It's been a week since I started my nannying job, and I'd say my love for it is approximately 200% greater than my job at Logos. For one thing, it's awesomely disorienting. I've got a permanent car seat behind me when I drive, which is weird. Mrs. Nannied told me I could stow it away during my hot weekend dates, and I smiled politely.
Anju and Ketan are pretty awesome, though. They're in grade school, so I can tell them to do something like shower and not have to help them. They tried to push their luck early in the week ("Mom lets us eat candy whenever we want!" "No, seriously, we're allowed to use the Internet anytime.") But I didn't fall for that, even when they teared up and said I was mean. "Yeah, I am mean. So stop crying."
I'm going to be such an awesome mom.
Around Tuesday, Mrs. Nannied asked me to make up a point system. That seemed like ridiculous Pinterest-level involvement, and I sulked until I asked Ketan and Anju if they wanted to be nicknamed Hogwarts houses. Now I can say, "Your bed was made. One point to Gryffindor! Don't talk back to me. Five points from Slytherin."
Mostly the two are really awesome. Kids are hilarious in this unassuming way where adults are usually self-conscious. Anju was doing her homework while Ketan was in piano lessons, and she couldn't get her worksheet to lay flat. "Would you please move your whole self?" she asked. I burst out laughing, "My whole self? You want me to move my whole self and just fall on the floor over here?" She grinned up at me and nodded. "No, I'm not moving my whole self. You move your whole self."
And Ketan loves Harry Potter. We found out we've both been to Harry Potter World, and I started to tell him how excited I was to buy a freaking chocolate frog, but then he pulled out a legit Slytherin robe and Sirius's wand, and a specially made wand just for Ketan. I've never been so jealous of a 4th grader in my whole life. But it's okay, because the two nights I've put them to bed involved an epic wand duel, once when I hid in a doorway so that when Ketan jumped out I wasn't there. "Expelliarmus!" I shouted and leaped out at him. He fell on the floor, laughing in terror.
It's pretty great, is what I'm saying.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Can't
I've spent the last five months falling in love with counseling, figuring out areas I might want to pursue, talking with students at various points along discovering where God is calling them to serve. Today four women came to talk to my class about their experiences with abortion and the post-abortive ministry they participated in. It was absolutely wonderful, and I left the class full of emotion.
But like, weird emotion. I didn't know what exactly I was feeling, but I knew it was big. I flickered through some thoughts, and eventually "I can't do this," passed through my mind. Immediately I burst into ugly sobs. Because I'm studying, you know, brain processing and stuff, I intuited that perhaps I had struck something important.
Because that's the thing. I can't do it. Who am I to enter into intimate relationships with strangers, to walk beside people through their darkest moments and deepest fears, to offer help and love, to facilitate change? I CAN'T DO THAT. I'm not overly compassionate. My middle class white girl problems don't hold a candle to the struggles so many people endure. I cannot understand what everyone has gone through, I cannot find the words to bring someone into peace and transformation. I can't do it.
Even as I was crying in the car, fully aware of my limitations, I was so happy. I knew this was good. A couple weeks ago this guy encouraged us in chapel. "Ask God for a dream that is too big for you," he said. "Because then when you accomplish it, there will be no doubt in your mind or in the world's eyes that it was God who acted, and not you."
So there it is. I know I can't be a counselor. The idea of being some kind of authority figure to the hurting men and women of the world makes me want to throw up. I don't know what people go through, but God does. I don't know how to love people, but Jesus does. I don't know how to transform people, but the Holy Spirit does.
I can't do this. But God can, and He will enable me. And that's pretty awesome.
But like, weird emotion. I didn't know what exactly I was feeling, but I knew it was big. I flickered through some thoughts, and eventually "I can't do this," passed through my mind. Immediately I burst into ugly sobs. Because I'm studying, you know, brain processing and stuff, I intuited that perhaps I had struck something important.
Because that's the thing. I can't do it. Who am I to enter into intimate relationships with strangers, to walk beside people through their darkest moments and deepest fears, to offer help and love, to facilitate change? I CAN'T DO THAT. I'm not overly compassionate. My middle class white girl problems don't hold a candle to the struggles so many people endure. I cannot understand what everyone has gone through, I cannot find the words to bring someone into peace and transformation. I can't do it.
Even as I was crying in the car, fully aware of my limitations, I was so happy. I knew this was good. A couple weeks ago this guy encouraged us in chapel. "Ask God for a dream that is too big for you," he said. "Because then when you accomplish it, there will be no doubt in your mind or in the world's eyes that it was God who acted, and not you."
So there it is. I know I can't be a counselor. The idea of being some kind of authority figure to the hurting men and women of the world makes me want to throw up. I don't know what people go through, but God does. I don't know how to love people, but Jesus does. I don't know how to transform people, but the Holy Spirit does.
I can't do this. But God can, and He will enable me. And that's pretty awesome.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Update
It's been a while, partly because life suddenly became crazy busy, and partly because, I dunno. I don't like updating about my personal life. Then everyone knows without having to talk to me, and I want people to talk to me. So. But anyway, I felt like I ought to give an update anyway, to clear out my mind at least.
School: My feelings for grad school can mostly be summed up like this. I FREAKING LOVE IT. I mean, I knew that I liked listening to wise and experienced teachers, absorbing their knowledge and reshaping or strengthening my worldview, but holy cow. I like, really love it. All of my professors are hugely smart, of course, but they are also humble and caring and devoted to Christ in a way that is obvious in how they treat their subject and their students. I love them all, but especially Dr. Kreider, my professor of theology. For 2 1/2 hours, I stare at him and think, "Get your brain into my brain, now!"
However, grad school is also a lot of work. Professors assign like, four chapters out of a textbook at a time, and maybe some articles, and oh yeah, watch this video, and have this entire book done in a couple weeks. I love to read, but it is still overwhelming. Especially when some of the books are dry as a 2,000 year old bone. But whatever. Dr. Kreider encouraged us by telling us mostly we just needed to run our eyeballs over the stuff, to get used to reading the terms and thinking in seminary language, and that by our second year we'll actually start understanding what we're reading. I just want to huggle him, but he doesn't seem like a huggly person.
Work: Welp, I'm actually quitting my job at Logos! I feel a bit like a quitter, which, I guess I am. But I feel like I ought NOT to quit, since I've only worked there for three weeks. But I'm doing it. Mostly because working 20ish hours a week does not pay my bills, and I can't really work any more without dying a stressful death. But also because I learned two very important lessons.
1) I always thought I wanted to work in a small book store. Nope. I might want to RUN one, but working retail is incredibly boring. I hate boring. When customers are there, excellent! I love chatting and helping them find things. But most of the day I have to wander the store, making miniscule adjustments to displays to make sure everything looks orderly. Or I stand behind the cash register and stare into space for 8 minutes, waiting for something to happen. I can't stand it.
2) I met a boy who is everything I ever wanted in a boy. *cough* He's exactly like me. *cough* And you know what? I can't stand him either. Turns out I'd much rather argue than be right. So that's good--I now have to completely re-evaluate what I want in a guy.
Church: I found a church that I dearly love (after three weeks), and I kind of accidentally joined a six-week class to become a member. I love their approach to church, to transformation personally and communally. I love the people I've met, their friendliness and hospitality (two people have asked me out to lunch already!). I dunno if I'll become a member after these classes, but also, why not? I'm 98% sure I want to commit to staying with them for the next three years.
Oh, and I joined a women's Bible study on Wednesday nights. The women at Trinity are lovely. I went in kind of prideful, because I'm a hugely brilliant seminary student now, and they are all laypeople. Then at the first discussion I answered a question and the leader said, "And that leads to...?" I stared at her blankly. So I'm not brilliant or anything. Good to have humility forced on me. Anyway, I really like them.
Home: I jumped from doing nothing to being involved in three very big time-suckers. That unfortunately means I rarely see my housemates. Liz and I are still deliberate about hanging out, but my free time never seems to coincide with Jess or Amy. Also they have been gone nearly every weekend, which is good for my schoolwork, but a little sad. Still, it's fall, and everything is crazy for everyone, so I think/hope life will calm down eventually.
Not for Amy, though. She's been having tests, and yesterday she found out she has cancer. She's going to have to do chemo and radiation and everything, and we talked about it a little. She's the housemate I feel the least close to, and I felt very under-qualified to support her during this huge life obstacle. But while we were talking, she said she knew God had given her us as her roommates during this time for a reason, and I remembered that her last roommate was a psycho. So at least I will not be that. Prayers for her healing would be appreciated, and I'd also love some prayers for me, to know how best to love on her without overwhelming her or constantly reminding her of her problems.
So, Dallas. It's really kicked up a notch.
School: My feelings for grad school can mostly be summed up like this. I FREAKING LOVE IT. I mean, I knew that I liked listening to wise and experienced teachers, absorbing their knowledge and reshaping or strengthening my worldview, but holy cow. I like, really love it. All of my professors are hugely smart, of course, but they are also humble and caring and devoted to Christ in a way that is obvious in how they treat their subject and their students. I love them all, but especially Dr. Kreider, my professor of theology. For 2 1/2 hours, I stare at him and think, "Get your brain into my brain, now!"
However, grad school is also a lot of work. Professors assign like, four chapters out of a textbook at a time, and maybe some articles, and oh yeah, watch this video, and have this entire book done in a couple weeks. I love to read, but it is still overwhelming. Especially when some of the books are dry as a 2,000 year old bone. But whatever. Dr. Kreider encouraged us by telling us mostly we just needed to run our eyeballs over the stuff, to get used to reading the terms and thinking in seminary language, and that by our second year we'll actually start understanding what we're reading. I just want to huggle him, but he doesn't seem like a huggly person.
Work: Welp, I'm actually quitting my job at Logos! I feel a bit like a quitter, which, I guess I am. But I feel like I ought NOT to quit, since I've only worked there for three weeks. But I'm doing it. Mostly because working 20ish hours a week does not pay my bills, and I can't really work any more without dying a stressful death. But also because I learned two very important lessons.
1) I always thought I wanted to work in a small book store. Nope. I might want to RUN one, but working retail is incredibly boring. I hate boring. When customers are there, excellent! I love chatting and helping them find things. But most of the day I have to wander the store, making miniscule adjustments to displays to make sure everything looks orderly. Or I stand behind the cash register and stare into space for 8 minutes, waiting for something to happen. I can't stand it.
2) I met a boy who is everything I ever wanted in a boy. *cough* He's exactly like me. *cough* And you know what? I can't stand him either. Turns out I'd much rather argue than be right. So that's good--I now have to completely re-evaluate what I want in a guy.
Church: I found a church that I dearly love (after three weeks), and I kind of accidentally joined a six-week class to become a member. I love their approach to church, to transformation personally and communally. I love the people I've met, their friendliness and hospitality (two people have asked me out to lunch already!). I dunno if I'll become a member after these classes, but also, why not? I'm 98% sure I want to commit to staying with them for the next three years.
Oh, and I joined a women's Bible study on Wednesday nights. The women at Trinity are lovely. I went in kind of prideful, because I'm a hugely brilliant seminary student now, and they are all laypeople. Then at the first discussion I answered a question and the leader said, "And that leads to...?" I stared at her blankly. So I'm not brilliant or anything. Good to have humility forced on me. Anyway, I really like them.
Home: I jumped from doing nothing to being involved in three very big time-suckers. That unfortunately means I rarely see my housemates. Liz and I are still deliberate about hanging out, but my free time never seems to coincide with Jess or Amy. Also they have been gone nearly every weekend, which is good for my schoolwork, but a little sad. Still, it's fall, and everything is crazy for everyone, so I think/hope life will calm down eventually.
Not for Amy, though. She's been having tests, and yesterday she found out she has cancer. She's going to have to do chemo and radiation and everything, and we talked about it a little. She's the housemate I feel the least close to, and I felt very under-qualified to support her during this huge life obstacle. But while we were talking, she said she knew God had given her us as her roommates during this time for a reason, and I remembered that her last roommate was a psycho. So at least I will not be that. Prayers for her healing would be appreciated, and I'd also love some prayers for me, to know how best to love on her without overwhelming her or constantly reminding her of her problems.
So, Dallas. It's really kicked up a notch.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Much Better
For every moment that stressed me out yesterday, today had one that was totally awesome. Jessica had forewarned me that Dr. Kreider, professor of Intro to Theology, was super amazing. She was right. I am already committed to taking as many of his classes as possible throughout the next three years. I mean, the guy made a nearly three hour long class continually interesting, and I didn't once get tired even though class started at 7:45 a.m. How is that even possible?
Well, probably because Dr. K is authentic, passionate, dryly hilarious, and intimidatingly intelligent. He made us listen to two songs in their entirety, just to prove that popular culture is willing to engage in discussions about theology, and also because he just loves music. He has a tendency to say things that rock my world, and I'll probably devote upcoming blog posts to those ideas specifically.
After class I went to chapel, and a former president spoke. He is quite old now, and he had to use three reading aids to see his notes. He spoke very slowly, and his hands shook. His mind is sharp, and he quietly and slowly told us about aging and Ecclesiastes, how people tell Christians how to die but not how to live those last few years of diminishing capabilities. He made me love DTS, for a group of people who did not know him as president but who gave him a standing ovation, for a chaplain who chose the man's favorite hymn to both open and close the service, and for the patience and attention offered this wonderful man who might have been written off in another setting.
It's quite nice to have a built in lunch hour, and today was especially wonderful. It was nice enough that I could sit outside in the shade without being hot. I talked to Roy for a while, and then Laura happened by, so we ate and talked together.
Then I had my first counseling class! I loved my theology class, but yesterday during Bible study I thought, "Three years of this? Really?" I love studying the Bible, but the potential to become a sheep, bleating out seminary vocabulary and stuck in high concepts for years at a time (though, admittedly, the professors don't want us students to be that way, either), anyway, it was all a little daunting. And then I remembered: I'm here to study counseling! That was a relief.
I liked the class, thankfully. It's a basic course on how psychology and theology interact. Already I am confident I'm in the right place (for me, definitely), because Dr. Barnes discussed at length how we cannot address someone's problems without first considering their physical, medical, social, psychological, and spiritual concerns as well. It is tempting, he said, if you are an expert in a field, to treat everyone as if they needed help only in your area. That is when Christian counselors treat depression as the result of unresolved sin when actually it is a hormone deficiency or medicine side effect, etc.
I love learning. I am still getting used to the work load, and setting aside hours each night to read. But I love learning. So it's worth it.
Well, probably because Dr. K is authentic, passionate, dryly hilarious, and intimidatingly intelligent. He made us listen to two songs in their entirety, just to prove that popular culture is willing to engage in discussions about theology, and also because he just loves music. He has a tendency to say things that rock my world, and I'll probably devote upcoming blog posts to those ideas specifically.
After class I went to chapel, and a former president spoke. He is quite old now, and he had to use three reading aids to see his notes. He spoke very slowly, and his hands shook. His mind is sharp, and he quietly and slowly told us about aging and Ecclesiastes, how people tell Christians how to die but not how to live those last few years of diminishing capabilities. He made me love DTS, for a group of people who did not know him as president but who gave him a standing ovation, for a chaplain who chose the man's favorite hymn to both open and close the service, and for the patience and attention offered this wonderful man who might have been written off in another setting.
It's quite nice to have a built in lunch hour, and today was especially wonderful. It was nice enough that I could sit outside in the shade without being hot. I talked to Roy for a while, and then Laura happened by, so we ate and talked together.
Then I had my first counseling class! I loved my theology class, but yesterday during Bible study I thought, "Three years of this? Really?" I love studying the Bible, but the potential to become a sheep, bleating out seminary vocabulary and stuck in high concepts for years at a time (though, admittedly, the professors don't want us students to be that way, either), anyway, it was all a little daunting. And then I remembered: I'm here to study counseling! That was a relief.
I liked the class, thankfully. It's a basic course on how psychology and theology interact. Already I am confident I'm in the right place (for me, definitely), because Dr. Barnes discussed at length how we cannot address someone's problems without first considering their physical, medical, social, psychological, and spiritual concerns as well. It is tempting, he said, if you are an expert in a field, to treat everyone as if they needed help only in your area. That is when Christian counselors treat depression as the result of unresolved sin when actually it is a hormone deficiency or medicine side effect, etc.
I love learning. I am still getting used to the work load, and setting aside hours each night to read. But I love learning. So it's worth it.
I'm More Tightly Wound Than I Realized
I spent most of my first day in seminary running around as if my head had been cut off. I arrived on campus twenty-five minutes before my first class began, because I was ridiculously nervous about being late. I had texted a girl I met at orientation, and we were going to try to meet up and go to our shared class together. Ten minutes before class began, she appeared, claimed to be desperately hungry, and asked if I wanted to go to McDonald's with her, which was "just up the road."
It wasn't. As she drove us to her fast food breakfast, I checked my phone clock every five seconds, sadly counting down to the beginning of the class I was not attending. When I am frustrated, I become stupidly polite, so when she offered to move my seat back so as my knees weren't on top of her dashboard I assured her, "Oh, it's alright! This is so comfortable!" When 9:10 passed and we hadn't even gotten to McDonald's, she suddenly became despondent and apologetic. "I'm so sorry, Tricia. I shouldn't have dragged you into my craziness. I'm so sorry!"
It was weird. She ended up dropping me by the building, where another girl was hustling through the hallways. We determined we were headed in the same direction, and she burst out, "Oh, good! I prayed that God would send someone to walk in with me late!" I'm not used to these seminary outbursts of "praise the Lord!" and attributing every little detail of life to God's sovereignty. Those people are either acutely aware of God's interactions with us, or they are simply ridiculous.
Anyway, I was fifteen minutes late to my first postgraduate class, which was taught by my seminary PRESIDENT. Oops.
That wasn't even the most stressful part of my day, but it's midnight, so I'll be brief. Another acquaintance told me I definitely had to be in a two-year weekly DTS small group, which I knew nothing about and was way late to sign up for. She told me I had to hurry to the advising office and figure it out, but we were in chapel (which ran late), and I had only thirty minutes to get to my job while inhaling lunch as I drove. No time for advising.
I fretted like, A LOT A LOT, because I'm already over-committed to two weekly Bible studies, and seminary unexpectedly kicked my butt (or rather, my brain, which is not used to prolific vocabulary and hours-long chapter readings). Eventually I asked my boss if I could call advising, and I spilled my guts to them. "Oh, people in the counseling track don't have to do that." Ugh. I mean, I was glad. But way to worry for nothing.
After my anxiety-ridden day, I just wanted ice cream. I remembered going to a Braum's near my house, but long story short, I got lost, and it took forty minutes for me to get ice cream from somewhere else that wasn't nearly what I wanted. Then I went home and spent four hours doing schoolwork.
My brain is mad at me. "Last week all we did was lie around reading and watching TV!" it complains. "What are you doing to me!?"
I don't know, brain. I'm so sorry.
It wasn't. As she drove us to her fast food breakfast, I checked my phone clock every five seconds, sadly counting down to the beginning of the class I was not attending. When I am frustrated, I become stupidly polite, so when she offered to move my seat back so as my knees weren't on top of her dashboard I assured her, "Oh, it's alright! This is so comfortable!" When 9:10 passed and we hadn't even gotten to McDonald's, she suddenly became despondent and apologetic. "I'm so sorry, Tricia. I shouldn't have dragged you into my craziness. I'm so sorry!"
It was weird. She ended up dropping me by the building, where another girl was hustling through the hallways. We determined we were headed in the same direction, and she burst out, "Oh, good! I prayed that God would send someone to walk in with me late!" I'm not used to these seminary outbursts of "praise the Lord!" and attributing every little detail of life to God's sovereignty. Those people are either acutely aware of God's interactions with us, or they are simply ridiculous.
Anyway, I was fifteen minutes late to my first postgraduate class, which was taught by my seminary PRESIDENT. Oops.
That wasn't even the most stressful part of my day, but it's midnight, so I'll be brief. Another acquaintance told me I definitely had to be in a two-year weekly DTS small group, which I knew nothing about and was way late to sign up for. She told me I had to hurry to the advising office and figure it out, but we were in chapel (which ran late), and I had only thirty minutes to get to my job while inhaling lunch as I drove. No time for advising.
I fretted like, A LOT A LOT, because I'm already over-committed to two weekly Bible studies, and seminary unexpectedly kicked my butt (or rather, my brain, which is not used to prolific vocabulary and hours-long chapter readings). Eventually I asked my boss if I could call advising, and I spilled my guts to them. "Oh, people in the counseling track don't have to do that." Ugh. I mean, I was glad. But way to worry for nothing.
After my anxiety-ridden day, I just wanted ice cream. I remembered going to a Braum's near my house, but long story short, I got lost, and it took forty minutes for me to get ice cream from somewhere else that wasn't nearly what I wanted. Then I went home and spent four hours doing schoolwork.
My brain is mad at me. "Last week all we did was lie around reading and watching TV!" it complains. "What are you doing to me!?"
I don't know, brain. I'm so sorry.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
A Busy Week
It was hard to go home to Peoria. I fell in love with my cuddly cat all over again, I met little Ruthie May Wineinger, I celebrated her existence at Lindsay's baby shower, I reconnected with Laura, I watched Hunger Games extras with my mom, and I watched an awful movie with my church family and won a box of Dots.
It was lovely, is what I'm saying, and I worried about returning to Dallas. I thought maybe homesickness would burrow into me again, and I would have to relive the pain of separation.
That almost happened, but this past week has been so busy, I really had no time for extra emotion. I settled back into my new home on Tuesday, and while I read by the window, Logos Book Store called and asked me in for an interview. I dressed up on Wednesday, answered questions, asked questions, and after half an hour, I was offered the job.
On Thursday, I went to DTS for the first official time. I met a couple potential friends, but more happily, I realized that I'm really very good at meeting people and schmoozing. With thoughts of school filling my head, I went to Logos on Friday, and had to cram another new facet of my life into my over-crowded brain.
That wasn't enough, obviously, and I went back to work for on Saturday. It's a lovely store, and already I am sorely tempted by the overflowing bookshelves and, of all things, their greeting cards. My coworkers are friendly, and on both days someone showed up with fancy cookies for everyone to enjoy. Obviously, this is my kind of workplace.
Today I went to Trinity Fellowship on my own, since Laura is at her hometown one last time before DTS begins. I loved the service again, how it combines the friendliness and laid back atmosphere of the Baptist tradition with the rich and purposeful liturgy of history. We recite the Nicene creed every week, and today we recited the Prayer of Confession after spending a couple minutes in personal prayer.
We take Communion every week, with wine passed alongside grape juice. I really like having wine, for the earthy, Jewish feeling of symbolism and history. It makes me think of the Seder meal, how each course represents some aspect of fleeing from Egypt, how bread is not just bread, but is a reminder that God could call you to leave everything at any minute. When I drink wine at Communion, I think that Jesus drank wine those 2,000 years ago, that he held a glass filled with the same stuff. More than that though, I like how wine bites at me as I swallow it, how my mouth stings for long minutes after. It helps me understand, more than grape juice, the pain of Jesus offering his blood to save me. It's not easy and sugary to drink wine. It hurts a little, and it stays with me. I like taking Communion every week. I don't feel anything, necessarily. I don't feel super-spiritual or unusually connected to God. But it feels important. I think the Lord's Supper is a sustaining spiritual practice, and I have never given it the proper weight and significance before.
After service, I signed up for a women's Bible study on Wednesday nights. When I moved to Jackson, it took me two years to get involved at Northbrook, so this time I am determined to jump into things immediately. I'm a little nervous, because I've also agreed to be in a Bible study on Thursday nights at our house, and also, you know, I'm going to seminary.
At least I can no longer complain that I was being poured out more than I was being filled. At Woodland I taught so many different classes and studies that the (admittedly wonderful) Sunday morning services were not enough to fill what I had given out. I have a feeling that over these next few months I will become so spiritually full that I will beg and plead for a junior high Sunday School class or women's Bible study, so that I can overflow into someone else's life with all the things I'm learning about God and His will in the world.
Tomorrow I go work a full day, and then Tuesday my classes begin. I cannot even believe that one week ago I was in Peoria. It seems months ago. I guess that means I've settled into Dallas pretty well.
It was lovely, is what I'm saying, and I worried about returning to Dallas. I thought maybe homesickness would burrow into me again, and I would have to relive the pain of separation.
That almost happened, but this past week has been so busy, I really had no time for extra emotion. I settled back into my new home on Tuesday, and while I read by the window, Logos Book Store called and asked me in for an interview. I dressed up on Wednesday, answered questions, asked questions, and after half an hour, I was offered the job.
On Thursday, I went to DTS for the first official time. I met a couple potential friends, but more happily, I realized that I'm really very good at meeting people and schmoozing. With thoughts of school filling my head, I went to Logos on Friday, and had to cram another new facet of my life into my over-crowded brain.
That wasn't enough, obviously, and I went back to work for on Saturday. It's a lovely store, and already I am sorely tempted by the overflowing bookshelves and, of all things, their greeting cards. My coworkers are friendly, and on both days someone showed up with fancy cookies for everyone to enjoy. Obviously, this is my kind of workplace.
Today I went to Trinity Fellowship on my own, since Laura is at her hometown one last time before DTS begins. I loved the service again, how it combines the friendliness and laid back atmosphere of the Baptist tradition with the rich and purposeful liturgy of history. We recite the Nicene creed every week, and today we recited the Prayer of Confession after spending a couple minutes in personal prayer.
We take Communion every week, with wine passed alongside grape juice. I really like having wine, for the earthy, Jewish feeling of symbolism and history. It makes me think of the Seder meal, how each course represents some aspect of fleeing from Egypt, how bread is not just bread, but is a reminder that God could call you to leave everything at any minute. When I drink wine at Communion, I think that Jesus drank wine those 2,000 years ago, that he held a glass filled with the same stuff. More than that though, I like how wine bites at me as I swallow it, how my mouth stings for long minutes after. It helps me understand, more than grape juice, the pain of Jesus offering his blood to save me. It's not easy and sugary to drink wine. It hurts a little, and it stays with me. I like taking Communion every week. I don't feel anything, necessarily. I don't feel super-spiritual or unusually connected to God. But it feels important. I think the Lord's Supper is a sustaining spiritual practice, and I have never given it the proper weight and significance before.
After service, I signed up for a women's Bible study on Wednesday nights. When I moved to Jackson, it took me two years to get involved at Northbrook, so this time I am determined to jump into things immediately. I'm a little nervous, because I've also agreed to be in a Bible study on Thursday nights at our house, and also, you know, I'm going to seminary.
At least I can no longer complain that I was being poured out more than I was being filled. At Woodland I taught so many different classes and studies that the (admittedly wonderful) Sunday morning services were not enough to fill what I had given out. I have a feeling that over these next few months I will become so spiritually full that I will beg and plead for a junior high Sunday School class or women's Bible study, so that I can overflow into someone else's life with all the things I'm learning about God and His will in the world.
Tomorrow I go work a full day, and then Tuesday my classes begin. I cannot even believe that one week ago I was in Peoria. It seems months ago. I guess that means I've settled into Dallas pretty well.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
DTS Orientation
I went to orientation today, and seminary is basically like Union. Lots of kind people, and staff who pray for you and are intentionally committed to help you discover how you can serve God. The dress code is a bit more severe, although HOLLA, as of yesterday, jeans were approved! Oh, happy day.
It's simultaneously wonderful and strange to be back in such an intensely Christ-centered environment. Speakers talk about Victoria Secret's catalogs as pornography, we burst into hymns in the middle of sessions, and people bring up "God's will" during simple conversations. There's also a decidedly "Christian" brand of humor--during our MMPI test, someone sneezed. Several people said, "Bless you" until one man said authoritatively, "GOD bless you." Everyone cracked up, because ho ho ho, it was funny. I mean, it was. But it struck me that we were an unusual group of people.
What I like about DTS, though, is how they hold their school and their students to a high standard. They talked about the no drinking rule and the strict dress code. They happily admitted that the Bible does not dictate specific outfits nor outlaw alcohol. But they want their school to be better than just "okay" and they go out of the way to make it so. Since I just read about a guy imitating George Washington's high standards of living for a month, I found the idea far more romantic than annoying as I did in the past.
One quick thing about the MMPI. I went through, thinking, "I sometimes hear voices when no one is speaking. Heh heh, nope. The comics are the only part of the newspaper that I enjoy. Yup! I sometimes tease animals. FALSE. What kind of monster teases animals!?" I wanted to scrawl intensely on the answer sheet, making sure they knew that I very much disliked anyone teasing animals of any kind. Then I thought, hm. Maybe these are the extreme reactions they are screening against. But, animals. They are so cute.
Anyway, I love DTS. I think it will be grand.
It's simultaneously wonderful and strange to be back in such an intensely Christ-centered environment. Speakers talk about Victoria Secret's catalogs as pornography, we burst into hymns in the middle of sessions, and people bring up "God's will" during simple conversations. There's also a decidedly "Christian" brand of humor--during our MMPI test, someone sneezed. Several people said, "Bless you" until one man said authoritatively, "GOD bless you." Everyone cracked up, because ho ho ho, it was funny. I mean, it was. But it struck me that we were an unusual group of people.
What I like about DTS, though, is how they hold their school and their students to a high standard. They talked about the no drinking rule and the strict dress code. They happily admitted that the Bible does not dictate specific outfits nor outlaw alcohol. But they want their school to be better than just "okay" and they go out of the way to make it so. Since I just read about a guy imitating George Washington's high standards of living for a month, I found the idea far more romantic than annoying as I did in the past.
One quick thing about the MMPI. I went through, thinking, "I sometimes hear voices when no one is speaking. Heh heh, nope. The comics are the only part of the newspaper that I enjoy. Yup! I sometimes tease animals. FALSE. What kind of monster teases animals!?" I wanted to scrawl intensely on the answer sheet, making sure they knew that I very much disliked anyone teasing animals of any kind. Then I thought, hm. Maybe these are the extreme reactions they are screening against. But, animals. They are so cute.
Anyway, I love DTS. I think it will be grand.
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