so I cheerily reminded them of this fact as we walked up the stairs.  Ketan bypassed the bathroom to collapse on his bed, so I grabbed his legs and said,

Me:  Nope.  You've got to brush your teeth first.
Ketan:  I don't want to.
Me:  I know, but you have to.  Please don't fight me on this.  I absolutely hate fighting with you about brushing your teeth.
Ketan:  Why?  Because I win?
Me:  No.  Because I will win, but it will take a lot out of me.
Ketan:  ...
Ketan:  Will you drag me to the bathroom?
Me:  Sure.

So Ketan flopped to the ground, held out his arms, and I dragged him down the hall to the bathroom, both of us giggling.  He brushed his teeth, went to bed, and it was wonderful.

Lessons I've learned:  Be honest.  Tell kids when things are hard for you, but don't acquiesce authority.  Also, add whimsy.  If someone wants to be dragged on the floor, do it.  It's fun for everyone.

Anna Karenina

Turns out this blog is just going to be a movie review site for a while.

Liz and I have wanted to see Anna Karenina since the remake was released on DVD in February, but because we are cheap, I put it on hold at the library.  Finally this weekend it came, and we watched it tonight.  I had low expectations, because I started reading Anna Karenina twice (like, 200 pages of it before I gave up), and also the reviews of the movie were kind of "eh, it's okay."

NO.  IT WAS EXCELLENT.

Like holy cow, I finally understand what the big deal is.  I get why Tolstoy is a genius and why his books are literary classics.  He told a story founded on morality, but never became moralistic.  Apparently he started off the book wanting to write about a sinful wife and her righteous husband, but then he fell in love with Anna.  By loving her, she became a full-bodied individual human being, and we fall into adultery with her, understanding but hating it, and then we fall even deeper into consequences and despair and paranoia.  We live with her, and feel for her, and want to tell her to yes, go on! and stop, don't do it!  It's brilliant.

And that's just the plot.  The mastery of the framing of the story is just sensational.  The woman who plants the seed of "adultery is fun" in Anna's mind turns out to be Vronsky's mother, who later does all she can to break them up.  The death by train that causes Anna to admire Vronsky at the beginning foreshadows her own death at the end.  (And sidenote, the use of train wheels throughout the film to symbolize the uncontrollable descent of emotion is stunning.)

Anna is torn between passion and safety, and all the supporting characters live out little romances (or lack thereof) that deepen her story and reveal further nooks and crannies of what it means to love or to love well.

IT'S FREAKING AWESOME.  When it was over, Liz and I stared at each other before kind of screaming low and dying.  I love stories.  I am pretty easily won over by stories.  For instance, I loved Iron Man 3 last night.  But sometimes you encounter a story that is just beautiful in its truth and complexity, and you think, "OH, that's what storytelling is for."  What an amazing story, and a spectacular adaptation.

Already in my amazon wish list.

Iron Man 3

Maybe it's because I've just seen a superhero movie, but when I look to the days ahead and all the awesome movies being released, I imagine myself standing slowly, looking into the middle distance and intoning, "My time has come."

Because guys, there is nothing I do better than absorb stories and flail about them after.  I'm not even kidding when I say I think that is why God made me.  Someone needs to be a full-time appreciator.

Before I get into Iron Man 3, let me discuss the previews.  Namely, the preview for Thor 2.  Specifically, the two second clip of Loki.  My love.  I love him.  So much.  I am pretty sure that he's going to have to team up with Thor against the bigger threat of Malekith, but I am desperately hoping that the teamwork will stick around long enough for him to show up in Avengers 2.  Can you imagine the snarkiness when the rest of the team realizes he's on Team Good?  I CAN.

This is basically me living my Draco dream through a new character.  Why can't the poor little evil guys be redeemed and grudgingly admitted into the ranks of hero?  PLEASE.

Okay, Iron Man 3 beneath the cut.

Breaking News: Honesty is Awesome

I've long been a proponent of honesty, but somehow, I am still shocked by how lovely it really is in practice.

There's this girl at DTS who I have slowly become friends with.  And by friends, I mean we mock each other's Type A Academia and rant about humanism.  Until today, when we greeted each other in the few minutes before class started, and she said,

Her:  Would you like to be friends outside of class?
Me:  Yes!  I would!
Her:  Good, because what else would you say? 
Me:  No, I am totally satisfied with the relationship we currently have, the one in which we barely see each other.  This is good.
Her:  ...
Me:  I COULD have said that.  But no, I totally want to be your friend outside of class!

It's like, actually really nice to affirm feelings.  See, it's bombshells like these that make me such an insightful person.  Honestly, all of psychology is just this: putting labels on commonsense emotions and practices and describing things that people do every day.  And yet, somehow acknowledging and studying these simple truths makes them SO HUGE.

If you want to be someone's friend, ask to be their friend.  If you are already someone's friend and enjoy their company, tell them you are glad they are their friend!

Man, I am going to be the BEST counselor.  Just call me Captain Obvious.

This Blog Is Unnecessary

Here's a problem.  What if you are having so many fantastically deep conversations in real life, it doesn't feel necessary to write a blog post about anything?  It's almost as if, WHAT, there are real life people who are interested in my crazy and are eager to respond with enlightening perspectives.

I'm going to miss Liz when she moves out. 

...Perhaps I should begin a kidnapping scenario...

Loving Until It Hurts and Not Turning Cynical

I was just having a conversation with Liz about how my continual running up against not-love has made me bitter and jaded.  Then I burst out laughing, because I was freaking lying.  The love story of my life is that I like someone and they don't like me back.  After twenty-five years of that crap, I thought I ought to be bitter and jaded, so I said I was.  But that isn't true.  All it takes is the fluttering beginnings of a new crush, and I am right back to gasping adoration and painfully hoping for a future.  My heart never seems to learn.  And I guess that's a good thing?  To hope, I mean.  That is the Christian story, that darkness leads to light, that death leads to life.  We are a people built on hope fulfilled and hope not yet accomplished.  So, it's good that I keep hoping for love.  But at the same time, it suuuucks.  And then I found a poem!

a tale about one single person

i wish this was the story of how i became bitter
cold-hearted
or evil

instead
it's the story of how i cared so much that it hurt
it hurt
it still does

(r.d.)

Since I'm also currently writing a paper on my Myers-Briggs personality type (INFJ), I can psychologically conclude that I am a classic F--I feel deeply and widely, and I am the absolute worst at turning off my emotions.  So I'll just have to keep living with this, I guess!