Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Guilt Complex

Quick reminder that a month or so ago I had an epiphany that God might actually want me to work in a job that I enjoyed.  Everyone reacted to my epiphany with a wary look and a, "Well....yeah."

Everyone except one person.

Over Thanksgiving, I told my grandpa about my desire to work with married couples and single people, and how it was such a relief to know that I didn't have to work with the sexually abused, because that would kill my soul.  He responded with a thoughtful, "But I think serving God has to hurt."

I wanted to throw myself facefirst on the couch and wail, "But Grandpa!  I had an epiphany!"

Only later did it hit me, he is where I got and developed my martyr's complex.

I explained this whole story to Bridgett, my friend who is also studying counseling.  I told her that my grandpa and I are very shame and guilt-based, then told her how he has always felt guilty for being born into a Christian family in the affluent United States.  Somewhat piously, I then explained how I'd figured out that God gives some people blessings, a better head start on Christianity, as it were, so that those people will use their blessings earlier and more and etc.

Bridgett paused, then said, "Wow.  That is a lot of guilt."

Immediately I corrected her.  "No, no.  My grandpa feels guilty.  I escaped that by explaining it away.  Right?  Wasn't my explanation good?  HEY.  C'mon.  Validate me.  I'm not guilty; I don't feel guilt.  I've got everything figured out.  RIGHT?"

She didn't say anything, just quietly murmured and allowed me to rant.

A week later it hit me that she was 100% correct.

She is going to be a crazy good counselor.

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