Alright, so we've got needs that were not met as children, and we spend the rest of our lives flailing around trying to meet them through negative coping strategies. It's all rather hopeless until you look at John 4.
Jesus meets with the Samaritan woman at the well, and they talk about water. The woman draws water from the well, and it's effective, but it has to be done every single day, and it's work. Jesus says He's got living water, water that never runs out, that springs out by itself without needing to be drawn. The Samaritan woman is smart; she wants that living water. But Jesus starts talking about her husband. Whoops, husbands and extra lover. Turns out it's not water Jesus was talking about but relationships. Just like the woman worked to get water, she worked to get her needs met by men. Jesus promises living water, promises to meet her needs so fully that she doesn't have to resort to manipulating people into loving and caring and respecting her.
That's lovely, isn't it? That's the hope offered by Christianity.
Except sometimes, God doesn't meet our needs. During break, I told this to the girl sitting next to me, and she said, "Oh, of course He does. He can do anything and..." I'll be honest, I stopped listening almost immediately. She'd just gotten engaged. Clearly she didn't have a problem trusting God.
Dr. Dickens is a nosy guy, so he said, "It sounds like you two are processing over there. Let us in!" So I told him that it seems like God doesn't meet all our needs, and he frowned and nodded.
"God meets our ways in three ways, I think. One, He meets our needs supernaturally, like those peaceful feelings to you can't explain etc. Two, He meets our needs through people, and often they don't even know they're giving you exactly what you need. And three, sometimes He doesn't answer our needs."
I almost teared up. Turns out people telling the truth is crazy validating.
He continued, "Sometimes God doesn't meet our needs. He sees us, and He sees our needs, and He knows they are legitimate. But sometimes He doesn't meet them because He wants us to know we can survive without it. Sometimes we've made the need into something bigger than it really is and He teaches us perspective. Sometimes we never know why He doesn't meet them."
And yes. Yes yes yes.
As mentioned in the previous post, one of my biggest needs is for a vulnerable, committed intimate relationship. Ever since I was a kid, I've wanted a best friend. I want so desperately to have someone to share life with, to make memories and grow together and say, "Hey, remember that time ten years ago? Me too." I've always wanted that, and I've never gotten it. I've had some lovely groups of friends. I've had a couple people who were best friends for a while, but then college ends, or they move, or I move. I've learned that this need really fucking hurts, so I usually employ my coping strategy and get the hell out of dodge before I feel so attached to someone that it's going to hurt when they leave.
And of course, I really want to get married. That's the ultimate committed, vulnerable relationship, right? I want it bad. But none of the guys I've been interested in have been interested back, and that gets really old after a decade, so I started saying, "Marriage? Screw marriage! Not only is singleness a gift from God, I super enjoy the gift! In your face, marriage!" While I will vehemently defend singleness as a gift from God, I have to admit that I hate every minute of it.
So I've got this need for long-term intimate relationships, and I've pretended I don't have it, and I've tried to look perfect so that people would be drawn to me and at least I'd get some kind of affirmation. But that's tiring. I'm tired of looking perfect. I'm tired of getting people to like the Perfect Version of myself. It's absolutely exhausting, and Jesus's living water sounds really fantastic right now.
Only the answer seems to be no.
Now, you can say I have a long-term intimate relationship with God, and you're right. I should definitely explore that and give it more credit. But I do think that God created us with relational needs that are meant to be met by humans. And for that, my needs are being partially met or not at all. And that sucks. And Dr. Dickens affirmed it, and while that doesn't meet my needs, it makes me feel a little less crazy.
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