I'm staying in Dallas.
For two reasons, the first of which I mentioned in the blog post about my group therapy experience. The second reason was an unintentionally thought-provoking statement by my brother. We joke sometimes, trying to convince each other to move to our own city so we can live in the same place again. "I just think you're unreliable," Roy said. "If I moved to Dallas, within a month you would have decided to move somewhere else."
He wasn't wrong. I kept turning the phrase over and over. It made me laugh. It made me feel good that he knows me so well. It made me flinch, knowing that people see me as unreliable, and worse, that they are right to do so.
A couple days ago I decided I didn't want to be that person. Ever since I started looking for colleges, I have always had my eye on The Next Thing. I don't let anywhere become my home because what if something new comes up? I'm not averse to moving, and I haven't had some crazy change-of-personality...the idea of staying in Dallas for the rest of my life curdles my stomach. But I'm deciding not to look for somewhere to move. I'm deciding to say Dallas is my home, I will be at home here, this city is my home base.
As soon as I made that decision, I realized I had blown the Greece option out of the water. Dina never once asked me to move to Athens. She never said she wanted me there next summer. Suddenly everything fell into perspective. I do think this opportunity is uniquely suited to my interests and passions. But the things that excite me most--blogging about it to raise awareness of her work, providing support to the staff--are things that fit nicely into a two-week trip. A month. I can stay in Dallas and take a month-long trip to Athens. I don't have to move there.
It all seems very obvious from this side. Three months of worrying and stressing... *eyeroll*
Isn't it interesting how some things are resolved by themselves after we stew over them for a long time? I am glad you have decided to stay in Dallas. I don't "need" you emotionally but I like you and admire you and it is really nice to see you once in a while. I feel that you will be happy with your decision and that it is the best one. It is really sweet to be in a place where someone needs you and appreciates you and tells you so. Bless that supervisor for finally smiling and letting you in on his plans for you! There is a lesson here too. When you appreciate someone or need someone, always let them know. This has stood me in good stead many times during my work career. Tricia, you a fine person and I am proud to know you!
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