Followup with Optimism

I guess I wasn't exactly clear or objective in my last post.  I hope that can be forgiven, since I was in the middle of a mild emotional breakdown.  Now that I've put my emotions back together, I have new thoughts.

What my discontent really boils down to is that I am not happy with what God is teaching me.  When He takes me overseas and tells me about new people and new needs, I am joyously happy to soak it all in and jump on that bandwagon.  I am all about having a heart for 95% of the world (the non-US part).

But now God is working at making me complete, about sharing God's heart for the whole world, which includes my country, the country that messed me up and gave me freedoms and constantly talks inside my head.  Countries are like families.  They're a mix of good and bad, but no matter what, you're stuck with what they teach you.

And it's all very silly, really.  Back when I met Lauren, I prayed that God would enable me to be a mentor.  I feel like my entire Christian life has been one big sucking experience, a word which I'm using to mean "taking" and not "awful."  I want to give back.  The Great Commission says to go out and make disciples.  I want to make disciples.  God has given me several opportunities to do so.

So once I stop being selfish and whiny, I think I will realize that God is smart and has put me here for awesome reasons.  I can even think of several!

1.  I'm with my Woodland family again.  Nothing makes me happier.  And I really mean nothing.  I was more exited to be a part of Woodland again than I was to see the LOST finale.  I might be acting a little facetious.

2.  I am making money, which can be put toward many adventures and missions and mission adventures in the future!

3.  I am within ten minutes to seven hours of my closest friends, which is far better than a thousand dollar plane trip away.

4.  I am going to be a part of a multi-age Bible study!  I've wanted to do that for years.  And in a funny twist like God does, I am leading that.

*story:  The first week I was back, I was at the Monahans, sharing all my ideas and desires for Woodland.  The multi-age Bible study was one of them.  As I was complaining about the lack of such a thing, Wendy shrugged and said kind of aggressively, "Why don't you just lead it?"  I scoffed and avoided the subject, and now here I am!*

5.  I get to work at a library!  That has always been a dream of mine.  Roy was a librarian for awhile, and then Mom got in on the dream-stealing action, but finally it is my turn!  Of course, this is also with a God-twist, because I'm going to be working mostly with children.  I'm okay with that, but the irony is best summed up with another

*story:  When the women at the library ask my mom about me, saying, "Tricia's the new youth librarian?  She must love kids!"  My mom has to pause then say, "Well.  She loves books!  And she is excited to get kids to love books too."*

Okay, anyway, there are many good things in my life right now.  I'm just an imperfect person, and while I made progress on trusting God with the big things in my life, I have not yet learned to trust God with the little things.