Legalism

I'm reading a book called The Christian Atheist, about people who believe in God but live as if He doesn't exist. It's quite good, if not mind blowing. But I got to a chapter about how people kind of give up on pursuing God because they don't believe that He loves them.

That resonated with me a little, but I quickly assured myself that of course God loves me. I've read Tozer. God is love, and God's attributes are constant. But then this author went into a paragraph that included this mental process: "We helped someone in need. He loves me. We walked past a person in need. He loves me not."

Hold up. That's my thought process, deep under any thoughts I would admit to or even realize. But there it is--I've bought into legalism, the idea that God is happier with me when I am doing good things, leading Bible studies, confessing sins, and conversing with people I wouldn't normally talk to.

The funny thing is that I should have realized legalism is death. I feel nothing! No matter how many church activities I've gotten involved in these past two years, I still feel so far from God. I feel like an employee who phones in to her boss on a project's progress, not like a beloved daughter sharing life with her daddy.

What's the answer to defeating legalism? I don't know. I don't think doing the opposite of good things is going to help anything.

Right now I'm thinking that a big life shake up might really be what I need. God and I are quite aware that I pay more attention to Him when I'm out of my comfort zone.

Next Stop: Turkey

Mom and I were travel-comparing this weekend, and I think I've been out of the country 8 times in 8 years to 10 different countries with 2 repeats.

2004--Greece
2005--Germany, Austria, Switzerland, England
2007--Vancouver
2007--Greece
2009--Turkey, Netherlands
2010--Senegal
2010--Senegal
2011--Mongolia

Soon to be added:

2012--Turkey

Here's that story.  My library book distributor who I really enjoy and whom I would like to become his daughter-in-law stopped by to chat a couple weeks ago.  He knew I liked to travel, so he told me his son had just called him up and said, "I found really cheap tickets to Iceland, so some friends and I are going there for the weekend!" 

Naturally, I thought that was completely awesome, and it inspired me to check out airline prices.  I found a flight to Turkey for only $880, which is quite good, so I facebooked Stephanie to see if I could visit her in May.  She said yes.  I asked my boss for a week off, Stephanie asked her boss if it was okay, and the next day I bought the tickets.

I kind of really love that buying tickets to Turkey is not a big deal.  Because really it's not!  Traveling overseas is not much different than traveling domestically, especially when you know someone on the other end to meet up with.

Thank goodness I'm leaving the country in less than two months.  Wanderlust has been hitting me HARD CORE the past month or so.  I'm annoying myself with how often I say, "I want to go to Britain!  I want to go back to Mongolia!  I want to go back to Harry Potter World!"

My hobby is expensive and time consuming.  But I love it.

Doctor Who S1E11 "Boom Town"

Ugh, the Slitheen.  Again?  That was my thought going into this episode both times, and both times it turned out to be an awesome episode!  Mostly because it puts the monster stuff to the side and instead grapples with issues like execution, culpability, and moving on.

Only one Slitheen left on Earth, and she's willing to destroy it to escape.  The Doctor, Jack, Rose, and Mickey catch her, and decide to take her to her home planet, where she faces capital punishment.  The majority of the episode is made up of the Slitheen attempting to escape through poisonous finger darts or poisonous words.  And she makes some good points.

"I didn't make the law."
"But you're delivering it."

Hmm.  I like when villains are the voice of reason.

In the end, the Slitheen makes a massive escape attempt, stares into the heart of the TARDIS (foreshadowing!), and regresses back into an egg.  The Doctor and co. decide to drop her off in a Slitheen hatchery where maybe she won't grow up to be an evil planet-usurper.

+ OTHER STUFF I LIKED +

+ The first scene!  Oh my word!  Doctor/Rose/Jack is the snappiest, crackliest, wittiest group!  Add Mickey as their punchbag, and the hilarity and snarkiness goes to 11.  Oh how I wish this group could have lasted longer.

Aw, they cut off Jack's "whatever" sign.  That deserves another +.

+ Jack telling embarrassing stories and everyone sitting around laughing uproariously.  I get that those happy moments don't make for exciting TV, but I want more of that!  That's what fanfic is for, I guess, to fill in the gaps.  Some episodes slide together one after another, but there is very obviously many adventures between "The Doctor Dances" and "Boom Town."  Jack has fit into the group, so I like to think they had a bunch of adventures for maybe a month or two.

+ Bad Wolf!  The Doctor even mentions it, all dramatic like.  But when Rose starts to get scared, he flips a switch and says it's nothing.  Does he really have an inkling of what is to come, or does he really think it's a coincidence?  Hard to tell.

+ The Slitheen calling the Doctor out, saying only a killer would understand her so well.  He doesn't disagree.  Oh, Doctor, you are so messed up.  I love you.

+ Torchwood!  This is the rift that Jack will build his base on.  I know those London landmarks!  I just...oh Jack.  I wish you could have stayed on Doctor Who.  You're much better as a funny accomplice than the angsty hero.

- OTHER THINGS I DID NOT LIKE -

- Mickey.  I mean, I'm sorry you feel so useless.  But....you are.  Stop trying.  You don't fit into the Dream Team, no matter how many times you try.   The rest of the TARDIS crew run toward danger with smiles on their faces.  Mickey curls up in a ball or clings to the nearest mother-figure.  Of course that makes him the most human and relatable, but I don't watch an adventure show to sympathize with someone who doesn't like adventure.

- Rose is willing to sleep with Mickey?  I don't get that.  Last episode she was definitely flirting with the Doctor.  I guess flirting was not indicative of feelings as deep as I wanted them to be.  Not like the Doctor, who looks sadly as Rose talks to Mickey and then watches on video as she walks hand-in-hand with him away from the TARDIS.  ("I do that!  I hold her hand!  Not YOU.")

Of course, all Rose does the whole time is talk about the Doctor, so she's obviously not as in to Mickey as she wants to be.  And at the first sign of danger, she runs to the Doctor without even glancing behind to see that Mickey isn't following.  Only after everything has been settled does she go back to look for him, but he avoids her.

I suppose Rose is clinging to her old life a bit.  Wanting the new adventure, but yeah, she wants a backup.  That's terribly unfair of her, and Mickey suffers for it, but I can understand.  I'd wager by now life in London is the one that looks a bit not-real to her, and she doesn't realize that Mickey is still living day-to-day, never knowing if she'll show up or not.

Now she knows, and she won't go back to Mickey in a romantic way again.

Doctor Who S1E09 and E10 "The Empty Child" and "The Doctor Dances"

When I was first watching Doctor Who, I would return to the library each morning and fill Laura in on my opinions.  Since I had really fallen for the show in the last couple episodes, I only had one real complaint.  The alien monsters.  They were not scary at best, laughable at worst.  We discussed how the over-the-top costumes always made it more ridiculous, and Laura assured me that coming up, there was an episode that would scare the pants off me.

This is that episode (two-parter).

A child wearing a gas mask, turning up places and asking, "Are you my mummy?"  That doesn't sound so terrifying, right?  WRONG.  Oh my word, I was blankets-up-to-my face scared.

Of course, this plot also has maybe the happiest ending of all.  "Everybody lives!"  Never has the Doctor been so joyous.  This is really his turning point, when he starts to believe that the Time War will not forever burden him with unspeakable guilt and shame.  Nope, all the guilt and sadness comes back at the end of season 2.  But for now, the Doctor is happy!  And I think the joy of the end of the story wouldn't be nearly so huge if it hadn't been for the dark, scary lead up.

+ OTHER THINGS I LIKED +

+ Doctor/Rose.  Duh.  This is the first episode where I was sure I wasn't shipping them without their consent.  When the Doctor and Rose are flirtily talking about dancing (ahem, yeah sure, dancing), and Rose offers her hand?  Ooo la la.  Rose is starting to see the Doctor as a romantic possibility, and while the Doctor fell for her first, he's also super awkward about it.  "I'm resonating concrete, can't dance now" basically.

Until they do start to slow dance, gazing into each other's eyes so intently that they don't even realize they've been teleported onto Jack's ship.

+ JACK!  I love Captain Jack Harkness.  He is flirty (with anyone and everyone), bold, a little bad, and very funny.  I actually like him quite a bit more when he shows up on Doctor Who than when he is leading his own show Torchwood.  In Doctor Who, he has a joie de virve, whereas when he is the hero of Torchwood, he mostly angsts.  Give me humor over brooding anyday.

+ Doctor/Rose/Jack.  Not in a threesome.  Even if Jack would be down with that.  Nope, I like them as the TARDIS team.  In fact, they are probably my favorite!  Three people on board is the best, I think, because each relationship sheds light on the others.  For instance, I don't think the Doctor would have manned up and starting showing his love for Rose nearly so soon if it hadn't been for Jack swinging in and flirting with her.

"I'll dance with you, Rose," says handsome Jack with a smile.
"Er, nope, look!  I remembered how to dance!  Dance with me, Rose!" says the big-eared, big-nosed Doctor.

Of course I ship them.  Men who are boys and barely know how to express themselves without going overboard?  All over that mess.

+ Nancy!  She is a fantastic one-episode (two-parter) protagonist.  She's ominous at first, showing up out of nowhere.  She mocks the Doctor's face lovingly, like you do.  She takes care of orphaned kids by stealing food, teaching them manners, and helping them flee.  And she's carrying around this big awful secret that is literally haunting her.  AND THEN.  And then the Doctor solves the problem, and everybody lives!  Have I already mentioned how awesome that was?  Yes?  It was awesome.

- OTHER THINGS I DID NOT LIKE -

- The cliffhanger between episodes.  Really?  All you have to do is tell them to go to their room?  What an anti-climax.

That is all that comes to mind.  The episodes are just flying now!

Doctor Who S1E08 "Father's Day"

I had to skip "The Long Game."  It's been over a month since my last Doctor Who episode, precisely because I don't care for that episode.  It sets up the season 1 finale quite nicely, but on a rewatch, I simply don't care.

On to "Father's Day"!  If "Dalek" was the first time I was impressed by the show, "Father's Day" was the first time I was emotionally touched by the story.  Even now, a second time...tears streaming down my face.  THIS is was time-travel storying was made for.

Rose grew up with a dead father.  As the Doctor points out, she wasn't interested in traveling through space with him until he mentioned the TARDIS also travels through time.  You have to wonder how long she's been working up to ask the Doctor to go back in time to her father's death day.

Everything about that scene is perfect.  All Rose wants is to hold her father's hand while he dies, to comfort him in his last moments.  But she watches the car hit him, and she can't do it.  She runs away.  That rings very true to me.  Then we get a glimpse of the Doctor's affection for her, allowing her a second chance, even though it means risking upsetting the time balance.

Which it of course does, when Rose runs out to push her father out of the car's path, altering history.  Long story short, time disruption monsters are now terrorizing everyone because of her choice.  A bunch of people hole up in a church (where her parents were attending a friend's wedding), and the day must be saved.

What makes this episode so fantastic is Rose.  This is definitely the moment I fell in love with her.  Before this, I was all about the Doctor.  In "Dalek" Rose intrigued me.  In "Father's Day" she stole my heart.  Her crying!  My word, can Billie Piper cry. 

The Tyler family is one of the greatest fictional families of all time.  Rose was raised to believe that Pete was a clever man, and that her mother Jackie loved him dearly.  Then she goes back in time and watches them fight, flinging accusations of adultery and uselessness. 

The thing is, though, despite his awful business sense, Pete is a clever man.  He works out that Rose is his daughter from the future extraordinarily quickly.  And he also works out that the only way to set the universe straight is to let himself be killed, as he was meant to be.

The scenes between Pete and Rose are the tear-jerkers.  Rose tries to paint a picture of the future for her dad, assuring him that he always read her stories before bed and took her on picnics on Saturdays.  It is Pete's knowledge that he would not be such a great father that 1) tips him off that he's meant to be dead, and 2) gives him the strength to be killed.  Words cannot describe how much I love this!  I love broken, failed characters.  I love even more when self-awareness of their brokenness is what inspires an act of great compassion and heroism.

In the end, Rose does what she initially set out to do: she holds her father as he dies, comforting him in his last moments.  He got to see what a wonder his daughter would grow up to be; she got to hang out with her dad and watch him live up to everything she always imagined he would be.

TEARS.  Down my face.

+ OTHER THINGS I LIKED +

+ The focus is not on the Doctor, but there's some good development with him too.  His affection for Rose is obviously deepening.  He never corrects anyone who calls them a couple.  He is furious at her for saving her father and disrupting time, but all it takes is one apology before he grins and envelops her in a big hug.  He works out that Pete has to die, but instead of telling anyone, he offers himself up to the monsters to give them time.

That is huge!  The Doctor dies!  Just because he knows telling the truth would make Rose sad.  I think he loves her.

+Jackie Tyler is always good for a laugh.  Her immediate reaction to Pete telling her that Rose is his daughter is to assume he was 12 when he had her, and does he have a bunch of daughters, all named Rose!?  What kind of a sicko did she marry!?

+The Doctor's eyeroll and runaway after Jackie's paranoid rant.

+The Doctor tries to imprint Baby Rose with some obedience.  "Good girl. Yes, you are. You're not gonna bring about the end of the world now are you?"

+The Doctor's fantastic speech to the couple who would have gotten married.  They say they know they aren't important, but could he save them anyway?  He responds,  "Who said you're not important? I've travelled to all sorts of places, done things you can't even imagine. But... you two... street corner, two in the morning. Getting a taxi home. I never had a life like that. Yes, I'll try to save you."  More tears.

+Rose is a great compilation of her parents.  She's sassy like Jackie, willing to fight tooth and nail for her family.  But she's also clever like Pete, quick to believe in fantastical possibilities.  Pete jumps into a life-threatening situation in order to save the one he loves, and Rose, in just a couple episodes, will do the same.

+Baby Mickey, running up to hug adult Rose.  HAHAHA.  "I think he imprinted on me like a baby duck."  At least that explains their ridiculous relationship.

+The music.

- OTHER THINGS I DID NOT LIKE -

-Um, nothing?  I mean, I hate that the Doctor and Rose get so violently at each other's throats, but also I love it.  Ditto with Jackie and Pete.  Their relationship problems makes the story all the more poignant.

One of my favorite episodes of the whole dang series.

I'm Missing Mongolia

A couple weeks ago at Bible Study, Lindsay nodded vehemently when my grandma said people were worried when I set off to spend three weeks in Mongolia.  I was flabbergasted, because why?  I knew Gany.  I'd hung out with her....three times.  And was headed to her country halfway around the world to live with someone I had never met.  Okay, so yeah, people might find that scary.

But I didn't. 

I loved it.  I want to relive it, and I want to return.  Why do I have to do real life?  Can't I just travel all the time?

Feast Days

I've never been guided through Lent before (see earlier article re: Baptist girl).  Turns out there are 46 days between Fat Tuesday and Easter!  If you know that my water-only beverage program is called 40 Days of Water, then you might be headscratching.  The discrepancy is worked out by having one day a week--usually Sundays--as feast days (opposite of fast days).

I love this.

And not just for the obvious reason of enjoying a mug of coffee this morning.  Like all the best things about fasting and Lent, feast days are full of meaning.

Having a feast day once a week reminds me that fasting is not about me.  I cannot get stuck in an oh-woe-is-me mentality when every 7th day I can drink whatever I want.  More than that, it reminds me that my God is a good God.  He does not delight in depriving me of good things.  He delights in my sacrifice, and He delights in my bounty.  He demands my all, and He gives me life.

My hope is that during feast days I mentally move beyond "CAFFEINE!!!" and thank God for the abundance of delicious beverages at my fingertips.  Enjoying hot chocolate and soda will remind me that many people in the world do not even have clean water to drink, let alone my $4 Starbucks drink.

My feast days remind me that God is good and abundant.  They keep me from becoming too prideful.  And they spur me on to the next week of fasting.