Quick reminder that a month or so ago I had an epiphany that God might actually want me to work in a job that I enjoyed. Everyone reacted to my epiphany with a wary look and a, "Well....yeah."
Everyone except one person.
Over Thanksgiving, I told my grandpa about my desire to work with married couples and single people, and how it was such a relief to know that I didn't have to work with the sexually abused, because that would kill my soul. He responded with a thoughtful, "But I think serving God has to hurt."
I wanted to throw myself facefirst on the couch and wail, "But Grandpa! I had an epiphany!"
Only later did it hit me, he is where I got and developed my martyr's complex.
I explained this whole story to Bridgett, my friend who is also studying counseling. I told her that my grandpa and I are very shame and guilt-based, then told her how he has always felt guilty for being born into a Christian family in the affluent United States. Somewhat piously, I then explained how I'd figured out that God gives some people blessings, a better head start on Christianity, as it were, so that those people will use their blessings earlier and more and etc.
Bridgett paused, then said, "Wow. That is a lot of guilt."
Immediately I corrected her. "No, no. My grandpa feels guilty. I escaped that by explaining it away. Right? Wasn't my explanation good? HEY. C'mon. Validate me. I'm not guilty; I don't feel guilt. I've got everything figured out. RIGHT?"
She didn't say anything, just quietly murmured and allowed me to rant.
A week later it hit me that she was 100% correct.
She is going to be a crazy good counselor.
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