During Story Time, we sang a song that pretty much went over the story of Sleeping Beauty, so after we finished I asked, "Have you heard that story before? Of a princess who fell asleep for a long, long time and was woken up by a prince's kiss?"
A little boy thought for a second, then answered, "We have friends named Evelyn and Richard. Richard tickles Evelyn's feet when she's asleep, and she wakes up!"
Yes, just like that.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Running Into An Old Teacher
Once a month, I go to each middle school for lunchtime Book Talks with the 7th and 8th graders. Yesterday's trip to DVMS proved the best yet! Or at least, the most entertaining, and also embarrassing.
See, my old AP History teacher is now the principal there, while my old AP English teacher is vice. In the year+ that I've been doing this, I've never run into Mr. Holmes. Until yesterday. He came in, started making an announcement about something-or-other, then stopped midsentence and said, "Oh, hi, Tricia!"
My face immediately went up in flames as I crossed the room to shake his hand and desperately thought, "Don't call him Hottie Mr. Holmes, do NOT call him Hottie Mr. Holmes."
"I didn't recognize you. You're all grown up!" he said.
"Yeah. And now you're a principal!"
"I grew up too."
"HAHAHA."
Then there was a little bit of awkward standing around where the DVMS school librarian filled him in on what I was doing and how I wouldn't be doing it much longer. I mostly stood there pulling ridiculous faces and then wondering, "WHY DID I DO THAT?"
Finally he broke in and said, "You went to the Olympics, right? You were a week late to school?"
I barely remember this. But I said he was right. Like I would contradict one of my favorite high school teachers, even if he were wrong.
"But then you came back and..."
WHAT!? I wanted him to say, "And then you rocked my class harder than any student I've ever had." But he didn't. He just trailed off with a smile. I assume he was thinking that, though.
"You've got a good memory," I stammered.
With a superior air, he said, "I remember things."
Once again, I freaked out. He remembers things, like how my friends and I used to call him Hottie Mr. Holmes? Did he know about that?!
Luckily, the subject was never broached, and we shook hands again and wished each other luck in our upcoming adventures.
It doesn't matter how old I get. Whenever I meet past authority figures, I immediately regress into childhood, or worse, adolescence.
See, my old AP History teacher is now the principal there, while my old AP English teacher is vice. In the year+ that I've been doing this, I've never run into Mr. Holmes. Until yesterday. He came in, started making an announcement about something-or-other, then stopped midsentence and said, "Oh, hi, Tricia!"
My face immediately went up in flames as I crossed the room to shake his hand and desperately thought, "Don't call him Hottie Mr. Holmes, do NOT call him Hottie Mr. Holmes."
"I didn't recognize you. You're all grown up!" he said.
"Yeah. And now you're a principal!"
"I grew up too."
"HAHAHA."
Then there was a little bit of awkward standing around where the DVMS school librarian filled him in on what I was doing and how I wouldn't be doing it much longer. I mostly stood there pulling ridiculous faces and then wondering, "WHY DID I DO THAT?"
Finally he broke in and said, "You went to the Olympics, right? You were a week late to school?"
I barely remember this. But I said he was right. Like I would contradict one of my favorite high school teachers, even if he were wrong.
"But then you came back and..."
WHAT!? I wanted him to say, "And then you rocked my class harder than any student I've ever had." But he didn't. He just trailed off with a smile. I assume he was thinking that, though.
"You've got a good memory," I stammered.
With a superior air, he said, "I remember things."
Once again, I freaked out. He remembers things, like how my friends and I used to call him Hottie Mr. Holmes? Did he know about that?!
Luckily, the subject was never broached, and we shook hands again and wished each other luck in our upcoming adventures.
It doesn't matter how old I get. Whenever I meet past authority figures, I immediately regress into childhood, or worse, adolescence.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Passing the Torch (of Books)
I found out who is replacing me at the library! And I love her! She just started working a month ago, but she's super friendly and competent, and I think I'll quite enjoy training her. I even feel okay about relinquishing the job to her, and I hold pretty tight to "my" things.
Just one more assurance that God is in control of all this.
Just one more assurance that God is in control of all this.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Don't Worry, I Haven't Completely Lost My Mind
A woman I love and respect questioned me about how it seemed like my decision to move to Dallas came up extremely quickly. Which is a totally reasonable opinion, since I haven't talked about this process at all until just now. In her words, "It's like you went to Dallas and thought, 'Ooo! Pink! I love pink! I'll move here!'" After explaining my story, she changed her sentiment to, "So you've been looking for pink for awhile, and then you saw it and jumped at it." Which, yes. Here's that story.
In January of 2009, I was walking through the halls of Marmara College in Istanbul with my friend Chris. We were discussing psychology and sociology, and he said that the only counseling he would want to do would be family counseling. I had never thought of that, and only knew I didn't want to be an abnormal psychologist. Germ of an idea began.
I learned that there were these things called missionary counselors, who travel around and work with missionaries on the field. That sounded super awesome amazing.
I moved to Senegal. I left Senegal. On the shuttle that took me from the Dakar airport to the plane, I happened to be standing next to a white woman with a cross necklace. I asked if she was a missionary, and she said she was a missionary counselor! I freaked out and asked her a bunch of questions.
Then I was overwhelmed. How could I be a missionary counselor without being a career missionary first? And how could I counsel families without having a family of my own?
I settled in Peoria and looked into various missions organizations. Some of you might remember the angst I went through the summer of 2010. Some people counseled me to just pick something and go, but I felt like God was telling me to wait. Unhappily, I did.
God threw a library job in my lap, and it taught me to take charge, to have opinions, to plan events, to communicate with kids, to gain a lot of confidence in my talents. And God threw multiple service opportunities into my lap at Woodland. I started teaching classes, and I led Bible studies for people of all ages. My confidence continued to grow, and I learned to be comfortable sharing my opinions.
For the last two years, I have prayed for God to show me the next step in life.
Various opportunities surfaced. Doba suggested I move to Mongolia and teach English. That was tempting, but it didn't click. My boss suggested I get a Master's in Library Science and succeed her as director. Tempting, but no click.
Then I visited Liz in Dallas, and everything clicked.
On the way to the airport, I told Liz, "I think I want to move to Dallas." She shrieked, but we agreed to wait and not act on impulse. Honestly, I figured it would fade when I got to Peoria.
But then several people asked why I weren't in grad school. I realized that my worried about not experiencing a career as a missionary or having a family were a bit like an excuse--as a counselor, I would never be able to experience everything my clients brought before me. When I looked further into DTS, I loved it. With every step I took--cancelling my apartment listing in Peoria, applying to DTS--I prayed and asked God to shut the door if this wasn't His will.
I was accepted into DTS, and in turn, I accepted that God would be with me in this scary new step.
THIS IS AWESOME.
First, because it makes sense of my time in Peoria. I have largely felt like my time here has been useless. Was I growing? Was I avoiding something God wanted me to do? Turns out, in that sneaky subtle way God has, he was preparing me exactly for this: My new-found confidence is exactly what I will need in Master's level work and in counseling.
Second, because I still have no idea what I'll do with my life. And I like it that way. God has hit me over the head with the idea that I don't get to see a ten-year plan. All I get to do is live with whatever He gives me until He gives me something else. It's scary, living with trust that God will show me the next step whenever He wants to. But it's so awesome! It makes God so much more evident in my life. I love waiting for Him to point me in the right direction. I love being able to say that God drops things in my lap. I have no doubt that He has been guiding me--to Union, to Turkey, to Senegal, to Peoria, and now to Dallas.
But even though I don't know what will happen in three years, it's cool to see that God is leading me further down a lot of paths that He's brought to my attention. I've long been intrigued by counseling. Maybe in the States, maybe overseas. I've also been intrigued by missionary work. To be a career missionary, most organizations require you to go to seminary. Lots of birds being killed by one stone!
I don't know where this will lead me, but I know that God has led me here.
He was awesome in the waiting, though I was not. And now in a new time of change, I'm so grateful to see that He never gave up on me. He was preparing me, and now it's time.
In January of 2009, I was walking through the halls of Marmara College in Istanbul with my friend Chris. We were discussing psychology and sociology, and he said that the only counseling he would want to do would be family counseling. I had never thought of that, and only knew I didn't want to be an abnormal psychologist. Germ of an idea began.
I learned that there were these things called missionary counselors, who travel around and work with missionaries on the field. That sounded super awesome amazing.
I moved to Senegal. I left Senegal. On the shuttle that took me from the Dakar airport to the plane, I happened to be standing next to a white woman with a cross necklace. I asked if she was a missionary, and she said she was a missionary counselor! I freaked out and asked her a bunch of questions.
Then I was overwhelmed. How could I be a missionary counselor without being a career missionary first? And how could I counsel families without having a family of my own?
I settled in Peoria and looked into various missions organizations. Some of you might remember the angst I went through the summer of 2010. Some people counseled me to just pick something and go, but I felt like God was telling me to wait. Unhappily, I did.
God threw a library job in my lap, and it taught me to take charge, to have opinions, to plan events, to communicate with kids, to gain a lot of confidence in my talents. And God threw multiple service opportunities into my lap at Woodland. I started teaching classes, and I led Bible studies for people of all ages. My confidence continued to grow, and I learned to be comfortable sharing my opinions.
For the last two years, I have prayed for God to show me the next step in life.
Various opportunities surfaced. Doba suggested I move to Mongolia and teach English. That was tempting, but it didn't click. My boss suggested I get a Master's in Library Science and succeed her as director. Tempting, but no click.
Then I visited Liz in Dallas, and everything clicked.
On the way to the airport, I told Liz, "I think I want to move to Dallas." She shrieked, but we agreed to wait and not act on impulse. Honestly, I figured it would fade when I got to Peoria.
But then several people asked why I weren't in grad school. I realized that my worried about not experiencing a career as a missionary or having a family were a bit like an excuse--as a counselor, I would never be able to experience everything my clients brought before me. When I looked further into DTS, I loved it. With every step I took--cancelling my apartment listing in Peoria, applying to DTS--I prayed and asked God to shut the door if this wasn't His will.
I was accepted into DTS, and in turn, I accepted that God would be with me in this scary new step.
THIS IS AWESOME.
First, because it makes sense of my time in Peoria. I have largely felt like my time here has been useless. Was I growing? Was I avoiding something God wanted me to do? Turns out, in that sneaky subtle way God has, he was preparing me exactly for this: My new-found confidence is exactly what I will need in Master's level work and in counseling.
Second, because I still have no idea what I'll do with my life. And I like it that way. God has hit me over the head with the idea that I don't get to see a ten-year plan. All I get to do is live with whatever He gives me until He gives me something else. It's scary, living with trust that God will show me the next step whenever He wants to. But it's so awesome! It makes God so much more evident in my life. I love waiting for Him to point me in the right direction. I love being able to say that God drops things in my lap. I have no doubt that He has been guiding me--to Union, to Turkey, to Senegal, to Peoria, and now to Dallas.
But even though I don't know what will happen in three years, it's cool to see that God is leading me further down a lot of paths that He's brought to my attention. I've long been intrigued by counseling. Maybe in the States, maybe overseas. I've also been intrigued by missionary work. To be a career missionary, most organizations require you to go to seminary. Lots of birds being killed by one stone!
I don't know where this will lead me, but I know that God has led me here.
He was awesome in the waiting, though I was not. And now in a new time of change, I'm so grateful to see that He never gave up on me. He was preparing me, and now it's time.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Doctor Who S1E12 "Bad Wolf"
Now the lame "The Long Game" has payoff. The Daleks have been lurking, manipulating the human race behind the scenes for hundreds of years. Too bad they had a spy in their midst, who essentially kidnapped the Doctor and alerted him to the problem.
And on top of that, we get a Hunger Games-esque look at the mindlessness of entertainment and violence. People are forced into reality TV shows where the losers die and the winner gets to live.
"Is that all?"
"Isn't that enough?"
I don't have much to say about that plot other than, yay, we need more media awareness (which I learned from a TV show, yes, the irony).
+ OTHER THINGS I LIKED +
+ Lynda with a Y. I never wanted her to be a full-time companion, but I quite like her. She's sweet, and a bit timid, but she's willing to be brave with a push. Speaking of companions, I meant to keep track of who asks who into that relationship.
Maybe someone else has written that meta.
+ Jack! Always. He's so refreshingly hilarious in the middle of this drama. Of course he gets put in a makeover show. His clothes disappear, and all he thinks is, "Your ratings have just gone up!" Then he pulls a gun from his bum and makes a grand escape, flirting with girls and boys and robots. That...might be the best sentence I've ever written.
+ Rose is so excited to answer a question with the Face of Boe. Little does she know HE IS IN HER TARDIS TEAM.
+ The daleks! This is, I think, the only time I found them suitably scary en masse. We knew one survived, but I thought that was just to give us some backstory on the Doctor. Then we get to "Bad Wolf" and there's a whole hidden fleet of half a million! Chills. I actually was afraid. Too bad they started showing up all over the place and stopped being so scary (or so believable that they were killed off).
+ Rose's disintegration. I mean, I knew she couldn't be dead. But my goosebumps sure weren't aware. And what a nice juxtaposition, Jack flying off the handle, threatening the ones who killed her, and all the Doctor can do is silently touch the spot where she last stood.
+ Until Jack solves the puzzle and she's alive! And the Doctor and Jack share a grinny hug! I love this TARDIS team.
+ And then. Oh, man. The Doctor confronts the daleks and promises to save Rose, and it. is. epic.
- OTHER THINGS I DID NOT LIKE -
- Why did Rose continue to play a game that she knew was killing people? I know she would have been killed to try to escape, but it seems out of character for her not to try anything.
- Ugh. That jerk of a contestant. I don't blame him for playing to win, but his total lack of pity was disgusting.
And on top of that, we get a Hunger Games-esque look at the mindlessness of entertainment and violence. People are forced into reality TV shows where the losers die and the winner gets to live.
"Is that all?"
"Isn't that enough?"
I don't have much to say about that plot other than, yay, we need more media awareness (which I learned from a TV show, yes, the irony).
+ OTHER THINGS I LIKED +
+ Lynda with a Y. I never wanted her to be a full-time companion, but I quite like her. She's sweet, and a bit timid, but she's willing to be brave with a push. Speaking of companions, I meant to keep track of who asks who into that relationship.
Maybe someone else has written that meta.
+ Jack! Always. He's so refreshingly hilarious in the middle of this drama. Of course he gets put in a makeover show. His clothes disappear, and all he thinks is, "Your ratings have just gone up!" Then he pulls a gun from his bum and makes a grand escape, flirting with girls and boys and robots. That...might be the best sentence I've ever written.
+ Rose is so excited to answer a question with the Face of Boe. Little does she know HE IS IN HER TARDIS TEAM.
+ The daleks! This is, I think, the only time I found them suitably scary en masse. We knew one survived, but I thought that was just to give us some backstory on the Doctor. Then we get to "Bad Wolf" and there's a whole hidden fleet of half a million! Chills. I actually was afraid. Too bad they started showing up all over the place and stopped being so scary (or so believable that they were killed off).
+ Rose's disintegration. I mean, I knew she couldn't be dead. But my goosebumps sure weren't aware. And what a nice juxtaposition, Jack flying off the handle, threatening the ones who killed her, and all the Doctor can do is silently touch the spot where she last stood.
+ Until Jack solves the puzzle and she's alive! And the Doctor and Jack share a grinny hug! I love this TARDIS team.
+ And then. Oh, man. The Doctor confronts the daleks and promises to save Rose, and it. is. epic.
- OTHER THINGS I DID NOT LIKE -
- Why did Rose continue to play a game that she knew was killing people? I know she would have been killed to try to escape, but it seems out of character for her not to try anything.
- Ugh. That jerk of a contestant. I don't blame him for playing to win, but his total lack of pity was disgusting.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
It's Decided
I'm moving to Dallas in August to start school again.
Ah!
No but really, I feel quite good about this decision, about making a decision.
It happened the night before my birthday. Rather sillily (should be a word but isn't), I thought I ought to read my Bible and devotional stuff to get my 24th year off to a good start. The next chapter in Tozer's Knowledge of the Holy was on the love of God. It was all kind of perfunctory until he talked about how "perfect love casts out fear."
That is a beautiful idea, but I've never fully understood it. The way Tozer explained it was this: when you're a kid out shopping with your parents, everything is fine until suddenly you realize they are nowhere to be found! Suddenly the clerks and the fellow shoppers are ominous, the hangers and clothes are dangerous, and the world is a scary place. Then your parents run to you, hug you, and the store is back to normal. Not scary at all.
God is our parent, and when we are assured of His presence and love, things shouldn't be so scary.
I realized that all my reasons for not going to Dallas were based in fear. And once I realized that God would go with me, and that trusting Him to take care of me was all that really mattered....the choice was simple.
So I'm going.
I talked to my boss, and she took it far better than I assumed. Everything about this journey has been too easy and too simple and too perfect. This is not my plan. It's God's. I'm excited to see where it will take me!
And a little scared. But I'm learning to let go of that because my God is bigger than anything that could happen to me.
Ah!
No but really, I feel quite good about this decision, about making a decision.
It happened the night before my birthday. Rather sillily (should be a word but isn't), I thought I ought to read my Bible and devotional stuff to get my 24th year off to a good start. The next chapter in Tozer's Knowledge of the Holy was on the love of God. It was all kind of perfunctory until he talked about how "perfect love casts out fear."
That is a beautiful idea, but I've never fully understood it. The way Tozer explained it was this: when you're a kid out shopping with your parents, everything is fine until suddenly you realize they are nowhere to be found! Suddenly the clerks and the fellow shoppers are ominous, the hangers and clothes are dangerous, and the world is a scary place. Then your parents run to you, hug you, and the store is back to normal. Not scary at all.
God is our parent, and when we are assured of His presence and love, things shouldn't be so scary.
I realized that all my reasons for not going to Dallas were based in fear. And once I realized that God would go with me, and that trusting Him to take care of me was all that really mattered....the choice was simple.
So I'm going.
I talked to my boss, and she took it far better than I assumed. Everything about this journey has been too easy and too simple and too perfect. This is not my plan. It's God's. I'm excited to see where it will take me!
And a little scared. But I'm learning to let go of that because my God is bigger than anything that could happen to me.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Dallas Theological Seminary
When I visited Liz in Dallas for New Year's, I had a blast! I loved living with someone my own age, making dinner, staying up late to watch movies, and going for walks and talks around a metropolitan city. Especially those talks. I dearly love my friends in Peoria, and I appreciate getting to see people in other stages of life, to either think back on what I did or to look forward to what might be coming my way. However, it is very nice in life to have people in your same life stage to talk to, complain to, rave with, and fantasize with.
Liz and I hung out with many single people. Who were older than me. I thought my heart would burst from the realization that I am not broken or malformed or somehow horrendously unattractive. Not everyone in the world has a significant other! My branch of Peoria is just weird for the chronic coupleness. And then I got over thinking about myself and had so much fun.
The key difference between people like me and people in relationships is the outlook on life. I am free! I can move across the world and put myself in weird situations and maybe even die, and no one is worse because of it. Sure, some people will be sad. But it's not like leaving a spouse or kids behind. Young single Christians have this intoxicating "I can change the world and see the world and change myself!" attitude that I have sorely missed.
It's little wonder that as Liz drove me to the airport, I mentioned wanting to move to Dallas.
But that was a pipe dream, right? I thought about it, then put it aside.
Until several people started saying how weird it was that I haven't gone back to graduate school yet. I scoffed at first, because what would I go to graduate school for? The only thing I've ever been interested in is relationship or missionary counseling, but I'd long ago decided I had to wait and wait and wait to study counseling.
Who am I to counsel missionaries if I haven't been on the field for several years? Who am I to counsel families if I haven't been married myself? As I thought through these questions once more, I realized how stupid they are. I will never be able to experience everything that a client might come in to talk about (nor do I necessarily want to). The point is to meet people where they are with the knowledge I have, whether or not I've experienced it personally.
There's one excuse down.
I kept thinking about these two girls I met in Dallas. One wanted to be a missionary, but wasn't able to go overseas yet. She decided to move to Dallas and go to seminary 1) to get theological training and 2) to start pushing herself outside her comfort zone in preparation of living in a foreign culture internationally. The other girl was studying counseling, had lived in Turkey, and was a mirror of what I might become.
So I looked into getting a Master's of Biblical Counseling at Dallas Theological Seminary (DTS). I applied, I cancelled the apartment with Laura, and I've just found out that I was accepted.
Yay! Right? Except now I'm doubting. I have a lovely life in Peoria. Why would I want to leave Woodland and all the friends I have there?
For one, I think that yes, I do have a great present in Peoria. But do I have a great future? Doubtful. Working as a librarian has been super fun, but it's not something I want to do forever. And it's not like there are any other jobs in Peoria enticing me. As for friends, they are graduating from high school or college, getting married, and having kids. They're on a different life path than I am. Eventually (if I'm not already) I will be the weird third wheel who doesn't fit in and is always accutely aware of her differences, even if no one else cares.
For another, I suck at clinging to God when I'm comfortable. Living at home, going to church where everyone knows my name and gladly lets me serve? So easy to be complacent. I'm even leading a Bible study on spiritual revival, and I suck. I'm reading it, thinking "ooo that's so good!" and not caring. I'm following through on suggestions, confessing sins and cutting things out of my life, and I'm not caring. I have become a service monster, someone who does all the right things and says all the right things, but doesn't have an intimate relationship with the Person who is being served.
I've tried for two years to escape that, but the only way I can figure to make a real difference is to get outside my comfort zone. Undoubtedly there are more ways to be uncomfortable than to move to another city with very few friends. But also, that is definitely a way to be uncomfortable.
Then again, uncomfortable?? Why would I ever do that to myself? I love being comfortable!
And school? The average age at DTS is 33. Now, I'm sick and tired of feeling super old. But I'm also not dying to be the baby again. Especially when it means being a baby with a bunch of older, more experienced people at school who will be so much smarter and more intimidating than me.
Already this blog post is enormously long. I could argue back and forth for at least twenty more pages, but I'm going to cut this short.
I've been accepted to DTS to begin my Master's in Fall 2012. Should I go? I DON'T EVEN KNOW.
Liz and I hung out with many single people. Who were older than me. I thought my heart would burst from the realization that I am not broken or malformed or somehow horrendously unattractive. Not everyone in the world has a significant other! My branch of Peoria is just weird for the chronic coupleness. And then I got over thinking about myself and had so much fun.
The key difference between people like me and people in relationships is the outlook on life. I am free! I can move across the world and put myself in weird situations and maybe even die, and no one is worse because of it. Sure, some people will be sad. But it's not like leaving a spouse or kids behind. Young single Christians have this intoxicating "I can change the world and see the world and change myself!" attitude that I have sorely missed.
It's little wonder that as Liz drove me to the airport, I mentioned wanting to move to Dallas.
But that was a pipe dream, right? I thought about it, then put it aside.
Until several people started saying how weird it was that I haven't gone back to graduate school yet. I scoffed at first, because what would I go to graduate school for? The only thing I've ever been interested in is relationship or missionary counseling, but I'd long ago decided I had to wait and wait and wait to study counseling.
Who am I to counsel missionaries if I haven't been on the field for several years? Who am I to counsel families if I haven't been married myself? As I thought through these questions once more, I realized how stupid they are. I will never be able to experience everything that a client might come in to talk about (nor do I necessarily want to). The point is to meet people where they are with the knowledge I have, whether or not I've experienced it personally.
There's one excuse down.
I kept thinking about these two girls I met in Dallas. One wanted to be a missionary, but wasn't able to go overseas yet. She decided to move to Dallas and go to seminary 1) to get theological training and 2) to start pushing herself outside her comfort zone in preparation of living in a foreign culture internationally. The other girl was studying counseling, had lived in Turkey, and was a mirror of what I might become.
So I looked into getting a Master's of Biblical Counseling at Dallas Theological Seminary (DTS). I applied, I cancelled the apartment with Laura, and I've just found out that I was accepted.
Yay! Right? Except now I'm doubting. I have a lovely life in Peoria. Why would I want to leave Woodland and all the friends I have there?
For one, I think that yes, I do have a great present in Peoria. But do I have a great future? Doubtful. Working as a librarian has been super fun, but it's not something I want to do forever. And it's not like there are any other jobs in Peoria enticing me. As for friends, they are graduating from high school or college, getting married, and having kids. They're on a different life path than I am. Eventually (if I'm not already) I will be the weird third wheel who doesn't fit in and is always accutely aware of her differences, even if no one else cares.
For another, I suck at clinging to God when I'm comfortable. Living at home, going to church where everyone knows my name and gladly lets me serve? So easy to be complacent. I'm even leading a Bible study on spiritual revival, and I suck. I'm reading it, thinking "ooo that's so good!" and not caring. I'm following through on suggestions, confessing sins and cutting things out of my life, and I'm not caring. I have become a service monster, someone who does all the right things and says all the right things, but doesn't have an intimate relationship with the Person who is being served.
I've tried for two years to escape that, but the only way I can figure to make a real difference is to get outside my comfort zone. Undoubtedly there are more ways to be uncomfortable than to move to another city with very few friends. But also, that is definitely a way to be uncomfortable.
Then again, uncomfortable?? Why would I ever do that to myself? I love being comfortable!
And school? The average age at DTS is 33. Now, I'm sick and tired of feeling super old. But I'm also not dying to be the baby again. Especially when it means being a baby with a bunch of older, more experienced people at school who will be so much smarter and more intimidating than me.
Already this blog post is enormously long. I could argue back and forth for at least twenty more pages, but I'm going to cut this short.
I've been accepted to DTS to begin my Master's in Fall 2012. Should I go? I DON'T EVEN KNOW.
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